The binge cycle.
 

I haven't been on here in a while and it shows. I am a complete mess. I don't know what my bottom looks like but if this isn't it then I really don't want to find out what else could be down there.

I have stumbled in the past, stayed clean for a few weeks / a month. Then I will have just a few at home to show myself that I can do it and not get crazy. Then I test the waters outside the house and all hell breaks loose. I "came to" in my underwear on a golf course at 5am. Phone / wallet / clothes / glasses all gone. When is enough enough?

Can a ask a favor and have someone knock me over the head. :a043: that seemed appropriate when I saw it, just sitting here staring at the computer not knowing what else to say or do.

So here's to reaching out and finding help again.

Sounds Like me. I can go a few weeks & months and fall off the deep end.

I am on Day 1 but have terrible insomnia & panic. Just praying real hard to make it through this.

No need for knocks over the head :)

Posting and reading here every day help me get out of that cycle HMS.

Whenever you get that idea that maybe now you can drink and not go 'too crazy'...post here first...or come back and read your old posts.

Change really is possible :)

D

the panic and anxiety is the worst. I am still wondering what else I did that night. Wondering if the police will be showing up at my door with my belongings in hand ....

Melatonin for the sleep. its a natural supplement and not habit forming, for me at least.

Thanks Dee

I plan on spending quite a bit of time on here and on Netflix...

but like I was just reading ... enthusiasm for change is not action towards change...

Yeah it sucks. I woke up in the morning at the Apartment Pool passed out in a lawn chair. Missing my phones. I cannot live like this anymore.. So tired of it. Detoxing is the worst feeling ever. Sitting here at 3 AM because I cannot sleep due to my nerves being shot.

The reading in this thread is an excellent starting point :)

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

and why not check out our 'Class of July' support thread too? :)
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2015-a-15.html

D

HMS, nothing changes, if we do not change ourselves . It took us, many such failed attempt to realize that we can not drink ,without going crazy. After a break of few weeks or months, we might be able to control it for few days. but eventually, alcohol catches up. The history has proven it ,infinite number of times.

I quit on the day, I realized that , by experimenting to be a moderate drinker, I was damaging my mind and body ,multiple times. It is too much hard work and not worth it. I have figured out , normal ways to cope with the life problems. Alcohol was never helping and was making it worst.

Keep posting and reading on SR. You will see the light , eventually.

All the best.

I hear you my friend....

Iam exactly the same after a very short period of sobriety I totally forget about the suffering of my last binge. It's totally depressing and scary!

Iam taking a leap of faith that change is possible because I don't think I can take anymore. Have you got a plan in place ?

Lion

Right now I am just reading up on addiction and methods to stem the urges. Dee posted some good stuff to read up on. I am not in an "urge" stage right now, I am still in the guilt and remorse stage after my last dive in the Binge end.

I have work to keep my busy for a few days and Netflix and SR. And I am going to start with some small things like setting an alarm for this evening ( I am currently abroad 8 hours ahead of the east coast) to remind my self how truly crappy the other day was and why I will not drink tonight.

Are you ready to do the work, to change, to embrace your life, HMS?

It can be so bright and beautiful and amazing...

The choice is yours and it starts - right now.

Call doctor. :)

And to answer your question, bottom is death. Yours or worse, someone else's as a result of your drinking.

No one needs to get to a "low enough point" to quit. It's just an excuse.

It is simple and difficult at the same time. The simple answer is to how to quit is: quit. The difficult part is staying sober. More difficult for some than others and I'm lucky since I'm not having much difficulty with it so far. But even I called my doctor. I really, really recommend that.

Good luck!

HMS .... I feel for you I really do . I think most of us in here at least have 1 or 2 ugly stories to tell.

Truth is we can never even test the waters ever , not ever for we will surely drown.

I'm so glad you posted xxxx

Good luck and keep reading

Welcome back HMS!! :)

HI HMS, I've said this before, I'd laugh about it if it wasn't so serious.

At least your in a place here on SR that can and will help you. No sense in beating yourself up too bad, but it is probably time to get down to business. It has to end, and you know that, correct?

tested the waters again and drowned. That is a very true statement.. Resetting my clock. July 11th.

Enough is enough

Hi HMS

I can guarantee you'll get the same result every time you test the waters again.

Make this your turning point :)

do you have a plan?

D

no plan ...

just avoiding the bars and other folks I usually drink with.

The trouble with not having a plan is sooner or later you're going to walk into a situation or feel a feeling and not know what to do.

In cases like that most of us tend to go for what we know, and we drink again.

There is a good link here that will help you come up with a plan tailored to your needs

https://store.samhsa.gov/shin/conten...0/SMA-3720.pdf

D

Dee :D thanks for that . What an absolute gem of a read . That was so informative & helpful to me . So many things I didn't realise I did until it was too late . I need to save this xxx