Wow! A lot of differing thoughts on this topic. Thanks for all your thoughtful replies everybody!

My own initial reaction to my "situation" was to only see the possible bad outcomes. "This won't end well."

But if something were to end up happening between she and I there could also be so many positives. And if it were to end badly...well, isn't that just a part of life?

Can't say what's going to come of it, but there are some things here for me to think over. Thanks again!

I'll echo the "no dating at work" thing from experience, myself. So, SO awkward when things ended. For me, the stress of that drove me to drink heavier than ever and caused me to lose my job because of emotional distress. Essentially, it fueled my downward spiral (though it would've happened eventually).

I wouldn't risk this double whammy, honestly. I'm sure she's lovely, but the sea is large and filled with some pretty wonderful fish.

Heck, you never really see people as they are except at work, where we often spend a good part of our waking hours. I've dated women from work before and it can be sublime. Just be prepared for one of you to leave if it works out and causes problems with other employees.

My bigger concern is your early sobriety. In early sobriety, the emotions are all over the place, as is the ego talk. You will see her relating to other guys - can you handle it? Also, does she drink? If she does I can almost guarantee you will want to drink with her and the whole thing will blow up. Ask me how I know this, lol. If she doesn't, it might work out. But you have to be honest with her about your sobriety.

I'd like to also offer that the coworker I dated had never drank in his life and encouraged me to stay sober. Food for thought.

Thanks, advbike. All things to consider. She does drink, not sure to what extent. As I said, we're in the restaurant biz. At the end of work we can have a "shifty" if we want, a free drink or two. We both finished at the same time the other day, she got a beer and I got a bottle of sparkling water and we sat and chatted. When I had finished my beverage she still had a mostly full glass of beer. She dumped it out and we walked out together. Of course I'd have to be honest about why I don't drink.

There is a series of steps I've been taking to try and achieve a more fulfilling life. I started working out a few years ago to regain some of my health. Went back and finished my college degree last year. The step I'm on now is quitting drinking. Next step is to find more rewarding work, but am planning to wait for a few months of sobriety when my brain will hopefully be firing on a few more cylinders.

It wouldn't be a problem to find a new job in the restaurant biz as I have tons of experience and good references. I'd like to get out of it completely, though. Point is, if I need to leave work to avoid an ugly situation it wouldn't necessarily be a step backward. Might actually put a fire under my butt to get on with things and find something better.

Reading this back it seems like I'm already planning for this to happen. It's really just flirting at work right now. Maybe I'm thinking WAY too much about this.

Well, at least you know she doesn't have a drinking problem. No way would I have left that beer undrunk, first date or not!

The one sentence that leapt out at me was if I don't snatch her up someone else will - not sure thats a great basis for a relationship.

I'm not sure this is about this girl at all SDH - I think it might be more about you right now? By your own admission you're a pretty lonely guy right now. I'd work on that - and not in the way you might think...

Gotta be honest - I would have made a huge mess if I'd acted on my feelings when I got sober. Apart from anything else those feelings changed from day to day for a while.

I'm glad I waited.

I needed to be ok with being with myself before I thought about bringing someone else into the equation.

D

Thanks, Dee. Yes it is about me, right now. I'm working on me and that's huge. I don't want to derail that, and I certainly don't want to muck around with someone else's life.

I guess I was thinking that maybe dating doesn't have to be the big deal that I've made it to be in my mind. That whatever the outcome, this could be part of my re-socializing process. Or maybe it really IS a big deal, not to be taken lightly?

I think it is possible for it not to be a big deal - but not with me, LOL.

I kinda get the feeling you might be the same SDH? :)

D

Dee, the fact that I'm posting about it here pretty much answers that question! lol

yeah :)

I had fun with women when I was working in an office too.
I fell in love with all of them.

There were some sad mad and bad scenes, man...and I had to work with most of them day in day out for years after.

It was a long time ago, but I was still old enough to know better - but I didn't.
I was looking for people to complete me. :dee

You're three weeks into recovery. This is prime you time.

If this is what you hope it is, things will work out down the track...

if someone else snatches this girl up, maybe she was never yours SDH - y'know?

D

I was married for a long time before I started drinking. If I had acted on my feelings in the first month of sobriety, I probably wouldn't still be married. My feelings were all over the place and I was trying to find my way. And, for me, I know I wouldn't have been strong enough to deal with a romantic break-up in early recovery, but you know yourself what's best for you.

From the perspective of dating a co-worker. I say, emphatically, never. I have witnessed two instances of co-workers dating which were both disastrous. One of the couples even ended up being investigated for fraud. As far as I'm concerned business and romance just don't mix. But, I'm also vigilant about not talking about my alcoholism, or other really personal issues, at work.

In my experience, I waited 2.5 years until I dated. The emotions I felt dating that first guy were intense and horrendous. I don't think I would have stayed sober if I were in early recovery.

What stuck out here was dating someone you work with. I know it's been done with success for many, but I haven't had that experience, either.

All the best to you no matter what decision you make!

I was planning on waiting for a year of sobriety before even thinking of possibly dating. But then, I didn't see this girl coming.

It might just be in my head, anyway. Girl shows me a little attention and I get to thinking she must really like me. Regardless, I suppose this topic warrants some discussion.

Thanks to all!

Love doesn't wait until we're ready, and missed chances are terrible things. Nothing in this life is gained without risk.

I did date a woman I worked with once, and it lasted a few years. One of us had to leave the job, though, or it wouldn't have.

In my experience that's the quick way back to a drink.

Seen it plenty of times.

Your looking at her like a "drink on two legs "

A feel good option.

Work on getting yourself emotionally well first (there is a reason you drank for years right)
Then when the loneliness is gone and your still single, that's the time.

I had a bad experience with dating someone at work, alcohol and sobriety doesn't even come into it, simply working together is now a no go area for me, been there and got the T-Shirt!! :)

I agree with Fluffer. (As an aside, who can disagree with a Fluffer?)

But, why don't you try and do some less date like things it's Her outside work first before you go and ask her out? That may help you two to know each other outside of work and not out too much pressure on the situation.

Right now I'm thinking along the lines of just letting whatever happens happen. I'm not going to "get all up in her face" trying to get her to date me.

But if she decided to make a move in that direction...well, I don't think I could easily push her away as I have others.

Dating aside, I think I would enjoy hanging out with her even just as friends.

Thinking with the little head ;)

Good luck!!!