Make it clear you're a non drinker - and remember that not everyone obsesses about drinking like we do/did - it's ok to refuse a drink, and perfectly ok to say 'no thanks I don't drink'

Come in early (before everyone is wasted), stay for about half an hour.
If someone ask you if you want a drink say:
yes, a diet coke would be great. Thank you (or whatever non alcoholic drink you like)
Leave it at that. I betcha anything that no one asks you why you don't drink.
It's not just alcoholics who don't drunk you know, diabetics, people in some religions like Muslims, Buddhists or Mormons, people into fitness and then some people just don't like it.
When you make your early exit, if someone ask you why you are leaving early just say:
I have to get up early tomorrow.
No need for details.

It's probably more an issue in your mind than theirs. It's pretty likely that what you're drinking or not drinking will not even cross their minds.

I completely understand your dilemma, but simply put your sobriety is worth everything. Having made a complete **S of myself at a business function with my husband, trust me- having stuck to my sobriety for 2 hours and had club soda with lime instead of wine would have me today with many less regrets, guilt and shame. It isn't worth it. If you are honest with yourself, the first drink will lead you down the path you do not want to go again. Congrats on almost 2 months! You can do it!

I have a similar issue having drank heavily with co-workers and bosses before and having around the same time sober as you. This summer will be a challenge, but I'm seriously thinking about making up a vague medical diagnosis as an excuse.

Let us know how you did! Always good to see our member hold strong!

Thank you everyone for your support and advice! I totally agree with having a plan On The Road and Lance! I didn't think about it, but actually having a set time I will stay there like half an hour or so as others mentioned and I think I'll set a plan for why I'm leaving in case anyone notices me sneak out. I'll definitely be ordering a kiddie cocktail or something since it'll look close enough to the real thing.

I just want all my new coworkers to like me so much that I want to make sure I have all of my 'sober devices' with me to make sure I don't end up drinking as my failed attempt to get my coworkers to like me and accept me as part of the group. You all have given me so much advice and comfort, though. You're right that I don't owe anyone an explanation for not drinking. People don't usually notice things like that and I bet I'm imaging the event far worse in my head just out of normal paranoia. I keep forgetting that not everyone obsesses over drinking like I do, so most won't even notice me not drinking.

Also, thank you to those of you who commented on me having a fresh start and the ability to establish myself as a non-drinker! I can't believe I didn't see it that way, instead I saw this as a situation where I'd be letting people down by not drinking with the team. So thank you all for helping me remain calm, create a strategic plan to enjoy the event but get our before it's too late, and helping me see the silver lining!

I KNOW I can do this and I'm going to keep reminding myself that if abstaining from alcohol will not be letting anyone down other than myself. Thank you thank you thank you all! The event was re-scheduled for next week so I will let you know how it goes :) I know I'll have SR easily accessible ... Just in case ;)

This.

It's like if my boss was going to jump off a cliff... and I didn't participate, would I be questioning my choice to not jump off a cliff? Sure I will go watch them jump off a cliff if it makes me part of their crowd, but being part of their crowd only goes so far until it puts me in danger.

If they drink, fine. if your employment is based on whether you drink or not you need to find a different employer.

I found no one cared if I drank or not, as long as I didn't condone them for drinking. I see fools jumping off the cliff every day, it doesn't mean I have to join them in order to work with them. If my work isn't good enough than again, I need to seek other employment.

Another thought: There may be other co-workers there not drinking! Just because they show up for an office hangout doesn't mean they're all drinkers as well. You could have some support there and not even know it yet!

I just had this happen and I was nervous too....I ordered a club soda (after going to the bathroom ahead of time to let the group settle) I positioned myself to be asked 'later' (not first), what I wanted, and later, when I was offered a drink, I said I had to get going soon and no one cared that I didn't drink. I will say, strangely, I did notice (not judge, noticed), a co-worker quickly drank 4 straight vodkas shots, not a beer whatsoever, within the first hour of said Happy Hour, and I would say, that's what was being noticed. As well, he came to work and had to leave early b/c he felt quite ill. I felt sad to see that, but was a reminder that I was doing the right thing! I do think that sometimes people will bluntly ask and in that case, less is more, so have fun, be confident, and Congrats on 57 days! Awesome job!

