I could feel how proud she was of me today.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
I could feel how proud she was of me today.
Four years ago, my daughter started high school and I started my sobriety journey (neither of which were perfect).
I have been sober for the majority of the last four years, but I faltered and floundered a few times. Life did, as life will do, and in my inability to cope healthily, I chose to fall back into the bottle a few times. This last time, I was drinking unprecedented amounts and I saw her eyes go vacant when I would pick up. It was slowly killing both of our souls. I decided to get sober again at the New Year, and I have been (thanks to this place and a lot of hard work)ever since.
Today she was inducted to the alumni association of my, and now her, alma mater. This is a significant event of profound emotional healing that has taken place over the last 4 years. My late sister graduated from this school as well, and I was a sophomore there when she passed from a drug and alcohol overdose. The community rallied around me, and for all intents and purposes, carried me through the next two years to graduation. I was forever greatful for my all girls catholic education and knew I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for that place.
But there was always a painful disconnect in regards to that place. It represented a sorrow so immense, that the first time I stepped back into those hallowed halls with her, I was dizzy and nauseated. The pain was almost more than I could bear. Every emotion of high school flooded back, intensified and blaring. I lost my peripheral vision and started to faint.
I was hungover her first day of school.
Today, I was able to show up. Bright eyes and a clear head. Shoulders back and chest out with immense pride for her acccomplishments. Head held high from my own.
As I walked past her table to light her candle welcoming her into the sisterhood, I could feel the love and pride she had that I belonged to her. The crowd of friends she was with, got teary eyed as well, as they too, know my story.
All of it.
Its a tradition at this school that if your mom is an alum, she will hand you your diploma at graduation.
That moment, will be the penultimate moment, of the final healing of my soul. I will most likely not be able to contain my emotion and have already advise the principal, who has become my dear friend, to have oxygen and a stretcher waiting in the wings for me lol.
Thanks for letting me share this. I'm really moved by all this.
XO AO
I have been sober for the majority of the last four years, but I faltered and floundered a few times. Life did, as life will do, and in my inability to cope healthily, I chose to fall back into the bottle a few times. This last time, I was drinking unprecedented amounts and I saw her eyes go vacant when I would pick up. It was slowly killing both of our souls. I decided to get sober again at the New Year, and I have been (thanks to this place and a lot of hard work)ever since.
Today she was inducted to the alumni association of my, and now her, alma mater. This is a significant event of profound emotional healing that has taken place over the last 4 years. My late sister graduated from this school as well, and I was a sophomore there when she passed from a drug and alcohol overdose. The community rallied around me, and for all intents and purposes, carried me through the next two years to graduation. I was forever greatful for my all girls catholic education and knew I wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for that place.
But there was always a painful disconnect in regards to that place. It represented a sorrow so immense, that the first time I stepped back into those hallowed halls with her, I was dizzy and nauseated. The pain was almost more than I could bear. Every emotion of high school flooded back, intensified and blaring. I lost my peripheral vision and started to faint.
I was hungover her first day of school.
Today, I was able to show up. Bright eyes and a clear head. Shoulders back and chest out with immense pride for her acccomplishments. Head held high from my own.
As I walked past her table to light her candle welcoming her into the sisterhood, I could feel the love and pride she had that I belonged to her. The crowd of friends she was with, got teary eyed as well, as they too, know my story.
All of it.
Its a tradition at this school that if your mom is an alum, she will hand you your diploma at graduation.
That moment, will be the penultimate moment, of the final healing of my soul. I will most likely not be able to contain my emotion and have already advise the principal, who has become my dear friend, to have oxygen and a stretcher waiting in the wings for me lol.
Thanks for letting me share this. I'm really moved by all this.
XO AO
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Deep in the heart of Texas
Posts: 1,736
My daughter turned 11 on Sunday and we're beginning therapy next week to begin to heal past hurts caused by her father's addiction and exacerbated by my past drinking. To say our relationship is tumultuous is an understatement. It's one of my last frontiers to conquer with regards to the rippling waves addiction left in its wake. After I met with the therapist yesterday I left with a sense of peace that I have never felt about my little girl.
I can't wait to see & feel this pride you speak of. It's coming I know thanks to sobriety. Like you, I'm stopping the cycle with my daughter's generation. Your post strengthens my resolve & bolsters my hope.
Thank you again for another beautiful & touching post.
I can't wait to see & feel this pride you speak of. It's coming I know thanks to sobriety. Like you, I'm stopping the cycle with my daughter's generation. Your post strengthens my resolve & bolsters my hope.
Thank you again for another beautiful & touching post.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4,860
Originally Posted by HeartsAfire 
I can't wait to see & feel this pride you speak of. It's coming I know thanks to sobriety. Like you, I'm stopping the cycle with my daughter's generation. Your post strengthens my resolve & bolsters my hope.
And congrats, AO.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by dwtbd
Great post.
Head held high, squared shouldered look at you . Bottle that feeling , that is the stuff worthy of a princess slipper.
Head held high, squared shouldered look at you . Bottle that feeling , that is the stuff worthy of a princess slipper.
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