Had four months.....
 

...and then my AV talked me into one more drunk. Life had just gotten good. Felt good both emotionally and physically. The best in years. Now it's all lost. I keep hitting new bottoms.

The other night I embarrassed myself in front of one of the sweetest old lady in the world. (Thanks to my dog), When I say sweet, I mean the salt of the earth type of person. Very religious. The type of person who you would want as a grandmother. She has had me me over for supper in the past. Great cook. I was very embarrassed. My sense of self worth is at an all time low. I know her and her husband will forgive me but, I can't.

I need to start over. I know this in my heart and soul. It's gonna be very difficult but, I know it needs to be done.

Guess I need to Tweek my plan and, start again.

Jsm,
Don't give up, everyone makes mistakes. Four months is awesome and you haven't lost that time and what you learned from it. Make a plan now while you are feeling the regret and figure out what the trigger was. You'll know in advance for next time.
Never give up! Tomorrow can be a new day 1 and a new you + future.
Keep posting, we get it!:grouphug:

Nothing is lost jsm. You came back to talk about what happened - you're not letting this turn into a binge. You learned something valuable. As Hope said, never give up on yourself - not ever.

I agree with Hevyn its really good to see you posting again

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rituality.html

(((Jsm)

I'm glad you're back and posting again too.
I'm sorry what you've gone through, but this experience can make you better and stronger in your sobriety. :hug:

When I was reading Robby Robot's "Authenticity IV" thread today, this particular paragraph really helped me:

"Just really consider please how being responsible has nothing to do with being guilty, okay? Guilt is created from an action of wrongness in the eyes of the wrongdoer. Guilt is a one time thing for each wrongness. When we become responsible for our guilt, this does not mean we are any more or any less guilty. Being responsible for our own guilt means we can now correctly discharge that same guilt and get on with making amends to *ourselves* and learn how to live a better lifestyle which surpasses what we had before."

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post5431869

Sorry to read this, jsm. But like others said, please focus on the four months you had. That's not lost time. This was just a blip on your path. If you'd like, feel free to join us in the June class thread. :)

Forgive yourself and move forward again. :) Learn from it. What can you do differently now so it won't happen again? Strengthen your plan.

Jsm, I'm glad you're back. It's sad but true that things do get worse unless we stop drinking. You need to remember what you had in those four months and continue working on it.

I did a lot of really embarrassing things too jsm. People forget.
If they can forget we should at least be able to forgive ourselves.

hate the addiction not the addicted :)

D

Go at things again Jsm!! You can do this!! :)