Reset button necessary? I need your thoughts!
 

Hi all. Some of you may remember me as someone who was on here for a few months a year ago. Well, I am back and feel significantly more committed than last time. Since my last posts on here, I have attended my first AA meeting (it went really well) and intend to get a sponsor this coming Wednesday. I want to share the story of my "moment of clarity" and stopping (6/6/15) but I'll save that for when I have time. (I don't mean to sound selfish but I just know you guys would appreciate it and I feel warm inside hearing your comments and love. Seriously.) Anyway, I am posting with a serious concern that I may need to reset my sobriety date. My mind is going nuts right now trying to figure out what to do. I have been very diligent in the last week avoiding alcohol, reaching out to people, setting goals, etc. But last night at my parents' house (mom and stepdad), I had a huge craving for alcohol when I saw that they were both sipping some wine. They are both aware of my desire to stop drinking, and my mom was considerate when she said "Sorry to be doing this around you - it has been a crazy day." My stepdad is somewhat good at making drinks (not a pro by any means though, as you will find out), so I said to him, "let me challenge you! Make something for me with club soda that tastes relatively like a cocktail. Nonalcoholic!" So he got to work and five minutes later he came back and set a drink down in front of me. To describe what it tasted like would be irrelevant, but all in all, it was not THAT impressive...until it occurred to me that there MIGHT be a chance there was alcohol in it because I swore I felt something other than blood going through my veins. I kept studying the glass, looking for any liquor swirling beside the club soda. I also glanced at my stepdad several times to see if he was watching me drink it, paranoid that he wasn't taking my request seriously. What he concocted didn't taste overwhelmingly alcoholic by any means and I still wasn't totally sure about it having alcohol in it because I had specifically told my stepdad NON ALCOHOLIC. So maybe five sips in I said to myself, "hey, I don't know. I'm drinking it. It goes nice with this burger. Whatever. I'll have water after this." So I finished the glass to the last drop until I could feel the ice tickling my lips. I asked aloud... "I want another! What's in this?"
He said, "club soda, olives obviously, vermouth..." I didn't know what to say. I feel like my heart stopped for a minute. I KNEW it. I knew I felt something peculiar/questionable. But I kept going because I wasn't sure and also thought "even if there was alcohol in it, might as well finish the whole thing because it is in my dang system now!" He said that he had just put a cap full in and that it wouldn't be a lot of alcohol content anyway (I think both he and my mom compared it to the equivalent of maybe listerine). He went to go check the alcohol content info on the bottle and immediately put it away and out of sight. I don't know what to think. I had had an amazing week sober and then this happened. I mean I did learn a lesson that I should be absolutely sure I know what I am consuming (and CONFIRM!) but gosh... I'm thinking so hard about this and thinking it was my fault that I kept sipping even though I was a bit suspicious. What I am grateful for is that I didn't sneak any alcohol later or anything. I stopped at that drink in pure numbness I guess. After all this, it WAS alcohol, right!? That equals not sober. OR is it the mindset or whether or not you get drunk!? I'm confused. Sorry for this novel of a thread but I'm seriously struggling. Thanks guys. I appreciate any response. It is good to be back on here.

One more quick thought: I was so proud of myself at church with my family yesterday too, requesting grape juice for communion instead of wine. The staff member went out of his way to go get me some! How could this proud moment happen and then me continuing a drink I was suspicious of?!

Hello and welcome back to SR coastalgirl, I think the important thing is that you didnt continue to drink after that slip and you stay stopped, thats what counts. There are lots of times people who are sober will consume alcohol by accident, it just happens.

One of the great things about sobriety is finding out no one is perfect.

You didn't do it on purpose. Let it go and move forward - no harm done.

I'd have a serious discussion with your parents about what they serve you in the future.

Welcome back to SR, coastalgirl!

A day count is just a number so I wouldn't obsess on it. I don't really have an opinion on whether you should "start" your count over as only you know how sure you were in your mind if that drink had alcohol after that first sip. But I also wouldn't obsess on it. It's just a number and the important thing is you didn't keep drinking after that and, most importantly, that you're sober today. I know my OCD alcoholic mind would use that situation as an excuse to go ahead and continue drinking and "start over" the next day. Proud of you for not doing that.

I would let it go and would also fix my own drinks around your parents from now on.

Hope you'll become a regular poster here. There is strength in numbers.

That is totally up to you. I've accidentally taken sips and didn't think it was a slip or relapse. I looked at my motives and the situation and spoke to my sponsor.

I haven't taken my drug of choice since getting clean, for any reason but I know it's only time before there will be a situation where it is not an option, but I don't dwell on that. I just continue to be honest with everyone and myself.

I'm so glad you're back!

