Guilt and Shame
 

Guilt and shame are two things that I really struggle with.

I was sober for almost 7 months before I slipped and had a relapse last Thursday after a terrible job interview.

Now I am on day 3.

So should I feel guilty?

Not guilty as such tetra but learn from it

Your doing exellent on day 3 well done

Guilt doesn't solve much, we can't go back and change anything!!

Instead we can assess where we have been, what we did then and what we can maybe do differently moving forward!!

Keep moving forward Tetra and continue to write this new Sober chapter of your life!! :)

Guilt and shame in relapse are common emotions but not useful ones.

Examine the relapse and learn from the experience but move forward with hope and confidence.

Your quote says it all:
"Do not judge me by my successes, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again" - Nelson Mandela.


You fell... time to get up again.

Good job on 3 days, don't feel guilty about having to start over again, be glad that you want to start over again. *Hugs*

Guilt can be good. Shame, not so much.

Guilt helps you see that you drank and you regret that. "I did something bad."

Shame causes you to internalize the guilt, and makes you feel like you are a bad or defective person because you drank. "I am a bad person."

Guilt can help you to make the changes necessary in order to not make the same past mistakes over and over. Shame is debilitating.

Figure out what you need to do in order not to allow drinking as an option. You aren't a bad person for drinking. So try not to beat yourself up.

You can't think about that right now - it's not doing any good. I too relapsed recently, and had to take a step back and look at my progress as a whole. The number of days has nothing to do with how much sobriety you have. I've talked to people who have been abstinent for years and have crappy sobriety and others who have months of abstinence and had awesome sobriety. Look at your overall progress.

You have been heaped with guilt and shame by your mother most all of your life.

Therefore, it has become an "automatic" response for you and you invoke it even without her present.

I did the same thing. Everything was my fault, and I should feel guilty and be ashamed for causing it, and my mother, worry.

Because of this, I really don't think guilt and shame are particularly productive for either you or me.

When I do something I should not have, I accept I did it, take any consequences, and resolve to do better in the future.

You've done that--so I suggest you let both guilt and shame leave the premises, and think about what you can do to be more successful and happier in your sobriety in the future.

This is a much more productive past time :)

Lots of good advice here Tetra, glad you came back. The key is to learn and remember times like this without dwelling on the past. Rather than worry about guilt, look and see if you were doing everyting you could to honor your sobriety leading up to the interview. Most times when we choose to drink, there are multiple things leading up to the actual event.

Tetra, how are you getting your alcohol?

Are you driving to get it? Do you have it
in ur home?

Remember, we cant relapse or slip if
it is not around us or is easy to reach for.

Right?

Im glad you are still sharing and receiving
lots of helpful suggestions to help you not
drink. They are very important to maintaining
sobriety. Stay strong. :)

((Tetra))

The guilt is one of the most destructive, and damaging, and useless feelings.


Pick yourself up, analyze mistakes, move forward.

Guilt will do nothing but drowning you in your past which is already gone.

Keep your chin up, stay sober.

What? You failed? Again?

Do you know how many times I(and others here) have failed? The number is uncountable. You fail, you get up again. When you don't get up again, you die.

Holding on to the guilt and shame kept me in the arms of my addiction, the one thing that CAUSED the guilt and shame, longer than I should have let it.
Once we figure out how to let that go, we can move on.. and we're bound to fall a few times.. Keep your chin up!

I have trouble with guilt and shame. A year sober but it almost seems to get worse as old repressed memories from my drinking days get triggered. I read some blog the other day about mental toughness and there was a great line: See the past as valuable training, nothing more. Learn from the mistakes then let it go.

The only feeling we have control over is our own. I am in no position to tell you how to feel.

What I can do is tell you how I would feel, and then you can answer your own question :)

I think you relapsed, you didn't slip--you just drank and relapsed. You slip on a banana peel, the alcohol don't slip in your mouth lol

Would I feel guilty?
Yes.

But only because it would make me stronger. By feeling uncomfortable or guilt I WILL NOT DO I AGAIN!

I'm not going to tell you it was o.k.--because it wasn't. I am in no position to judge, one day I could be in your position. There is no guarantee for any of us.

Don't take a relapse lightly. At the same time remember YOU CONTROL IT, IT DOES NOT CONTROL YOU!

We don't look backward--we look forward. Day 4-5-6 ect. are all waiting to be SOBER DAYS!

Tetra, I hope you can focus on getting back to your recovery.

Forgive yourself, learn and move on. :)

Hey Tetra

Guilt, shame and remorse are the unholy trinity resulting from our drinking. They are of no benefit and trap us in the past. My lesson has been to learn from the past in a clinical fashion. Leave the emotional baggage behind. Make amends as needed and then move forward. It is important to leave the negative emotions behind you. There is nothing that can be done about the past other than amends (if required). Remember that all the negative emotions are in your mind and you can let it go...now !

Focus on your recovery plan and how you will deal with this type of stress in the future

Keep moving forward Tetra, there is only one direction - ahead !

You drank one day out of seven months. One day. Never let the perfect become the enemy of the good.

We all have to start over and learn from it. Tetra I am new here and I am already feel comfortable here. Put your chin up and just remember every time you have to start over, will get easier when you learn from it.

Tetra you drank after a bad interview. If you have that experience again, what would you do instead of drinking? Think it through to the end of the tape -- what special little indulgences would comfort you and set you up for sober living?