I hope some/even one of them doesn't drink. All of my friends are still somewhat heavy drinkers so I incorrectly assume most/everyone drinks. Occasionally I feel this unspoken obligation to drink with them and almost like I'm letting them down if I don't. I know that's not true and all in my head but I just want to make everyone happy and can feel like the wet blanket (again I know this isn't true and it's in my head because that's how I felt when I was getting plastered daily and would be upset when others wouldn't drink with me because it made it more obvious I had a problem). But I know I am fun sober and am getting better at accepting that these thoughts are not genuine concerns.

I don't know these people yet, so like you and others have said there might be some non-drinker allies which I would never have known to be non-drinkers if I skipped the event!

Thank you for letting me rant and for the help and positivity. I really needed to hear this today; I've relapsed at/around 60 days before but that won't happen this time :) I've got SR on speed dial.

That's genius to be positioned last to order your drink! At that point everyone has ordered and is already chatting and not paying attention. And you made a great point I hadn't realized - usually when drinking is involved, it's the heaviest drinker who is noticed not the one who isn't drinking. And even if everyone is drinking heavily, they probably won't remember little old me who ordered a soda :)

Hi Kafka. I agree with others in that you should have a plan as to what drink you will order before you get there. Or how you will respond if someone wants to buy you a drink.

Since you are new in the group, they are probably more likely to respect the fact you don't drink. At least one would hope so. If you were meeting a group that knew you as a drinker in the past, they would probably be more likely to bug you about it. I honestly don't think you'll have a problem. Let us know how it goes.

Tell us how it went, Kafkaesque.

Kafka, I think that Lance's thought here is a great way to think of it! I also agree with others: many people don't drink, especially at work events. I went to a little work get together where only one person out of the 12 of us drank, and she had a single glass of wine.

I would probably suggest NOT turning anything back around on a co-worker, especially if you're new at the job and there's higher-ups there...it can come across as a bit pious and arrogant...

That being said, I'd also say to set yourself a time deadline - if the HH starts at 5:00, plan to be on the road by 6:00 (or whatever). Take initiative in the conversations so you don't feel bored and want to order up. Plan to do something else tonight when you get home...maybe some exercise, like a long walk.

Just my thoughts...

Thanks everybody for the advice and support. The event is on Wednesday so I'll let you know how it goes. I may even be giving you all play by plays depending on how loud the AV is while I am there. Regardless of what the AV says, I'm not going to drink. I might go to the bathroom every 5 minutes to talk to you all but I'd rather let everyone think I have a medical condition rather than compromise my sobriety! I really am so glad for all of you. I think the anticipation and the nerves of the event happening at all was more of a trigger (I have pretty bad social anxiety) than the event will even be. So thank you all for keeping me sane these last few days.

I agree, I am going to stay until 550-555 and tell them when I'm leaving that I have to catch the 615 train (which won't be untrue!) The benefit is that the next one is an hour after that so if anyone asks why I don't stay longer, I'll have an honest and valid reason. I feel so much better having all of this planned out in my mind, just because I know how I'm going to react and respond and most importantly: protect my sobriety. I think if I feel that tempted while I'm there, I'll feign a stomach ache and leave earlier.

I agree, I probably won't turn it around on my coworkers since they don't know me and people in the city tend to pry unintentionally. I definitely think I'll turn it around on my friends and family members when they are tempting me though!

Thank you everyone again!!!

Good stuff Kaf

Thank you Matilda! I definitely tend to just assume because I used to drink all the time, surely everyone does. But I'm reminded every day that it's just not the case. I was struggling when I first got on the train this evening because I saw some with glasses of wine and beer and it triggered something for me. But now that the train car is full, out of the 75 or so people on here... Only 5 or so of them are drinking. i hope soon enough rejecting a drink is just a reflex for me and not something I have to mentally prepare myself for. :) Thank you for this awesome reminder and reassurance. I'll need it on Wednesday and I sure needed it now :)

Well today is the day. I was able to make friends with someone in my department who is also planning on leaving happy hour early! I'm very grateful because it will be much easier to make an appearance for an hour and then head out to catch a train with someone, rather than interrupting the conversation and drawing attention to the fact that I am leaving earlier than the rest.

Here goes nothing. I don't think I have been so nervous since I interviewed for this job!