Finally I accepted
 

I finally accepted the fact that I have an issue. Now that I've done this, where do I go from here? The person I'm in a relationship with doesn't think they have an issue, I'm the only one, so I'll be the only one to stop. Is it possible to continue a relationship where one person is sober and the other is not? I'm new to all this and any advice will help. Thanks!

If you have a problem with an addiction then the best thing to do is stop.

Yes it can cause strains if your partner doesn't support you but at least tell your partner you want to quit and ask for their support. I would not expect your partner to quit with you - only they can make their own decision.

I think there are varying degrees to the question. My bottomline opinion is that it is absolutely possible, the question is would you want to. My wife drinks, I dont. She's a normie, so it causes us no stress at all. If she was an alcoholic or alcohol abuser, while I would still love her, I'm sure that after a while I would just get sick of it and move on. My sobriety was way too expensive and is too valuable for me to suffer through someone else's idiocy (mine was enough thank you). Case in point: I had a friend come visit me about 1 year ago. Surely an alcoholic, but a good friend. That said, we were out to dinner, and he started acting up - got loud, used foul language, etc. all to be funny. I literally got up, left the restaurant, and sent him packing when he finally made it home

Welcome to SR! :a122:

Where do you want to go?

Is your partner an alcoholic? If he drinks in a 'normal' way, then it's likely you could work out healthy boundaries for your relationship. If he's an alcoholic, then that changes everything.

I think we both have problems but as of now I'm the only one admitting anything. My partner drinks more than I do, or did, and justifies it bc "it's a work happy hour" or "i had a long week". I have asked that no alcohol come into the house and that caused a huge argument bc "I can't expect everyone else to change around me BC its not fair to them". I agree to a point but I'm cutting out the friends that don't support my recovery so what makes this different? I can't even talk to them at this point bc it just turns into an argument and I'm emotionally drained.

I struggled with this too as my husband has an addiction with another DOC and would drink too. Although he didn't drink as much as me it still bothered me when trying to get sober. But finally, I guess he recognized the good progress I've been making and jumped on board. Not saying that your partner will follow but if he sees you getting sober , he might want to as well. But if not, I say just focus on you and talk to him about your sobriety. I know I'm not much help as I'm new to this as well.

Sorry you never mentioned if your partner was a he or she so I assumed a he. Sorry if I'm mistaken!

Welcome Eholl its nice to meet you bud

i have a no alcohol rule in my home it always worries me when ppl dont want to respect this if its your home id state clearly & calmly that it just aint happening there are a 101 places to drink if someone cannot respect that for the person in recovery i find it very strange let alone start an argument about it

The good news is your going to find a lot of support here and your not alone

It's a she lol sorry I never really say she

I guess it's just giving me a lot of anxiety thinking that I may end up doing this alone. I'm capable of it, just never thought I would have to. Thanks for all the advice and for being there to vent to! Glad I signed up.

Don't give up. You can do this :)

I'm sure you could it's just once you get into it you might discover that you don't want to. My SO doesn't drink but if she did I would find it very hard to stay and if she had an actual issue I don't think I could stay. But much of that might be where I am in my relationship (which isn't the strongest right now).

You need to do this for you though - you're worth it

I have found that life will, on occasion, expect more of you than you ever thought it would. There is nothing for it but to reach down as deeply within yourself as you must to master the moments. You may find new depths of resolve within yourself that you never even knew existed, and so you will get to know yourself and your capacities even better. And then you will take more confidence in yourself than ever before.

I keep praying and telling myself that if I couldn't handle it I would still have a drink in my hand. I put my last drink down on Saturday. I haven't wanted a sip since and I have hope now. That's all I need to get started.

I'm four months in and my H still drinks. A lot. His drinking is not my business, and my not drinking isn't his. We're leading more separate lives than we used to... Time will tell if that's good enough. No major decisions the first year. You can handle it. Really.

Are you ok with separate lives? Maybe that's another thing I need to prepare myself for.

Hi EHoll,

You are ahead of where I was when I arrived on SR's doorstep. :) When I realized that I needed to change there was no going back, only forward without alcohol. Honestly, I had no idea what to say to my husband because I had no idea where I was heading or what it would look like. And I imagined if the situation were reversed and just moving forward slowly without alcohol seemed like the best course of action for me.

I just did it. Stopped drinking but did not really talk about it throughout the day and it helped that we were really busy. I was still 'me' just not alcohol soaked by 8pm. My husband was intrigued and we talked about it periodically and moved forward from there.

You can do this and live well! Welcome to SR.

I'm ok for now. They're not completely separate, we live together, have dinner together, walk the dog, watch tv etc. I've started doing some other things like regular yoga classes to support the changes I'm making. He uses the time I'm gone to do stuff and drink. I'm not focusing on it now. I'm being kind of selfish, focusing on myself.

I think it depends on how fundamental alcohol and alcohol related events are in your life and relationship and what else you have together. when I got sober I realized just how different my husband and I were. I changed so much and grew and wanted different things out of life.

Our life didn't really revolve round alcohol that much - we were just so different when I got sober that it didn't last