You handled the situation beautifully. I call that sober. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Hi there, I agree with others, I would have a serious discussion with your parents. Honestly, I would be very upset if I asked my dad to make me a non-alcoholic drink and he "snuck" alcohol in there. Especially if he knew I was trying to get and stay sober!

After your first sip, when you thought there might be alcohol in it, did you stop and ask your dad what was in it or did you wait until you finished it?

Lastly, as others also said, I would make your own drinks from now on. I find it better for me if I just stick to a soda, water etc in the early days. Stuff that doesn't resemble alcohol.

Only you can decide if you need to re-start your sobriety date. If you knew there "might" be alcohol in it but continued to drink it anyway I personally would reset my sobriety date.

If you took a sip and said something like "holy crap dad! Is there alcohol in this?" and then dumped it out immediately, then no...I don't think you need to reset your date because you didn't drink it on purpose.

Hang in there!

Hi and welcome Sobergirl.
You didn't intend to drink anything alcoholic and you had very little. Please don't beat yourself up over this.
Today is a new and wonderful day to continue your quest for sobriety.
Best of luck to you on your journey; we are all here for you.
Ring

I had a similar experience recently when I met up with a friend who got me beer, said it was TOTALLY alcohol free (not 0.05% or anything) and three gulps later, he confessed and thought it wasn't a big deal.

Some people said it didn't matter, others said it was up to me, my sponsor doesn't count days or anything so she said not to worry about it, just keep moving forward.

You can decide what you want to do. It's entirely up to you. This is your journey and I really think that talking with your family about it might help. I would definitely not be happy if that had happened to me!

Welcome back!

I'd say if you are counting days to just leave it at what you are at now, no re-set. You said "no alcohol". You expected no alcohol. You didn't say "mix me a martini." I'd make sure to mix my own drinks from now on. I'd have more trouble with my mother drinking in front of me saying "sorry, I had a rough day."

We all have rough days. It's how we handle them that sets us apart. Keep your count and your plan.

My roommate gave me homemade cough syrup once. I could tell as soon as it hit my lips and hmmmm the sugary taste made me want to go back for more. I felt guilty about it too, I always read the labels on cough syrup but didn't even think to ask if there was booze in hers cuz she knew I didnt drink. I stayed up all night worried, I ran it by my sober support group they all agreed not a slip, didnt know it was alcoholic and didn't go back fir it even though YUM.
did you know Yeager meister was originally a cough syrup made by franciscan monks? Lol those monks knew how to party if you ask me. Yeager and chanting and whatnot - great way to change the way you feel . J/K of course. Anyways ,,,
Just my experience

It sounds like you are serious about staying sober. With that said I would steer clear of anyone drinking period. I agree with Ruby..your mom drinking wine in front of you sounds a wee insensitive. For me there is no non-alcoholic beer, no mocktails. It is hard enough with my AV chirping in my ear daily, I don't want to get triggered by something that even resembles alcohol. It is playing with fire. Glad you are back!

I don't think it's a big deal about when to start counting days. It is, however, important for us to check out our thinking whenever we pick up a drink, regardless of the circumstances. All I can say is that, when I'm drinking, if I were to ask someone who knows about my struggles with alcohol to make me a rum and coke, and I suspected that it had no alcohol in it for whatever reason, I'd put it down and make the drink myself.

I won't question your motives. Instead, I'm drawn to a couple of your comments:

And prior to this, you commented:

We need to be vigilant, mindful and aware in early sobriety.

It isn't always the drinking itself that kills us, but the thinking that goes with it.

Thank you! Yeah, I was thinking the same thing about my mom saying that... She and I would have fought if I had responded though. LOL.

Thank you guys. This means a ton to me. I've perked up every time I have gotten an email notification that someone has replied to the thread. I am starting to feel better, but still question what is "right" to me. I feel like my gut isn't being honest with me. I am hopeful though.

If your gut is telling you to reset your date, then do so. Don't let guilt eat you up. It's just a number. Like I said before, the important thing is you didn't take that second drink, you're sober today, and you came and asked for help. You're on the right path whether it's technically day 1 or day 7,393.

(And I'm not saying you should reset your date, just saying if your instincts are telling you to do so and the thought won't go away, it might be the answer for you personally.)

I waited until I finished with the drink it to ask what was in it.

No worries! If you slip after this, that would be different. I'm not sure confronting your mom and stepdad would be helpful. I found with my sis that she simply doesn't "get it". Normies don't understand why we can't moderate. So my message is to look out for yourself, consider this a learning experience and then let it go. Whether or not you reset your date seems fairly irrelevant to me unless it really bothers you. Good that you didn't continue drinking - I would call that a victory :-)