How Can I Stay Sober For the Long-Term?
 

I am 30 and have been in about of AA for about 6 years. Lived a pretty productive life, but occasionally get black out drunk and end up destroying everything that I have worked for.

Often I know I'm heading toward self destruction, but it doesn't stop me.

All I want is to live is a simple life. I have made it six months in the past going to daily meetings and making coffee and over the past year I have rarely consumed alcohol at all. I have been focusing of a healthy life style, which has really paid off. I haven't been sober though. I have been trying to keep the option of drinking available.

Last night I went out drinking with co-workers. Got black-out drunk and really put my life on the line. I am in South Korea, so I can't just pop down to my neighborhood AA meeting. I really want to stop drinking permanently, but without daily support I just don't think I can do it.

Here mostly to make something positive out of this horrible state I am in. Hoping that this can be my turning point and that I can truly give this habit up and commit to staying sober.

Welcome to the Forum Hotelcalifornia!! :wave:

For me I needed more than good intentions, that only got me soo far, you mentioned you went 6 months with support, and that was the key for me, having something outside of myself to give me a second opinion on things and keep me focused on the task at hand was the key, as in isolation my mind would convince me to drink sooner or later, SR is a great place for that.

Next up was a change in decision making, for Sobriety to work I needed to change what activities to get involved in and what people to hang out with, I needed to get revolutionary, a few major lifestyle choices to make it happen, so things like drinks on a Friday night needed to go by the wayside.

You can do this!! :)

There are AA meetings in Seoul:

AA in Korea: Home

AA in Korea: Seoul

Good for you. Posting here does help.

Admitting that I am an alcoholic. An
alcoholic who can not drink successfully.

Accepting that I am someone amongst
many who has an illness, an addiction
to a poison, controlling substance that
kept me sick.

I was taught the AA program of recovery
24yrs ago when family intervened on me
and placing me into the hands of those
who are capable of teaching me how to
live life one day at a time incorporating
a program of recovery in all areas of my
life.

I listened, learned, absorbed and applied
this program of recovery each day, willing
to do whatever I needed to do to the best
of my ability to stay sober.

All those folks I hung on to listening to
How It Works, reading it, absorbing it,
following in their footsteps quietly,
anonymously for so long until things
began to make sense.

Then I truly began to believe that if all
those members could and would remain
sober each day by following the steps
and principles as well remaining teachable
then so could I.

Many times I wanted to do things in life
my own way to only get burned so to
speak on a stove top, to finally learned
those hard lessons to realize that I needed
help by asking.

I opened my ears, opened my heart,
became teachable, followed directions
and suggestions and applied it to my
life.

Find someone that you can relate to
at ur meeting and follow them in their
actions as they guide you to a freedom
and serenity in recovery you will enjoy
for yrs to come.

HC,
welcome.
staying sober long-term is highly unlikely with this: I have been trying to keep the option of drinking available.
some people, me among them, had to take that long view and look at the forever-want and come to peace with the "never-again" in order to have the option off the table today.
others take the option off the table for today only. others do neither of those but find something else that works.
but not drinking is required if you want long-term sobriety.
sounds like you might be ambivalent about it...

if you really want a simple life, i can tell you that certainly my own life is much simpler with no drinking, no thoughts around when, where, how of the drinking and the consequences...oh yes, much simpler now. free to do and think of other things.

there are AA meetings online and a million other recovery-organizations with gazillions of online involvement 24/7 available.

Coming here will help. My story is sort of similar of recent, I made it almost 7 months but then had a bunch of slips and have settled into a once a month blackout drunk routine. Like you, I need to cut it out for good. We can do this.

I lived in SK for 6 months. Not a lot of sobriety going around, more like a whole Lotta drinking everywhere you look. I know that's hard. I started meeting with the counselor from Canada who was living there and he helped me a lot. I also called the embassy to ask for some more resources. When I was there five years ago AAA was feeling far between, hopefully it's gotten better. God knows that country needs some AA! It was considered rude to not drink, and somebody was always filling up your glass. Stay on the AAA online meetings whatever you can to get some help.

