just a number ....
just a number ....
Someone asked me how long its been since I had a drink(concerned cousin) .. I have no clue .. I thought this time; last couple times I've tried to quit, that counting was just stressing me more. I've been thinking & I can't say.
Another realization I wasn't "ready" to quit, because I've been keeping 2 times in my head .. One for "official" records & the truth. I've drank 3-4 times in the last year. In a sense it shouldn't matter; as long as I'm sober in the end.
But that whole the ends justifies the means thing is crap !!! Lying to myself in essence is just more stress & anxiety on myself. I went back & read post from 2 years ago & I'm even more saddened by my actions.
It's very difficult to see my flaws & process everything that is going on right now. I've lost loved ones, my brother has already had 2 car accidents since I been here. My father. It just seems so overwhelming to me.
But I am sober & I've had chances to drink; and I've passed. The one friend I have here is a good guy, but not the supportive type. My cousin is wrapped in her own family & there are times where she forces me "out" to her house so I'm not so isolated.
Ok, just rambling thoughts trying to get in the habit of posting more & reading more ...
Dennis
Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery
Another realization I wasn't "ready" to quit, because I've been keeping 2 times in my head .. One for "official" records & the truth. I've drank 3-4 times in the last year. In a sense it shouldn't matter; as long as I'm sober in the end.
But that whole the ends justifies the means thing is crap !!! Lying to myself in essence is just more stress & anxiety on myself. I went back & read post from 2 years ago & I'm even more saddened by my actions.
It's very difficult to see my flaws & process everything that is going on right now. I've lost loved ones, my brother has already had 2 car accidents since I been here. My father. It just seems so overwhelming to me.
But I am sober & I've had chances to drink; and I've passed. The one friend I have here is a good guy, but not the supportive type. My cousin is wrapped in her own family & there are times where she forces me "out" to her house so I'm not so isolated.
Ok, just rambling thoughts trying to get in the habit of posting more & reading more ...
Dennis
Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery
That's great, Dennis. Not drinking is at least one element of control even when everything else feels out of control. It took my many years to learn one important lesson- when you find yourself in a deep hole, stop digging!
I think you're doing pretty well all things considered.
I think you're doing pretty well all things considered.
Hey, Dennis. So, should we hunt you down and make you post more? You ramble all you want if it helps you. I know posting and reading here helps me and a lot of folk. Someone's always here it seems.
I'm like you, as in I don't count days. It fits better in my mind to just say: "I don't drink".
I'm like you, as in I don't count days. It fits better in my mind to just say: "I don't drink".
I'd really like to get to a point in my sobriety where the days don't matter anymore. It's 42 days for me. I'll keep hanging in there. Sober is my new thing and I'm sticking to it. I'm looking forward to a great weekend. Take care and it's nice to meet you.
PS I went a Grateful Dead & Allman Brothers concert Up in New York State in 1973 so its about time I stick with the program.
PS I went a Grateful Dead & Allman Brothers concert Up in New York State in 1973 so its about time I stick with the program.
You will Marcus. I don't have a clue now -- a little over two years is the best I could say -- but in the beginning the days were (rightly) precious to me and I knew my day count and sometimes my hour count. That's ok, it's a valid reward.
Sent from my Nexus 7 using Sober Recovery
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)