What I didn't post
 

During my travels today I was thinking up a story that I would post on SR. Posting stuff is therapeutic, right? I am known to be a blowhard and spinner of tall tales which isn't unusual unusual for drunks. Look at funny guys like WC Fields and Robin Williams, poor guy, and lots of standup comedians. They were all drunks or addicts.

Then I started to worry that my story would be too long for SR, you know exceed the character limit, and also my constant fear that it might interfere with someone's recovery, unless I disclosed that I have been drinking for 39 years, well of course not continually, first got drunk at 13, numerous sober interludes of days, weeks years etc., etc, the point being that I didn't want younger people to think they will go through what I'm going through after 37 fun filled days of sobriety (I had to verify that with an online date calculator).

Then I worried that I'd feel silly the next day and have to ghost from the forum, despite never worrying about what I said to my drunk friends, because in the hardcore bars, the next day nobody remembered who said what the next evening. Everyday is groundhog's day. Next, I thought I didn’t need to post at all to get therapeutic benefit, because of my belief that if you think about a thing long enough, it's just as good as doing it. On the other hand I felt readers might get some benefit even if they thought the story was unfunny, stupid or pathetic because they would hence feel better and encouraged about their own recovery, or maybe someone would cut & paste it into a mental health journal as a case study of derangement, and that might help doctors understand addiction.

I thought some more that it might be better to post an abridged version to avoid the character limit problem, or a condensed Reader's Digest version, but decided finally on this, the dust jacket version. This is as short as it gets folks, but the good thing is that you can read all of it, some of it, or if you so choose, none of it by hitting the back button. Don't worry about offending me because what do I care if no one reads it. Most people didn't listen to my drunken tales so what does it matter.

All right, I'm done talking about myself because that gets so boring. It's all fiction anyway, or maybe not, because I'm not sure I even know what's true or not.

What I really, truly, believe is our world is a wonderful, beautiful place, with blue skies, puffy white clouds, lakes, rivers, flowers, animals like dogs and cats, beaches and the rest of the great stuff, and we can just go outside, take it all in, and reach a state of eternal bliss --sincerely, Pollyanna.

Ok, enough nonsense. Seriously, it just occurred to me that it is Sunday and have to work tomorrow and I can't watch the movie I reserved because I went to the wrong Redbox, so bonsoire and adios muchachos. Your tolerance is much appreciated and please remember the tomorrow thing because babe, I got you babe. - John

Oh, I could have told you what I did last night, not drinking, but not at all funny but shameful. Suffice to say I went off on someone for no reason. Said I was sorry after the fact, but I have no excuse and it it was wrong. It's bugging me. The sobriety number is wrong - it's 36 days.

As long as you knew it was wrong and admitted it let it go :)

Thanks so much you guys.

My BS aside, one thing that is a fact is that I am 52 years old, and if I relapse again I'm almost certainly dead. My body can't take it. I'm scared and need to go to meetings or do something to prevent it, but I am afraid to

I love humor, especially limericks. Maybe someone can write one that I can have carved on my headstone. Cheers

I agree John, I have no more relapses in me. I was older too when I came here and got serious about stopping. It was taking it's toll & I was exhausted from trying to manage it. I'm glad you have your 36 days - keep it going.

Yes I will keep trying. I feel better from posting.

I guess that's how it works.