Glad I found you
 

I'm new to SR and still a little shy about sharing, but the wine "posts" have prompted me.

I have not quit yet, but I know that I need to and I believe that this is a good starting point. I am a wine-o. I drink a bottle and a half every evening. Every morning I tell myself that I'm not going to do it again tonight, yet I do. I've made excuses for myself long enough. My personal favorites are "I don't frequent bars", "I've never gotten a DUI" and "I drink responsibly". Well how responsible is feeling like **** every morning? I've stopped on my own for two years previously, but my drinking is much more excessive now. Is AA the only option? Is it a good one? How much does religion play into it?

Any input would be greatly appreciated.

welcome !
 

You have found a great place ! I use AA as my means for recovery today and although I was resistant to it for awhile I find that I love AA now and it works for me .AA is not allied with any religious organizations ,there are other means of recovery that I personally dont know too much about . I am sure that those that do will be along to inform you .You can go to the AA web site and learn all about our organization . I wish you the best and congradulations on your desire to stop drinking , that is the only requirement for AA membership , prayers ^ Trish

Welcome StacySun. You have come to the right place. I was a minimum of 2 liyers of wine a night and nevermissed a day of work but I was destroying my health both physically, emotionally and mentally. My life became nothing but work and drinking. I didn't even socialize anymore with my family.. AA has been a great help to me and the people are very caring and loving.
give it a try. It couldn't hurt. Keep posting and sharing here with us as well. Sobriety can be a tough journey at times but it is well worht it and we are all in this together to encourage and help eachother.

(((StacySun))) :hug:

I'm another member of AA. I couldn't quit on my own and finally was willing to except the fact, I was powerless against alcohol. Boy did I ever fight that notion. I tried everything I could think of, to prove that it was wrong and I could drink socially. LOL. Silly me, I got the same results each time. The were all unfavorable. Time to throw in the towel and take action. Total abstinence was the only solution for me. The physical and mental toll it was taking on me became overwhelming. I chose AA because I believe the program works. Other programs I'm not familiar with and aren't readily available in my area. Someone will be along to give you info on the other recovery programs. The religious aspect is, it asks you to turn things over to your HP. Whatever you choose your higher power to be. Good luck and welcome to SR. I hope your journey to recovery is smooth sailing. Keep coming back, you'll find great advice and support here. take care...

Talia :wiggle:

Hi Stacy.
Here's a bunch of links...
12 Step Alternatives.
Welcome to SoberRecovery.
:biglaugh:

Hi StacySun,
Welcome to SR. I love wine too and can usually polish it off easily with pasta.
:yumyum: My favorite is cabarnet sauvignon. So, like it was with me, I'm sorry :sad: to hear that you may have to give it up. Respected health sources will allow a glass of wine a day preferably at meal time. But somehow one glass turns into too many...I guess you get the picture.
Anyway, I'm glad you're doing research into your habit. If you haven't already been in the Women's Recovery Forum, that's a good place to visit. There are many wonderful and loving women in there who can give you support.
Hugs, Sandy

Thank you for the posts.

So far everyone has recommended AA. Regarding AA, I need a little schooling. My uneducated understanding is that it is public. Correct? I go to a meeting place, everyone sees who I am, and we all talk about our issues with alcohol? I'm very apprehensive about the "anonymous" part. Though I realize that everyone is there for the same reason, what is to stop others from disclosing my identity to their friends and family. (My So Cal town is closely knit) Is there no possible way to deal with this on my own? Is part of recovery acknowledging to loved ones that I have a problem? I didn't really want anyone to know.

Please advise.

Hello again, Stacy,
I know how you feel about maintaining one's privacy. It's uncomfortable to let other's in on our private lives. I always feel like if someone knows something negative about me, they will use it against me somehow. :sad:
Hugs, Sandy

Well Stacy, an AA meeting is a place where anyone goes to seek help and support with their desire to stop drinking. You might be surprised who you run into in the rooms:wink3:
You ask a very important question... It was for me. I was in denial for a long time. And I hid my problem as best I could. But towards the end, I had become such a transparent sick individual that it really didn't matter. There's a saying that goes... We're only as sick as the secrets we keep. I believe that to be true today.
Regarding AA again, may I suggest you call your local AA Intergroup office and voice your concerns to the person that will answer.
I don't know how big your town is, and you may not have such an office to access. But if you possibly can, that would be a good move I think.
Best of luck to you.

Sandy Marie,

Do you attend AA meetings?

Stacy

Thank you Dangerous Dan. I greatly appreciate your response.

