Just having a few isn't a big deal.
 

This is what has been cycling through my mind today. I've gotten everything on my to-do list done both professionally, personally and medically. Totally set for the Holiday weekend. There is not even potential for some issue to arise. Therefore, knocking a few back while watching or reading anything of my choosing sounds very inviting right now. I'm also getting the "you've earned it" thing rattling around in my brain. The weather is perfect, we live on a lake the ambiance has already started (fireworks going off, neighbors getting ready for tomorrow's parade. Cocktails are the only thing missing. Really want to go visit some friends have a few drinks and a few laughs.

Just having a few really ISN'T a big deal...

Except that 'just having a few' always leads to a big deal, for me anyway.

I know those thoughts well.... have had them many times myself.

I always try to remember that the Big Deal eventually comes when I open that "Just a few" door - and that I have over 25 years of hard evidence to prove it.

Those same thoughts used to open the flood gates with me, a few drinks would be a bottle of my liquor of choice, and then when I had planned to enjoy something the next day I'd ruin that enjoyment by having a pounding hangover to deal with the next morning that would stretch into the afternoon.

. . . and then what? one night would spiral into a few weekdays the following week because of course the sun was still shinning and sure it's summer and isn't everyone doing the same thing? which would lead back to as bad as ever drinking every night of the week for weeks before finding myself back at square one knowing I really need to quit, again, and regretting those few drinks a few weeks ago all because the sun was shinning and it was a holiday weekend!!

Don't do it, don't throw away all the good work based on the fairytales alcohol is selling, the idea of missing out on something, the thoughts of your life is not complete without that drink, don't give alcohol such an importance, it is not the centre of the universe that it claims to be!!

Are you familiar with the kindling effect?

If we could stop at just having a few, it wouldn't be a big deal, no...
Don't give your AV oxygen Jeff.

D

Alcoholics dont do a few its what makes us alcoholic

1 is to many 1000 is never enough

I never wanted "just a few". I wanted the whole bottle and more. :( So the idea of having one or two isn't appealing to me. And I know what will happen if I drink. And I don't want to go there. :(

I know if I ever have that one, it will start a chain reaction that will lead me to the life I had before when I was drinking. It might even be worse. That idea scares me. I've had the thought I've earned it throughout my 66 days of sobriety. What I tell myself is I deserve a life where I'm clear minded, free of drunken (and hungover) anxiety and the inevitable regret I will have later if I take that first drink.

Play the tape Thomas. You know where you'll wind up. Drunk, possibly blacked out and, hungover. If you don't drink tonight you'll thank yourself tomorrow.

I'm not going to join you.

I'm not even going to go down that thought pathway. I don't drink any more.

Be careful out there.

You know yourself better than anyone. Stay strong.

Exactly, I don't want a few, I want to get drunk. It sounds fun right now.

Never mind how you "think" it would be - - what about the opiates you are taking right now? It's really dangerous to mix them with alcohol.

Thomas, what's your plan, Dude? You can fight this!

http://i62.tinypic.com/289wyl1.jpg ;)


D

I'm sure we've all been there. Hell, I'm here right now because my stupid brain was telling me mostly the same things. "I've been doing so well. Maybe I can just do a glass of wine with dinner." Hahah, luckily I know myself too well. One glass will turn into the bottle, and if I just so happen to pass out before I finish it, I'll feel like crap tomorrow, giving me the excuse to drink to nurse the hangover. And the cycle repeats. Ugh.

I'm still at the point where I know how harmful alcohol has been for me. I remember sitting down one night with some schnapps and thinking, "why do I even like this? What does it do for me?" Other than making me forget and not care (aka bad coping mechanisms), there's not a single thing I even like about drinking.

You're obviously here because alcohol hasn't been good to you. Always remember why you decided you needed to give it up. I'm guessing those reasons haven't really changed. Stay strong and just have fun without it. I'll bet you'll even remember the good times when you're done (unlike when you're drunk).

Well you are an adult and can do as you please. I think that if you drink today you will be sorry tomorrow to have given in to your craving and addiction. I also think that if you really thought it wasn't a big deal you wouldn't have posted about it. I hope you don't drink because I want you to beat your addiction :)

Stay true to yourself.

