just a number ....
 

Someone asked me how long its been since I had a drink(concerned cousin) .. I have no clue .. I thought this time; last couple times I've tried to quit, that counting was just stressing me more. I've been thinking & I can't say.

Another realization I wasn't "ready" to quit, because I've been keeping 2 times in my head .. One for "official" records & the truth. I've drank 3-4 times in the last year. In a sense it shouldn't matter; as long as I'm sober in the end.

But that whole the ends justifies the means thing is crap !!! Lying to myself in essence is just more stress & anxiety on myself. I went back & read post from 2 years ago & I'm even more saddened by my actions.

It's very difficult to see my flaws & process everything that is going on right now. I've lost loved ones, my brother has already had 2 car accidents since I been here. My father. It just seems so overwhelming to me.

But I am sober & I've had chances to drink; and I've passed. The one friend I have here is a good guy, but not the supportive type. My cousin is wrapped in her own family & there are times where she forces me "out" to her house so I'm not so isolated.

Ok, just rambling thoughts trying to get in the habit of posting more & reading more ...

Dennis

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery

That's great, Dennis. Not drinking is at least one element of control even when everything else feels out of control. It took my many years to learn one important lesson- when you find yourself in a deep hole, stop digging!

I think you're doing pretty well all things considered.:scoregood

Hey, Dennis. So, should we hunt you down and make you post more? :) You ramble all you want if it helps you. I know posting and reading here helps me and a lot of folk. Someone's always here it seems.

I'm like you, as in I don't count days. It fits better in my mind to just say: "I don't drink".

Congratulations Dennis.

I know an old timer who when asked how long he has been sober responds “since about 6AM.”

There’s a lot in being sober and what a change that’s apparent in you!

BE WELL

G'day Dennis. Take off your thongs, take a seat and park your feet on the cat. We're just getting comfy.

You can try; but it's not a question of not wanting to; it's net access & working on a tablet that's been the issue lol

I'd really like to get to a point in my sobriety where the days don't matter anymore. It's 42 days for me. I'll keep hanging in there. Sober is my new thing and I'm sticking to it. I'm looking forward to a great weekend. Take care and it's nice to meet you.

PS I went a Grateful Dead & Allman Brothers concert Up in New York State in 1973 so its about time I stick with the program.:You_Rock_

You will Marcus. :) I don't have a clue now -- a little over two years is the best I could say -- but in the beginning the days were (rightly) precious to me and I knew my day count and sometimes my hour count. That's ok, it's a valid reward.

Hahaha was just listening to '73 RFK today ... That was my "drown them out & deal" music today shopping for my folks ...

Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery