Need to make it work
 

Hello,

I posted a couple months ago but had repeated failures. Every time I had one things escalated for days after. I have basically ruined my life in every way. Sitting in trears on day 2. I am a mom and my family does not deserve this. Have crashed straight into the bottom and have no idea how to put the pieces together. Can not keep fooling myself that 1 or 2 will ever work. Just ordered the big book, called meeting with a Dr and requesting a therapist tomorrow.

Thanks for listening. I am so broken. Need people who understand and don't just hate me.
Lilly

Hi Lilly,
You can do this. Meeting your doctor is a good step. Keep reading and posting here for support. :grouphug:

Welcome back lilly. All is not lost...you are here and taking the right steps. Seeing a doctor and a therapist is a fantastic move, kudos for taking the initiative to do that. You could join a weekly/monthly thread here too if you like, it's always nice to be in a group of people in the same situation as you.

hi LL, we do understand and no one hates you. As you said yourself, you are broken. The good news is that broken things can be fixed or healed. You are no different. It won't be easy, nothing worthwhile ever is. But don't lose faith in the people here or yourself. Keep trying, I'll say it again, just keep trying. I wish you the very best. Keep us posted, even in rough times. It may help.

Welcome bk Lilly

Welcome back Lilly.

I found that I hated myself and that was what needed to be sorted.

The alcohol just adds fuel to that fire.

You're safe here. Keep posting.

Welcome back Lilly.

Sounds like some positive steps you've made there. Other good books are Sober Recovery and Monkey on My Shoulder (also AA publications - available from Amazon in digital or paper formats).

Are you going to try going to some AA meetings as well ?- It sure sounds like you could do with the understanding and fellowship you'd find there.

Sending prayers and hope for sobriety and recovery for you xx

Welcome to the family. :hug:

Hi lily - day four for me after my first ever hospital stay because of alcohol. Sometimes it takes hitting bottom to get back up. I am also a mom so I relate to how you're feeling. Keep your head up - I believe in you and we can do this together.

Welcome Lilly, I know how you are feeling right now and it does get better one day at a time as you put sober days together. Hang in there. I will be praying for you. :-)

Hi Lily bless your heart, I am on day four of being sober i will be praying for you

Big Book. Dr and Therapist. Sounds like you are starting off right. Welcome back.

Lilly is one of my favorite names by the way.

Good for you for making a plan . Seeing a dr, a therapist , an using a recovery book is a huge step. Give yourself a pat on the back , it can be hard to get started.

Welcome back Lilly, I have 31 days today, and SR has been a big part of it. I am a mom too, and I think we have a tendency to be hard on ourselves. Thankfully there are no haters on here, only support.

Welcome back Lilly!! :)

Day 4. Struggling so much. Family arguing and guilt is tearing me apart. I see the damage I have created and also all the things I have been drinking to avoid. Not going to drink though.

Day 4 is fantastic Lilly!! :scoregood

The important thing is you're doing something about it, making amends by changing your drinking, that's something to be incredibly proud of!!

Keep pushing through!! :)

Congrats on day 4, you are doing an amazing job. It is hard to face things once sober... some of the things you see, were the things that alcohol was used to hide from, so it is still there. I know for me, ultimately drinking never helped. I am on day 11, and the memories of the self-loathing, depression and anxiety brought on by drinking are still fresh and a huge motivator.

I am now actually dealing with things, confronting issues and life is actually getting better!

Thanks for your replys! I had such a nice day planned and everything went wrong. My middle school son became angry at the family and yelled at me that I have been out of it or crabby for the past year. I want to crawl in a hole! I know some will say let it be motivation to change, but a nice day would have been much more helpful and motivational. Sitting and crying right now and realize it will be such a long, hard journey to regain trust and respect. Part of my path to wino mom status was the extreme pain and frustration of parenting. That and about 10 other reasons some of which more causal in fact. None of that matters now since I cannot look for reasons or excuses but must focus on true change. My Dad was such an alcoholic and I would not have said the things my kids have said to me to him. I deserve it. Thank you so much for letting me vent. I truely feel I am understood on this board and that makes a difference!!!

Hi Lily
 

i am on day 6 so kinda in same boat keep moving forward your doing Awesome