Yes, I did a fair amount of reading about it. Its something that, speaking purely for myself, has not been proven. That being said, I think there is some validity to it, and it makes me nervous. I don't need things to get any worse than they were.

Tell your AV to take a hike. A few didn't work out so well for you last time and you still have a physical reminder of this.

Yes definitely. I know its just an insane thought (getting drunk), but I'm being perfectly honest with everyone. And quite frankly, if I want to get drunk bad enough, I will. I'm stubborn, and never claimed to be smart.

My plan is to stay put. Right here on SR and keep my mind occupied, so fair warning....if I post a lot in the next few hours, you will know why. Bear with me folks.

LimitedLemur, you just reminded of something that had totally escaped me....tomorrow. I'm currently thinking in the moment. Want that buzz, the laughter (at least it starts that way). But come tomorrow, oh boy, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that I know it would be bad. Probably even do the hair of the dog trick, and then there we go....hang on, its going to be a rough ride. Thanks for the reminder.

Thomas said: "My plan is to stay put. Right here on SR and keep my mind occupied, so fair warning....if I post a lot in the next few hours, you will know why. Bear with me folks."


Hang in there, my friend. And post all weekend, if you have to.

Ya know, let's skip thinking about tomorrow. I could have my wife drive me up to the bar right now, and I know I'd run into a TON of people and have a really good time. Bars are open until 2AM, plenty of time to catch up with people and so forth. Furthermore, I know they are up there, having a good time, they don't have the handcuffs on themselves, they are doing what they want and having fun doing it. I want that. ok? I'm completely contradicting what I told myself many years ago. And that is I would no longer deprive myself of the pleasures in life. So yeah, its bugging me.

That's the biggest steaming pile of bulls**t I've heard in a while Thomas, and it's 100% your addiction talking. You know it too. Remember what happened last time you picked up again? Browse back and read some of the posts you wrote during your last binge and how the whole thing ended.

You are smart...you run a successful business...you have a wife that loves you and you have an entire army of supporters here. Your AV would love you to forget all that, but you know better.

Nooooooooo!!!!!! Don't do it Thomas! You will totally hate yourself and regret it. Tell you AV to shut the **** up!

Thomas just keep on posting bud your fighting it but so is your AV dont let your AV win keep playing the tape bud

When these thoughts creep into my head, and they do, on occasion, I do all the play the tape stuff, look back on my treatment writing, etc. It helps some.

Really, what helps most? I remind myself that I have plans for Christmas. The way my addiction works, those plans are derailed as soon as I drink. So all the other strategies are summed up right there...I have plans for Christmas.

"Always Believe!" -The Ultimate Warrior

Jeff, when you say you are stubborn and you would drink if you wanted to, I call that the red zone. Don't let it go that far in your mind. I got there once and it is almost impossible to turn back at that point.

I wanted to point out that in the post quoted that you are looking at the situation much differently than I did. You are not depriving yourself of anything, you are trying to break a powerful cycle you find yourself in. It is going to come at you with these thoughts and you have to figure out how to defeat them so you can, as Dee says, achieve escape velocity. You said they are up there having fun and doing what they want. You are not being punished by being grounded. You are doing what you need to do to get yourself healthy and happy. It will be worth it.

I never allowed myself to remember what it felt like to drink. Whenever the "hey baby's" would come at me I would remember some of the horrible drinking memories to keep those thoughts away. Sometimes my brain would scream at me Just do it...just tonight. When that would happen I would pretend that I had given into the urge the night before and today was actually tomorrow. Last night was a big drinking night at the bar. Aren't you glad you didn't go out and get drunk last night?

It saddens me that you still see drinking as pleasurable for you.
I totally get it, but it saddens me.

Many of us here sat with you through threads and PMs where things were decidedly not pleasurable for you - but that's the power of alcoholism and selective memory.

I know that you hate to 'lose' and that a part of you is steaming against not being able to control your drinking.

Sometimes we just have to accept things, particularly as we grow older. It's part of being an upstanding guy, pillar of the community and an adult.

I've said several times now you have a great opportunity here - very few of us get a period of time where we cannot drink - it's like the best head start ever.

I'd *really* hate to see you mess that up, man.

D