I could feel how proud she was of me today.
 

Four years ago, my daughter started high school and I started my sobriety journey (neither of which were perfect).

I have been sober for the majority of the last four years, but I faltered and floundered a few times. Life did, as life will do, and in my inability to cope healthily, I chose to fall back into the bottle a few times. This last time, I was drinking unprecedented amounts and I saw her eyes go vacant when I would pick up. It was slowly killing both of our souls. I decided to get sober again at the New Year, and I have been (thanks to this place and a lot of hard work)ever since.

Today she was inducted to the alumni association of my, and now her, alma mater. This is a significant event of profound emotional healing that has taken place over the last 4 years. My late sister graduated from this school as well, and I was a sophomore there when she passed from a drug and alcohol overdose. The community rallied around me, and for all intents and purposes, carried me through the next two years to graduation. I was forever greatful for my all girls catholic education and knew I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for that place.

But there was always a painful disconnect in regards to that place. It represented a sorrow so immense, that the first time I stepped back into those hallowed halls with her, I was dizzy and nauseated. The pain was almost more than I could bear. Every emotion of high school flooded back, intensified and blaring. I lost my peripheral vision and started to faint.

I was hungover her first day of school.

Today, I was able to show up. Bright eyes and a clear head. Shoulders back and chest out with immense pride for her acccomplishments. Head held high from my own.

As I walked past her table to light her candle welcoming her into the sisterhood, I could feel the love and pride she had that I belonged to her. The crowd of friends she was with, got teary eyed as well, as they too, know my story.

All of it.

Its a tradition at this school that if your mom is an alum, she will hand you your diploma at graduation.

That moment, will be the penultimate moment, of the final healing of my soul. I will most likely not be able to contain my emotion and have already advise the principal, who has become my dear friend, to have oxygen and a stretcher waiting in the wings for me lol.

Thanks for letting me share this. I'm really moved by all this.

XO AO

That was an amazing post AO, I'm so happy for you. My daughter and I share a closeness that wouldn't have been possible were I still drinking.

Thank you for sharing xx

Oh, AO, what an amazingly beautiful and intensely emotional post. Iit brought tears and joy.

I am so happy for both of you.

Oh wow, thanks for sharing, this is so beautiful.

You know...SR is great for so many things...but not so great for the mascara wearer's at work ;)

Congratulations! I'm very happy for you and your daughter.

Thats awesome AO

That's such a beautiful post, AO, and so moving and inspiring to read. You deserve every last ounce of that pride :)

Excellent post! So awesome.

Lovely post. Thank you for sharing this. As a new mum it's good to hear stories like this.

L x

My daughter turned 11 on Sunday and we're beginning therapy next week to begin to heal past hurts caused by her father's addiction and exacerbated by my past drinking. To say our relationship is tumultuous is an understatement. It's one of my last frontiers to conquer with regards to the rippling waves addiction left in its wake. After I met with the therapist yesterday I left with a sense of peace that I have never felt about my little girl.

I can't wait to see & feel this pride you speak of. It's coming I know thanks to sobriety. Like you, I'm stopping the cycle with my daughter's generation. Your post strengthens my resolve & bolsters my hope.

Thank you again for another beautiful & touching post.

That day will come, indeed, Hearts.

And congrats, AO.

You are so very lucky to have a wonderful daughter that you can enjoy for many sober years. She is truly a gift from God and I am so happy for you.

Thank you for sharing your happiness with us, AO. What a beautiful thing it must have been.

Love this. Thank you for sharing.

That...was...beautiful.

coming full circle in a very different way.
wow.

This is why we get sober.

And just think of this... When you have grandchildren they will never know you as an alcoholic :)

Great post.
Head held high, squared shouldered look at you . Bottle that feeling , that is the stuff worthy of a princess slipper. ;)

...beautiful... :hug:

Beautiful accomplishment on so many levels across so many important lives. Alpha, you're such a wonderful example of how belief in one's self, and in our loved one's lives, can enable any of us to a more fulfilled life. :hug:

It is a real pleasure for me to see you so accomplished and above your personal trials and troubles. My dear friend, Thank You for being an enduring inspiration for me. :hug:

Your post brought me to tears. I am very happy for you xx

Convocation.

Today we began the graduation festivities with the award ceremony that recognizes all the individual achievements of the students. I got to the auditorium early so I could spend some time in quiet reflection as I knew once family and friends started coming, I would be distracted from the serenity I absolutely had to channel today in order to not melt into a giant pile of mascara and Kleenex.

I remember the first time I sat in that aud, about 7 years old, with my sister during the fun fair. We watched Oh God with George Burns. The reels malfunctioned. Sigh. Typical of underfunded Catholic schools... :)

Memories flew through my head like that malfunctioning movie reel, choppy and staccato.

Much of high school I don't remember at all. It's as if it simply doesn't exist. Must be some sort of coping mechanism put in place by Mother Nature to remove some of the PTSD.

Try as I might, there are moments I can recall, but they are far and few between.

Tears rolled down with wild abandon. And I didn't even try to stop them. I knew they were making my in laws uncomfortable. Like my daughter likes to joke, "Mom, sometimes your level of emotionality and expressions of love makes people feel awkward." Lol.

Get used to it little sister. I'm done holding back. :)

Tomorrow is commencement.

If perhaps you think about it, maybe you all could send me some of that delicious SR warrior strength energy to hold me up at "the" moment ? It would be so very much appreciated.

I'm gonna make it after all....

XO AO

Beautiful post Alpha. I'm so glad you're letting all those emotions out. It's your soul healing.

We were out planting flowers this afternoon and the wind picked up pretty good, now I know where the knitted beret came from :)
The psychic energy I'll send goes to those in the surrounding rows "that lady is just feelin it, no worries"
Enjoy, experience , react , you go , do you

Awesome SW warrior strength energy for commencement as good as sent and done. (((Alpha))), we're all so wildly proud of YOU. :hug:

What a great story

Really late..but I'm glad I got to read this thread. Awesome stuff :)

D

SR warrior strength on its way for you. With big hugs. But it is ok AO. Your emotional expression reminds everyone that we are sentient beings. More hugs to you. I cannot wait until you fill us in on the day. Thanks for sharing, AO.

Congrats AO. What an amazing story and journey you've had! I'm thrilled for you and your daughter!