Perfect mums - secret alcoholics
 

I didn't realise to this day how common this is and how many of us good wife's and mums hiding this terrible secret. I'm honestly shocked and couldn't sleep last night thinking about it . Is it boredom, loneliness, routine at home , or just simply addiction led us to where we are now ? I know I was mostly bored of a routine , felt lonely as hubby worked so much , stressed over kids etc , the glass of wine in my hand felt so good , I'm one of these people who love the shape of wine glasses , how it feels holding it and I was truly obsessed with my wine glasses , and the drink inside it it was divine, I used to swish it in my glass before drinking and just admiring how it looks like .What are your stories mums ?

Mines not a pretty image. Beer cans all over the place, cigarettes and ashtrays. Dirty house, half painted rooms because booze was more important. I definitely don't feel like a good mom.

I think your romanticism of your alcoholism is a dangerous path

I actually developed ocd to keep my home and myself as clean as possible because it felt I was hiding it better that way , probably to mask my guilty night drinking. I feel like my clear thinking is coming back and I try to analyse my behaviour but I still need long time to understand anything.

How long have you been sober for?

I wasn't a "bad" mom.... but I am an excellent mom when I don't drink.

I LOVE living in a sober world... there are so many positives. My kids love me when I am sober, because I have so much energy, enthusiasm, and the list goes on.

You are right soberwolf, I realise that 😔

Sorry for autocorrect I don't know how to fix it lol , this strange word comes up all the time when I type. Back to the topic , technically I'm sober for 3 days , but I count it as 2 days because I joined this forum yesterday

There was a good thread about this a while back, I am not sure if this is the article that was posted but it speaks to this.

I agree with sober wolf, I tried to be careful about speaking glowingly about the thing that had brought me to my knees. I had the image of the chic NYC chick having a glass of wine at a happening bar.

The reality was a lukewarm glass of congealed liquid on the nightstand, mascara streaks down my face and a pit in my stomach because I couldn't remember what I said the night before. Or my handyman finding 18 empty bottles hidden in the box with the pool cushions in the basement. Or searching in the attic for old maternity clothes because I was so bloated and had gained so much weight.

The sparkle now is in my clear skin and eyes. What twinkles is my daughter's laugh because I am able to really be present. And fitting into my old skinny jeans makes me feel chic. And all of this is sustainable and real. I don't miss feeling like I needed a glass in my hands, god it owned me. There isn't a cut crystal glass in the world that feels as good as being comfortable in your own skin!!

Mummy was a Secret Drinker: Why so many well educated, middle aged women drink too much

I don't feel the same way about my wine glasses and wine and all the alcohol. I'm not comfortable to say what happened that it gave me this huge wake up call , but I truly dreading another sip of alcohol and don't want to see another glass in my house . I know I'm changed person now

Perhaps you should throw or give away all those wine glasses as they seem to be a trigger. When I quit smoking I had to do that with my beloved ash trays. I had beautiful cut crystal ash trays. I don't miss them.

I did it already. There is nothing alcohol related in my house anymore. Not even smallest glass:)

I started getting drunk every day after I lost my job. I had a horrible boss and it was a lousy company... I should have been jumping for joy rather than drinking. In the end I got the best job of my life and the best boss I've ever had and I've been at this company for 5+ years now.

However, the heavy drinking started in October 2009 and didn't stop until January 2015. By the grace of God I was able to function through it all until I finally decided to quit once and for all.

Yes, it was a lot depression and boredom at first and later throw loneliness in the mix as well. Empty nest, husband who is gone almost every weekend pursuing his passion, loss of desire to pursue my own passions.

I still fight that urge to waste away an afternoon in a Scotch-induced fog.

I am a happier person now. I don't want to waste anymore time being drunk.

Yup, I had that image of the perfect mom/career woman. A single mom at that. The dirty little secret is that inside I was dying. I felt so much shame and exhaustion...and then there was my teen's growing concern and anger. The fact is, you can only keep up that facade for so long and mine was starting to crumble.
Why did I drink? Everything you mentioned. I thought of drinking as my reward after a long day.

Anyhow, I'm getting close to a month sober and I can say that this is soooo much better. I feel like a new person already. I'm really glad I made this choice for myself!

Delfin

Thank you for sharing ElleDee

Well done Delfin

Raising children is the hardest job ever, I think and none of us ever does everything right.

3 days sober is a good start.

I sincerely thought that I had to do it all alone. I had asked enough of my loved ones and it was time to stand up and parent my kids and take care of everyone else. Fine, but I forgot to take care of myself. I spent most of my children's lives high. I wanted to be the perfect parent, the perfect Mom and the perfect wife. I lost all those things. My children live with their Father and his new wife and I'm headed back to rehab for the third time.

You don't have to do this alone. Keep coming here, keep talking. Hopefully the more we talk, the easier it will be to remove the stigma.

While this is not an issue for me, I will chime in.

My youngest goes to a private school where many of the moms do not work. Said moms hang out together during the day and drink away. This is not just the occasional drink, I mean hang out at the winery on a regular basis while the kiddos are in school. Then go home and drink some more, or to the club in the evening for dinner and coctails.

For some it's not become a problem. For a few of them, you can see the alcoholism progressing. Truly, this addiction knows no boundaries, and knows no social classes.

Thank you guys. I really want to talk more about it but it is very hard at first because I never spoke or written about it ever , it's so shameful to say it out loud . Also I don't want to overload this forum with my posts lol even the first time typing my story and my thoughts felt incredibly better , like some huge weight lifted off my chest. I will try to open up more in the future and I'm really trying and learning to talk about this . Bear with me :)

Don't worry I littered the place with my little stories and still have a ton that just have not come up yet. Everyone is great about it.

Edit to add: I was amazed how supportive people were. Also amazed how often I I thought wow me to, or someone said that to a comment I made.