I am going to call AA at lunch (provided that I can get away from my co-workers so they don't know the nature of my phone call)! Seriously, I'm going to call.

Thank you.

No worries. We all get to a place in our own way, in our own time. Just be honest with yourself in this. That's the only thing that really matters.

No Stacy,
I'm afraid I haven't started because of the privacy issue. :sad: I've been sober since July 30 this year and am researching the idea same as you. 3 legacy spent an hour with me in the chat room giving me pointers on AA. Maybe you could send him a private message and he would meet you there one morning. He likes to chat online in the mornings and I know he would like to visit with you. He's a wonderful person who has helped many people at SR and with AA.
Hugs, Sandy

Sandy Marie, congratulations on quitting.

So you've done it on your own so far?

Hi and welcome!
I'm glad your recognize it's time to make a change. Many recover everyday! However, few make it on their own. I know just one or two here, and don't know anyone in my personal life who was able to do it alone. The support is a must IMO.

AA is not the only way. You have options, Counseling, Therapy, the SMART program, the WFS program, Recovery by Choice, and Lifering, to name some of the good ones.

You have to decide, I didn't know about choices when I got sober, and went to AA, I'm still going. It's a good program that works for me.

So stick around and get used to the gang!

(((Stacy & Sandy)))

I understand your concerns about AA and it's anonymity. When I first started going, I only attended meetings out of time and was apprehensive in coming out of my alcoholic closet. I wanted to keep it within my circle of family and close friends. It then donned on me, why? Who did I think I was kidding? No one, the small community where I live, was aware of my closet drinking and my daily trips to the store for wine. They saw me looking like heck in the A.M. with my bottle of wine in hand. They talked about my problem behind my back whether I wanted to recognize it or not. My fear was maybe there was that one person that didn't know. Phooey on them, anyone who wants to judge my for reaching out for help awwww...who really matters anyway? I do!!! It's my life and yes I'm an alcoholic. It's my responsibility to deal with it. I can only hope that people would respect the fact I'm not willing to give into my alcoholism and choose to fight it. Most would be supportive and phooey with the rest. Some thrive on others misfortune because it takes the focus off of their miserable lives. I want to set an example and show that people can turn their lives around for the better. As Dan stated, you'd be suprised of who you might bump into at a meeting. I believe most people admire someone for taking charge and changing their life for the better, no matter how difficult it may be. Good luck ladies I'm glad you have taken the step to reach for help. It will get easier and you will be able to walk through the fear with the help of others.

Have a great 24,

Talia

Hi Stacy and Sandy..pleased to meet you, and welcome to SoberRecovery.

You know what I commend anyone reaching out, going for help. To me that shows such a strong character in a person. That's my thoughts on it, if it means getting yourself well, family and friends should be supportive seeing you seeking help, makes sense doesn't it? No one is perfect either, I think everyone has a skelton in their closet, and would you judge them if they came out and let you know what it is? I know I wouldn't.

AA worked for me, I was scared when I first went in last year and I was so sick I didn't care who knew I was going, I needed to be WELL, and it works you girls, it works, but you have to keep going, don't get smart like I did and think you can do it alone, cause guess what, you'll slide right back into the old routine and I warn you it will be worse.

Please take care of yourselves, and I'm wishing you all the best on your recovery and your descison on your choice of recovery.

Love....Denise

Thank you everyone. I truly appreciate all the feedback.

I called AA on my lunch break and the nice man on the other end directed me to the schedule posted on-line. There are plenty of meetings to attend. I do have a question...is it normal that they're all held at churches? And to confirm, aside from acknowledging a higher power, there isn't a religious affiliation?

So what's harder, actually showing up to a meeting or telling your spouse that you're going?

good for you
 

i am only 35 days sober, but i am doing my best.

if you are worried about someone recognizing you,,,do not worry. go to a meeting two towns over....i live in los angeles and they have tons of meetings and they are not all in churches.


i am not a very religious person, but going to the meetings in the church rooms does not bother me. it is about finding a higher power and that can be whatever you want.

i feel safer walking into the church rooms than walking into the liquor store. so i look at it like that.

there are many people who are not religious, i am just feeling my way around, but most are very nice. there are characters, but do not let any of that discourage you.

i go 5 minutes at a time.
hang in there.....

ebg

EBG:

Good point...there are some scary liquor stores in L.A. I've been in a few too many. I guess that I need to get over the church/religious thing. I guess more of my worry is being preached to, but it doesn't appear that that occurs at meetings.

I like the 5 mintues at a time. That's going to come in handy when I get off work.