Know why my phone Kept doing the triple A thing??? Also, are you military?

Thank you all for your responses and encouragement. Reading these responses gives me hope. I have always tried to keep one foot in the program and one out. Always too ambivalent to commit, thinking I could do it my own way. I mean, I have been doing so well over the past year and then THIS!

It's just like a huge scary slap in the face. Binge drinking. I hate the person I become. Black out drunk, rude to everyone, hurting myself, destroying relationships. I want to say this isn't who I am, but after consistently slipping back into this throughout my entire adult life, maybe it is me. I have so much regret I can hardly contain it. I also see people all around me who have and are suffering from alcoholism, yet I keep drinking.

Fini, I know you are right. Staying sober is unlikely, unless I absolutely stop. I want to. I have wanted to so many times, yet here I am again. I just don't trust myself to know that in a few months I won't find a way to justify it again. It's a horrible feeling... I just want to trust myself that I am finally finished for real.

SoberHoopsFan, we can do this.

I will do some checking around for online meetings and just jump into this head on. I need help and maybe, while I am here, I can find some of that help here with you guys. I know I need a daily routine that keeps me focused on remembering why I can't drink.

Thanks again for your thoughts every one.

I tried to get sober for years - looking back, what was missing was a commitment to change.

I had to look at my friends and the places we went and things we did. I also had to look at the way I used alcohol to solve problems or console me, or as medication.

It may seem daunting but it's really not as hard as trying to drink as much as you can without your life falling to pieces, y'know? :)

D

HC,
getting really engaged in daily participating was a huge help to me.

Staying sober is unlikely, unless I absolutely stop.
hmm.......actually, staying sober is impossible without stopping.

yes, i'm aiming for forever, but i've broken that commitment many times in my gazillion tries. but this time (2006) i understood that commitment internally wasn't enough. i had to add actions. one of those was participating online. another was a weekly secular meeting. reading; lots of reading about the various ways others had done it. talking about it. that kind of stuff.

participating here daily will be one way of being involved and staying aware.

Fini, haha yeah. You know what I mean though. In the past I have kind of kept the future unwritten as far as committing to a program and really admitting my addiction. This time it just really feels like I am finished. I hope it's real.
I feel, for the first time in my life, like I actually have a reason to live. Or something lose. Over the past year, I have barely drunk, lost like 30 pounds, and started a decent job. Having experienced long-term depression (started SSRIs at 16) this year has been the most progressive in terms of having joy and happiness in my life. Living for the simple things and working hard. I've really tried to be a kind person. It's bewildering how absolutely all of that goes away in a night of drinking.

I am ready to take this on. I know I will need a lot of help and I will try to stay active here and contribute.

Lscotty, btw no I am not military.

Hi Hotelcalifornia, welcome to SR. I found this site good for me, preferable to face to face but that suites me, I can get up in middle of the night and there's someone here.

Also, there's lots of experiences you may be able to relate to.

I'm with you on wanting to leave my options open. I always thought I would train myself to drink moderately, like others do, but nope. It was zero alcohol or drink until I fell asleep or backed out.

I chose not to drink.

Acceptance is key. I accepted it as an addiction rather than a bad habit. I was a blackout drinker too. They scared the hell out of me.

Take it one day at a time.

As long as kept drinking as an option, I kept drinking. When I finally accepted it as a "no way no how" I felt much more at peace. It's been ten months since my last drink and my life has improved in every way.

Thanks Mags and Melinda. I am really thankful for all of your comments.

I am fairly new on the process of recovery. However, what gave me the initiative and willingness to stop was to ACCEPT that I have disease that needs daily attention. For me, meetings alone just could NOT keep me sober. It was about connecting to a higher power and accepting that I have to hold my self accountable because no one else can save from this disease without my willingness.
Also, for me I could not have just limited my use I had to shut it out of my life completely. God helps me a lot but I know for some it is not their way of life. Ultimately, a good rehab/an intensive recovery sober living (90 days or more), a major rock bottom where you have no option BUT to change, Adding God to your daily life, are all routes to willingness/acceptance. A geographical change helps but only temporarily (Wherever you go, you bring yourself with you) But that time away from your environment even for a few months does wonders. Remember, everything we work hard for means nothing to alcohol and drugs in this disease of addiction.

