I'm on day 5 and dealing with my alcohol voice (AV) by reading and posting. It's a dangerous time. It's saturday afternoon, the golf is on, and I'm free and clear thru monday morn. I always looked forward to this but now I look forward to for a different reason. Fathers day is tomorrow and I have all my kids home and nobody will eye roll at me as the day goes on!

Post here constantly and take one day at a time.

You not only can do this but you ARE doing this.

OMB

Welcome lily, children are resilent ...... You've got a great plan in place. Keep on keeping on. What's worked for me are meds......I'm much more stable and happier w them. I remember asking my doctor for them when my son was your sons age and the doctor said no Id get fat.....how stupid is that. So if your not happy w what you hear from your doctors or therapist....get new ones. Thanks for posting.

Aww, Lilly, I know how you feel. My kids are all adults now, but they used to say some pretty mean things to me too when they were your sons age. I am only on day 5 again after a relapse, and I know how emotional and hard this all is. I just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Hugs!

This year I missed my 9 year olds first violin concert because I was "sick", really I was drunk. I went to a parent/teacher conference probably smelling of alcohol and with a wicked hangover. I told myself I was a functioning mom of 4 who happened to like a little wine in the evenings. Bull. We've all done things we are so profoundly ashamed of. The fact is, we can't undo them. But we are here changing our behavior and wanting and trying to change for ourselves and our loved ones. As a fellow wino mom who didn't start drinking until I was 35, please practice a little self love and treat yourself gently, even when those around you don't. It's gonna take time. Hugs!

Hi Lilly, I don't have kids, but I imagine it must be difficult. Your going in the right direction right? That's a positive. Respect and trust has to be earned, not demanded. And I believe that process does not happen overnight. I've been there. Took me a long gosh darn long time to earn the trust and respect back from family and friends, but did. And it feels good. You'll get there. Wishing you the best.

Kid's words can be so cutting at times can't they. I know I've been guilty of saying really hurtful things to my mum when I was a kid and teen (and she did nothing to deserve it).

People won't always behave well towards us, or appreciate our efforts to turn things around- the trick to staying sober is to keep working on our sobriety anyway, and remember not to judge ourselves by other people's responses to us.

The words of 'Anyway' often help me when I'm feeling a bit 'what's the bl**dy point??!!'ish, so I'm going to share them with you. Feel free to ignore them if they don't help you though.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

-this version is credited to Mother Teresa

Thank you all so very much!! Sat at a child's sporting event tearing up, so full of sadness and reading these helpful, encouraging posts! On to day 5 and I will not drink today!!

Hi Lilly.

I've felt myself in the horrible put you describe.

Today I am clean and sober and clear and aware and present and grateful in my sober life.

You can be there too, and you've taken the right steps - read the book. Keep posting here. Get to some meetings. See a doctor, book with a counselor, make some changes in your lifestyle to support and embrace sobriety. I know it feels daunting, maybe even impossible - but it's entirely possible, and it's wonderful.

You will find yourself joyous, happy, grateful and free.... Stick with it!