The jargon of relapse
 

I was wondering what is a relapse. For example if someone has only stopped drinking for say 1-7 days and then started again (even though they were trying to quit) would that be considered a relapse or simply "they just really didn't quit". I was wondering if there has to be a significant amount of time in sobriety before a drinking episode is considered a relapse.

I have 24 days in - if I drank say today, would that be a relapse?

Someone on this forum (I can't find the quote) made a statement to the affects that there is no such thing as a relapse, only that one simply had not stopped drinking.

Does the language of "relapse" actually enable us? Give us an out - an excuse to drinking again?

I'm not sure this matters all that much....

to me, anyone who wakes up with the intention and desire to stop drinking but then drinks is relapsed.

one hour, one day, one month.... the determining factor for me was always "did I intend to stop? did I then drink?" If yes, and yes, then relapse.


But again I think this is one of those areas we can easily get wound up in debating and analyzing and focusing on - instead of sobriety.

There's a whole lexicon of terms - relapse, slip, fell over, went out, goofed, caved, fell off the wagon, made a boo boo, slipped up...

If you're into semiotics you can argue about what the different terms really mean.

I'm not aware of any general agreement on what constitutes a relapse as opposed to any of the other terms.

D

I hear you - arguing semantics gets no where. The bottom line is to not drink and focus on that and who cares what road you take to reach your destination.

Yep, you picked me for a simplicist (simpleton?) LOL - but some people enjoy arguing semiotics and semantics :)

Some feel it's very important too - AVRT is pretty much based on the premise of what word choices mean, isn't it?.

D

Thats it calico

Dee, I would never peg you as a simpleton - in my eyes you are a genius. I am truly amazed at you and your unwavering dedication to helping others. You ROCK.

Thanks for the kind words Calico :)

D

I was told by the clinic that if you just have a couple of drinks and get back on the wagon again it's a lapse if you go nuts again after a those few drinks it's a relapse.
I do believe that there are people that just don't really try hard enough!
They give in as soon as they get a craving. I believe those people are not ready to quit yet!
My dad is a smoker he got cancer in his mouth misses the roof of hus mouth now. Had to quit smoking. Well, was advised to quit. He did for a while now hes back smoking 30 a day again.

I'm on 62 days now, I have had moments where I litterally wanted to bang my head against the door coz of super intense cravings. But I refused to give in. It was hard really really hard!
That was last month. The clinic put me on both campral that I already was on and Naltrexone as well because I was going nuts because of all the cravings.
Now I have no cravings.
Am at the resort now a wedding shoot tomorrow. My first time expisure to alcohol at the reception since detix.
I was worried about it so I contacted the hotel. Asked them to empty the minibar for me and i sent them my photo so tge staff knows not to serve me any wine or alcohol during dinner!
I am all prepaired. The hotel staff is helpung me to minimise the expisure to alcohol so I can focus on my job 100%

See what I mean?! I could have done nothing and suffer cravings or I could do what I did, be pro active.
After the wedding my psychologist of the clinic and I are going to prepare me for the real world. When friends invite me and i go out for lunch/dinner with friends or wedding clients where alcohol is being served.
You have to be prepared and strong willed. I quit smoking 7.5 years ago after a 16 years addiction if 30 rollies a day.
I know I can do this one too.

That's awesome Pink. I applaud you for being proactive and doing something instead of sitting back and whining "poor me". You've got the right attitude and a winning one. This is a fight for life and one cannot be passive and expect to live.

One thing that has not been mentioned is the notion that a slip is the end of the world to some! Some approaches see a slip and resetting the clock and starting at Day One again, discarding any progress one has made. This puts one perpetually in the role of sick person. I'm no expert and my record isn't the best but I do know I have never given up trying to quit and I am determined to do it, despite lapses, relapses and longer periods of drinking. I'm not saying that relapses are OK - far from it - just that if the desire to stop is a high priority then hold on to that motivation whatever else happens.

What was important to me were the words I used just prior to and after my relapse.

More lies? More excuses? No action to avoid future relapses? More of the same.

Compared to what I've learned during sobriety, I learned virtually nothing from my relapse.

You have hit on my pet peeve. I have heard so many times in different recovery programs that "relapse is part of the process". In other words, if you have quit and haven't relapsed yet, it is almost expected. I think that is a bunch of hooey. My favorite thing i have seen on this site (several times) is that relapse can be part of addiction, not part of recovery. IMO its what you do the day after a relapse, just like it is what you do the day after 10 straight years of drinking, that is important. If framing it in a certain paradigm helps you get right back on sobriety, great, but they are just words and actions are what matters.
"I hear you - arguing semantics gets no where. The bottom line is to not drink and focus on that and who cares what road you take to reach your destination." This is very wise, you are smart not to get caught up in the language and focus on not drinking. :)

Relapse is part of my addiction, not of my recovery.