Read Beautiful Boy/We all fall down by Nic Sheff. Also try to visit the US sometime and check out the AA meetings in Los Angeles they are amazing and life changing for me they were at least.

I will keep you in my prayers

Thanks Skywalker. I'll check out those books. Will be back in states in July and will go to a meeting every day I'm there.

still here. day 2. thankful. just gotta get through work!

Hi.
I’m a hard line old timer and was taught by the old timers.

I was taught that I had to be honest with myself about my drinking and ACCEPT the fact I cannot drink in safety one day at a time in a row. I needed to WANT to be sober! Above ALL things I needed to go to any lengths to get and stay sober.

That last sentence is tough and I needed to rid myself of the awe buts.

This recovery thing is not a side show for when we feel like it, it’s the main event and we need to remain vigilant because alcohol is powerful, cunning, baffling and a killer.

BE WELL

This thread is great. Thank you for sharing, hotelcalifornia. You helped me see the big thing in my own several-year journey of on-again, off-again sobriety. I, too, didn't want to commit or take the option of drinking off the table. I am back to day 2 and I will spend a lot of time examining my reluctance to commit. I can commit to today.
Keep us posted how your journey is going!

Back in the day, there was an old saying in answer to the question, "How does one achieve long-term sobriety?" ......and the answer is, "Don't drink, and don't die." Simple, eh.....?

(o:
NoelleR

Thank you for this. I'm at square one today. Evaluating my reluctance to commit -- and how to keep that commitment long term

In order to commit to long term sobriety, you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink. Simple, but not easy. But it is possible. :)

Have tried?

AA in Korea: Meeting Start

I am on a short break, so I have to be quick. First, thank you all for your comments.

I am ready. I have never been ready to go to any length and always had that hope of being normal with effort. I get it this time. This is what a bottom feels like. I am ready to accept that I am an alcoholic and will NEVER be able to drink normal. Last night, after I brushed my teeth, I went to wash with Listerine and thought, man if this puts the slightest amount into my body... it's not worth the risk. I put it down and went to bed.

The Korean meetings are just too far from my house to go to. Right now, SR is all I have and I am exploring maybe trying to find a sponsor via Skype if that is a thing.

Thanks again. I am so thankful to see these words from you all.

I really don't want to drink and I really want to be sober. I am trying to be accountable for my actions. Still waiting to see what the results of my last night out will be.

IOA22, I have attended meetings daily in the past for up to six months and was the coffee maker, etc., but really didn't like hearing the truth. I was a dry drunk. I was also so afraid of being known to be an alcoholic. At the same time, it felt like a home to me. Now, I see that I just wasn't ready to stop. I wasn't ready and had to go out and do it again. Now I have even more stuff to regret and dwell on forever (because I dwell on every mistake I've made since I started drinking at 16. Obsessively at times.) That's okay though. They're my battle scars and evidence that I have been losing this battle for almost 15 years. I know it's old-timers like you who speak the truth that a lot of us don't want to hear. I hope my ego doesn't get in my way this time around. Part of me is even hoping I lose my visa and have to go back to the States just so I can go to meetings. I really need to keep this job though, and if I come out of this alright, I will be really thankful for a second chance.

I can usually find someone or thing to sort of blame for what's happened. This time, man, I know it was all me and a bunch of booze.

Hang in there. Praying is getting me through my rough moments and I'll say a prayer for you. We can do this.

Just checking in to make this a positive habit. Just found out my mom has been in the hospital and detox for the past week. This is the third time for her. Doctor says she has 6 months if she doesn't stop. I feel like there is nothing I can do. I'm going to stay sober today though, so if she needs someone to talk to I can be that person.