Stacy, I'm not a religious man. That's an understatement:biglaugh:
There are many in AA like me. Like any group of people, several individuals with different approaches to life can be found at meetings. And just like society in general, many views will be represented. I've seen my fair share of preachers in the rooms. Don't make the mistake I made years ago and have them convince you that there is no other higher power than God, in the classic sense.
Simply isn't true.
And please, don't judge what Alcoholics Anonymous can do for you after just one meeting, should you decide to attend one.
Keep an open mind, above all.

Stacy,

In 6 months of AA meetings I've only experienced someone pushing religion once. It wasn't during the meeting - that wouldn't be welcome in a share. This guy was trolling for his "Christian 12 step group", and I told him that Christianity was on my resentment list (actually, I told him quite a bit more than that....). The important thing is that what he said wasn't AA, it was his own agenda - and I just moved on. I saw him at one other meeting where he did share - and I didn't hear word one about religion in that share (and he knew I was there and listening ;-).

We're all there for just one reason, so most of what you hear will be all about not drinking and how to live happily without alcohol. Anything else is noise, and we need to place principles above personalities. The only principles which count at an AA meeting are AA principles - which should not be associated with any sect or denomination.

And about that 5 minutes at a time....it's still pretty handy sometimes.

James

I've never been a religious person although I do believe In God. The religious aspect of AA was a concern for me, as well. I don't like someones religious views pushed on me. I've never had that become a problem so far in AA. There is alot of reference to God although. You'll have to make the adjustments within yourself to deal with it. The fact that meetings are held in churches is, there are'nt many places that are willing to offer there premises. The churches want to help those in need. There are costs and insurance factors as well. Someone may be able to clarify this or correct me if I'm wrong on the subject. There is always going to be the over zealous religous person in the crowd, just establish a boundary and explain you have your own religous beliefs or not. That's easy enough, right? Good luck and have a great first meeting. After your first meeting the fear of that unknown will be over. One last fear to deal with. Take care...

Oh and I might add, I think it's more about find spirituality within yourself. Finding your own inner peace and serenity. I know I won't be attending Sunday morning services anytime soon, but am working on finding my spirituality. How ever you perceive spirituality to be.

Talia

getting off work....
 

hey stacysun,

it is the time now when i start freaking out about going home. i have an empty apartment waiting for me. it is a scary place right now. you said you have a husband. is he supportive? it can make a big difference.i found this board by accident. i have an aa sponsor who rocks....she makes me laugh...and i get along with her very well.


wait until friday. i really start freaking out. it is really ugly.

i do not know where you live, but if you are in the l.a. area there are so many meetings. i go to a late night 10pm. it is dark,and they night people are there. i am not much of a morning person. that 10pm has saved me several times....


the whole religious thing bothers me a bit. i just have my own ways of higher power. my mantra....." every day be the best person you can be, treat people the best you can, and do not accept poor treatment from anyone"

a higher power....it is there...karma....i do believe in.

let me know how you are doing.....we can hang in here together... :scared1:

The hand holding and reciting the Lord's prayer bothered me at first. I don't like to hold hands with strange people I don't know. Then I thought how petty. How bad do you want to remain sober? I welcome someones hand now. We all are trying to achieve the same goal. Sobriety and a better way of life.

One does not have to hold hands during the prayer.
One doesn't have to recite the prayer.
Much like one doesn't have to share at a meeting.
A lot of meetings are held in church basements because of the relatively cheap rent.
Union halls are another common location where meetings are held.

Oh Yes The Hand Holding...
 

IT IS NOT SO BAD, in the a.a. meetings they do recite the lords prayer. you do what makes you feel comfortable. i join hands and say it. it is not so bad.

it is nice to have a strangers hand. we here in l.a. are so disconnected with our cell phones,status symbols,and starbucks(not me i am very un-hollywood)...we pass each other by.
so the hand holding, the introducing, the "fellowship" is not so bad.


just do not drink.......

that is what i keep telling myself....

I sent you all a long thank you and it didn't post. Damn server!

To sum it up in one sentence, all of your posts have been more than helpful, they've been quite comforting as well.

Thank you.

I know the prayer, but you have to hand hold?

EBG:

You inquired about my husband's support (just in case you didn't receive that message). He doesn't know. He works out of town during the week; therefore, has no idea the extent to which I drink. I hide it. I'm afraid to even bring it up. He has issues of his own. He's a total stoner - full blown pothead. He smokes more times a day than drinks I consume. My point, I'm afraid that he won't be supportive because he may not want to face his own issues. That's part of the reason I don't want to go to AA and do it on my own, so I can continue to keep it private. This whole thing is a lot bigger than my alcoholism.