Hi, Serenidad! So glad to hear from you.

I haven't tried AA, although I do know that it works for many. I agree with others that if something doesn't work, it may be time to move onto something else.

I'm not sure if this is true for you, but for me, the most important thing has been to accept a simple fact: I cannot drink. What I do to help internalize that fact and maintain that reality (SR, the support of friends, or even if I choose a recovery program or go back to counseling) doesn't matter so much until I really embrace that fact wholeheartedly.

The hard part is that sounds so simple, when of course it isn't. But I think, in some strange way, it is simple, if scary. Accepting that fact has taken away from me the crutch/life preserver of alcohol that I've used most of my adult life and exposed me to the hard cold realities of life as it is (and the warm balmy breezes of what life can be). When I was drinking, nothing could work. Now, I've got to reach out and grab the support and lifelines out there, and try new things. For example, I've recently realized I really need to go back into therapy. I'm exhausted by the prospect, but not drinking has made me see I have things I still need to work through, things that were hidden (albeit not that well) when I was drinking.

Not sure if that makes sense...I'm tired tonight! :)

Yeah I've read AA has a 97 percent failure rate anyway.

Hi Serenidad. As you know I relapsed after several years sober. I had good quality sobriety by working the steps, but I don't think in my heart I had fully accepted that I could NEVER drink again. Becoming involved with a sober community, finding a spirituality that I didn't know existed, and letting go of my baggage were a huge benefit to me. I had help outside the rooms for some medical and psychiatric problems but the steps gave me so much.

Then I stopped working it. Little resentments grew into big ones. I became dishonest and couldn't see my way. I became wrapped up in myself and my grief at losing my Dad. I isolated and drifted away.

I learned so much during my sober time...and it wasn't just from the steps. AVRT helped me to give up smoking. I found a faith in something greater than me.

That wasn't lost. I am 5 or 6 weeks sober again the second time. And something has shifted in me. It is the realisation that there is just no turning back for me again. Drinking is no longer an option. It brings me nothing but anxiety and unhappiness and life is way too short for that.

You have the skills to stay sober, you already proved that by your previous sober time. Now is the time to figure out what you really want to do with the rest of your life.

If AA isn't working, try something else. But do it. You've got a whole lot of living to do...x

[QUOTE=Serenidad;5165592

I just find that when EVERYTHING revolves around drinking or not drinking or reading AA literature or going to AA meetings etc. it's pretty darn hard to NOT think about drinking. Been there, done that...I think it's time for "me" to move on. If it works for others...that's fantastic!!![/QUOTE]

doesn't matter what method ya use, talk or type about drinking nd what to do to not drink is going to happen.

Pretty crazy how often I hear people blame AA for their own thinking problem.
But greatful to know there is only one step that mentions alcohol. The rest are about changing my thinking and it seems to have worked pretty good for me. Took some T.I.M.E.nto get rid of the mental obsession, but it happened just as promised.

Not only did I have a drinking problem but I also had a listening problem which opening up at meetings about what I was hearing helped me with my listening.

My addiction didn't care for AA either. She no longer has much to say thanks to AVRT. I now go to meetings and hear victory or contact oldsters who I know have faced some very tough situations that can give me advice. I don't go often but it is much more meaningful to me now than it was before.

Hi serenidad,

I too, stayed sober with AA 10 years ago for about 5 years. I initally went bc my family forced me. I was a mess so I did anything because I wanted their trust back. I didnt drink but did not like it. I stayed sober without AA for a while too.

I eventually drank bc I wanted to and didnt care about the consequences. Well, that didnt work out. The consequences suck. My kids are old enough to know I drink now and it ruins y life bc I cant stop at 1-2 drinks.

Right now, I do what Patman suggests..I replay every horrible scenario in my head and I am disgusted. This last drunk was terrible. I showed up at my son's varsity basketball game. Dont remember it, I dont remember talking to other parents, my hausband and other kids were mortified. AND my son had the game of his life, was the hero and was carried out at the end..I was dragged out by my husband before it was over.

That scenario plays in my head and I hate it. Right now, that is enough to make me stop..

I dont know much about AVRT or rational recovery but would like to learn more about it??

I attended my very first AA meeting last night- here at SR in the meeting room online. It was amazing. The topic was about dealing with emotions when sober and it was largely focused on anger.

Although I was nervous, it opened a new door to me. It was amazing. There were lots of people in the room, the rules are not to talk at cross purposes and only one person speaks at a time to share with the group- and you request to share and the host gives each of you a turn. I found it to be very healing and I will definitely attend another meeting (although because I live in England it was in the early hours so I was tired). However, I'm going to find an online AA meeting place for England with a time better suited to me.

You really should give one of the online meetings a go- I felt so good about it (don't really know how else to describe it- it was just so 'good'!!) I really feel positive about it, and the support was incredible.

Hi Serenidad...

I am not in AA & have never tried it. It seems like AA is triggering you a little, but you have been strong even when your cravings hit...so kudos to you!

My sobriety plan is very simple:

1. I am replacing my unhealthy habits with good ones (eating better, exercise, speak kindly to myself, counseling)

2. I choose Giselle. (my daughter) I love my daughter & I need to be present in her life, she can't succeed with 2 alcoholic parents.

Make a very simple plan for yourself to stop drinking. If you get a craving, hit the treadmill (if you have one) or do something totally different. Take on a new hobby. Just do anything but drink. I think we tend to stress ourselves out because we want to be so perfect at what we do. Let go of perfection & just be the amazing you that you are.

Accept your emotions as just that - feelings. Feelings won't kill you, feel them & move on. For example, last night I was a bit uneasy. My husband came home from work & immediately started drinking...by his body language I could tell he was on edge & ready to start a fight. Under normal circumstances, I would've drank myself into a stupor in order to avoid his temper. Last night, I sat in my bedroom & allowed myself to feel the uneasiness. I sat there & processed my emotions - I asked myself why I felt that way, what can I do (in a healthy way) to feel better, & how can I get rid of the uneasiness. After having that mental conversation with myself I chose to get a snack, watch TV in the bedroom, & stay in the room. You know what? Last night I didn't drink, I avoided potential conflict with my husband, & this morning I am at peace with how I processed my evening last night.

You can do this, Serenidad, stop being so hard on yourself. Just be the amazing you even when you don't feel so amazing. (((hugs)))

sound like its not helping. and that's ok!

wasnt for me for similar reasons. i really HAD to work on the present and the future. so my reaction was to use the internet to research. at one time AA was the only game in town. for those that stay sober there it is a god-send. now there are so many ways to approach the addiction problem. you can never really have too many tools, right?

MAN LIKE TOOLS! HA!

Alcohol is everywhere in life, I live close to a pub and pass numerous liquor stores on the way to and from work, I also log into SR everyday and guess what the topic of conversation is about, that's right we can't remove alcohol from life.

Instead for me it's all about the choices we make, I don't have to log into SR or go to AA if it's causing a craving, I don't have to go into a bar or a liquor store, I don't have to hang out with people who drink, the control in Sobriety is very much in our own hands.

But what I did need to create some long term Sober rresults was support, and that needed to come from somewhere, in isolation I would have continued to drink, I needed something outside of myself to kick start things and show me it could be done.

So it's a balance overall, if you need support then get support, if the support isn't working then change the support, but at the end of the day the decision to drink still needs to be made for things to come crashing down.

But a decision to be Sober each day is also on the table!! :)