D

Yes Mentium, I agree with you...that if we don't manage continuous sobriety, but get back to starting again at day 1...it isn't a true 'beginners' start...in that although the refocus needs to be new and refreshed (of course) - it's wise to also take with us into the new day 1...all that we learned before about what worked, what didn't work...and importantly why we maybe 'slipped'... But all washed down (forgive the not so funny pun) with a big, long, chilled glass of...compassion for our intentions and hard work to stop...that ended in a slip-up. It's like just picking ourselves up from a bad fall, but with a psychologically kinder arm round our own shoulders of care towards ourselves - for just how it all goes. Being a drunk or alcoholic has already allowed us all to spend way too much time criticising ourselves and our efforts in life already...gone on a bit, but I hope you get my message?

Just say you quit drinking for 24 hours then drank ( I don't consider that a relapse because you really didn't even stop!)

Just say you quit the weekdays and then drank on the weekend. I would not consider that a relapse eiher because that is more of trying to cut back.

Now, give it a month and you drank. I would consider that a relapse.

That is only my interpretation of the word :)

My goal is sobriety. Willingly and knowingly swallowing any form of alcohol is a failure of that goal in my eyes. The quantity, timing and semantics surrounding it is largely irrelavant. Sober = no alchohol. Drinking = not sober. It doesn't really need to be any more complicated than that.

Failure, such a harsh word. Sort of makes me feel like I had no hope. :(

I will simply add that for me when I drank again I never really quit. Thought so but simply was not ready. At about 10 months and longest sober time in decades I now know what quitting means. So glad I was given this chance.....

Drinking again is not on today's thought processes.

It is a harsh word, but it is simply a word. If we have a goal and we do not meet it that does not mean we have no hope - it simply means we didn't meet the goal. Implying meaning to any word is dangerous business.

I haven't had the chance to read through everyone's posts so I apologize if I'm repeating someone, but the best advice anyone has ever given me on SR is that relapse is not part of recovery, it's part of the addiction.

So I agree to some extent that by saying its a relapse, you're enabling yourself by telling yourself it's inevitable, part of the process of getting sober, etc. But, if you accept that relapsing isn't part of recovery and getting sober and that it is your AV justifying your drinking, the word relapse will just be another thing (like drinking) that you don't do anymore. That was the hardest part for me to accept.

I hope you are doing well Calicofish.

So pretty much people should stop making excuses and try a bit harder stop telling yourself it's ok to drink again / drink a few cos it's part of the process, it's not! Like people said before.
It's damn hard work getting and staying sober! If you're not up to it /ready for it, like my dad thad picked up smokes again after having mouth cancer, then don't bother!
You can only succeed if you're willing to really give it your all.

If you make the decision to start drinking again after you made the decision to stop drinking, that's a relapse.

Relapse-(of someone suffering from a disease) suffer deterioration after a period of improvement.

I think words are important (but then, I'm a writer and a reader). It might be arguing semantics, but we talk about our conniving, manipulative AV "whispering words in our ear," trying to seduce us into drinking, so we do acknowledge that our perceptions and intentions can be changed with just words or thoughts of words...

I've written here before about the acceptance implied by the word "slip." To me, the word slip makes drinking a soft little accident, no big deal, just a cute little stumble as you cross the room. I use the word relapse, but as someone noted, the implication there is that we are all patients, and that - again - it is sort of out of our control, as a disease that resurfaces...

I recognize that it is a harsher word, but for me, drinking really is a failure! It is a failure to honor my commitment to my intentions. It is a failure to do the work that is part of my recovery. It is a giving in, a reach toward comfort, the choice of the easy. Just like choosing not to go to work and pulling the covers up, even though it might mean you get fired.

In some ways, that makes it sound like I am hard on myself, unforgiving. But, in truth, I am protecting myself. I am taking care of myself and my body and my health - physical, emotional, and spiritual. Just like if I broke a marriage vow with infidelity, I would consider myself a failure in that commitment, I have made a vow to myself to be sober, and if I break it, I have gone back on my word.

If I don't hold the hard line, I will drink. My AV is insidious, and quite able with words. I have to protect my sobriety like I would protect a baby, as we fled a fire storm through a jungle filled with hungry animals. I have to be ferocious in my protection of my sobriety.

I have "relapsed" multiple times; my whole adult life I have swung through the pendulum of being sober and drinking. In truth though, each time I have consciously made a decision to no longer live a sober lifestyle. Because it is difficult. And lonely, sometimes. And as soon as I am not living a sober lifestyle, I'm living a drinking lifestyle, and it isn't a momentary "slip" - it is a complete abandonment of my choice not to drink...

A wink, you know, is as good as a nod to a blind horse.
;)

Scott: yup and yup to your last two posts!

relapse is doing what you committed no to (insert substance, behavior here).

one thing that has made me furious about the conversation (im speaking of convo. at large, in the recovery community) is the way it gets twisted. a proper warning that one use may lead to more has been high-jacked by some as an excuse for benders. i realize this type of thing can happen, but it is not a definite result.

if this ever happens to me, i will attempt to do damage control ASAP. like with EVERY sip!
also, i will activate my support network immediately. i have made this a promise.-just like the original one.

I don't know what it means for others but, as an AA member, it would simply mean not having taken Step Three... no matter what the timing is.

To imply meaning to a word can be dangerous! That I strongly agree with :) I sometimes just can't help myself. Please do not get me wrong, I do realize that it is not all "Black and White"

I hope you have a great day!

How else are we supposed to use words if we don't assign meanings/definitions to them?