There's some great advice here scared. Many of us know exactly how you feel - I know I do.

Asking for help is the first step to breaking the cycle.

I'd pour out whatever is left and try and relax as much as you can. Tomorrow is a new day.

Well I know what you are like and I don't think any less of you, or that you are a lesser person. So you have taken the steps to open up to faceless strangers, and look at the support already, just try in person. If you want to change then you will have to take the plunge, just be open, it's not easy at first to open up, but once you do it'll flow.
Sorry you feel ****** right now. A change is gradual, I wish change was easy too but changes take time, you have to change your thinking too xx

If you aren't honest with your doctor or psychologist how do you think they are going to help you. Ultimately they could unknowingly do harm by prescribing certain drug or treatment not knowing you are self medicating. Been there.
Do yourself a favor and swallow your pride, be honest and get help. If your in this much turmoil now, imagine what your looking at if you carry on this way for any amount of time. Your young and have a long bright future ahead if you can just face this head on now. You CAN stop and be 100% ok. Nothing worthwhile is easy in life.

I really really really want to give up trying... this is insane... I am ALWAYS fighting this...its !@#$%^& tiring

Fighting against another part of yourself always is. Get some reinforcements :)

D

Don't give up, don't give up already when you've only just started this journey. There will be obstacles to overcome and getting from A to B won't be smooth saling or whatever they say, some days you're gonna come across mountains and road blocks, but it's not going to stop you reaching your destination,you'll find another route (change yoir thinking) but you will arrive at your destination none the less. I know I'm speaking in metaphors but it's the only way I can describe it.
First of all you need to tell yourself that you CAN do this, you WILL do this because you deserve to be happy and you WILL be happy,
Rome wasn't built in a day!

At some point, we all loved to get drunk. Then, at a later point alcohol stopped working for us. The consequences from drinking became greater than the pleasure we got from drinking. I didn't think I'd stop either but finally the hangovers became too much. I couldn't manage them anymore. Are you ready to stop?

I came to the conclusion that I was either going to suffer by not drinking, or by drinking. Once I experimented with both, I came to the conclusion that suffering by not drinking was easier. It becomes easier. after awhile. Continuing to drink only gets worst, and worst and worst. If you think your drinking is bad today, give it 5 years.

It took a while to come to this conclusion for me, but it is the easier path. Force yourself for a few nights of not drinking and see how it is. You will need support for your rampant emotions, boredom, and the need to eat everything in sight. SR is here for that if you can't find outside support.

I promise you, in my experience it is easier to fight to not drink, than it is to hate myself because I drank.

Give it a shot, it really isn't so bad not being drunk. harder? maybe, but easier when you start your next day, if that makes sense.

This is absolutely brilliant. This is when and why I finally stopped. Word for word.

Same here melinda... we have a battle to fight, I chose the one that had a possible outcome. The continued drinking didn't. It just gets worse and I get older and it becomes harder. Fight now, or fight later. Fighting later sounds easier, but we lose so much by fighting later :(

You CAN DO IT Scared! I see a counselor and I told her last week. I said I quit drinking wine on New Year's Day. She asked why and I told her. Because I have let this habit become an abuse of alcohol. I don't have a drink to wind down,. I drink to get drunk with no turn off. A bit embarrassing yes, but I'm accountable now beyond just me and my family.
I never thought I could stop, but realize I could. I just needed to be stronger than a stupid bottle of wine that gave me nothing good in return.

Scared,
Don't be ashamed of having become an addict. Be ashamed that you want to continue drinking. The shame is easily overcome by triumphing over your weakness and becoming strong. Being intoxicated is a non-reality; it is a state of false senses. We are not prettier, smarter, more sociable, nor a real person when we are drunk. We fabricate masks that shatter in the morning light, leaving a fragile, confused person standing in the true reality. Once you accept the fact that alcohol is a weak facade that demolishes rather than constructs, you gain strength to overcome it. And that strength will build as your alcoholic brain begins to reboot itself once the drug is removed. Find people to support your efforts, especially in the beginning. Pay no heed to those that would divert you commitment. Learn to love yourself again and realize you are so much more alive and a real person without the dulling effects of booze. Visit here often, there are a multitude of people here ready to lend a shoulder to lean upon for support. You can do this with determination to let nothing stand in your way.

Last June, I had reached the point where drinking was torture. Sobriety felt like torture for the first week so I came out even.

Drinking became harder than not drinking.

I finally, finally wanted to be sober more than I wanted to drink. On that last day 51% of me wanted to stop drinking forever and 49% wanted to drink again. That 1% shift was all it took. I had also damaged my liver with inflammation so it really came down to two choices: keep drinking and die or stop and live. It does come to that. I did all that by 32.

Ditto Della!

You are settng yourself up for failure with that attitude. It's like you have already beat yourself. Don't let you AV win. Make your life what you want it to be.

So then stop fighting. If alcohol is causing you this much angst at your age, can you imagine what it might be like for you ten years down the road? Trust us, it won't get better. It will get worse.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to remove drinking as an option.

Hope you do confide in the psychologist. Good luck.

::hugs::
 

scared, you are not alone.
many of us here are or have been exactly where you are.
you did not choose to have this disease but you can choose to take control of it.

wonderful move making an appointment with a therapist - i just started seeing one too, have seen her twice and i was afraid of what she would think of me, afraid she would know what a terrible person i thought i was. but none of that happened. i think you will find that telling a therapist all about these things will be cathartic, and hopefully the beginning of the road to recovery.

you can do this. you are NOT a bad person. no matter what your AV tells you.

YES. THIS.

i couldn't find the words to express the realization i've come to over the last 2 weeks of being sober and thinking a ton about drinking, but that is it, right there.

^^^^^This.

Don't let alcohol take you any deeper, scared.

^^^^ This, too.

Take a leap of faith from a bunch of alcoholics - sadly, we know all too well what we are talking about.