Thanks again, all. I was kind of using last night as an experiment (or I told myself I was, I really just wanted to drink). I said, OK, here I am, sitting around bored and grouchy because I want a drink and can't have one. I know nothing good ever comes out of drinking, but what if I just go ahead and do it...then if I prove myself right I'll stop (yeah, just an excuse to drink). But I was right! Drank all I wanted (well, all I had) and all I got in return was annoying my fiance and a crappy night's sleep. I suppose I'm as "ready" as I'll ever be.

My situation is very much linked to certain events, environments and people. A lot of my close friends consider a normal night of fun drinking till 6am in the morning and taking drugs. And if I hang out with those people, I never seem to just go home at a reasonable hour and hence have these awful hangovers and regret.

I think I have been thinking about quitting alcohol for good in summer 2014. I did one month off, and came back to drinking. I keep on having these events, ie a date, a friends birthday, a holiday, and its just another excuse to keep going. I start work tomorrow. And, I think I will be in a much better place to quit drinking then. When I am working Mon to Fri, I don't drink during the week often, so its just Fri night and Sat night that I need to have the willpower, and I think in effect it becomes a lot easier to stop drinking when you have an established routine. Being careful about two days/two nights of the week will be much easier then being careful about everyday of the week.

So for me, my date of sobriety is today, because from today is Sunday, and tomorrow I start work and my routine starts again. I think then it just comes down to planning weekends in advance so as to avoid drinking.

This coming weekend, I will get my car M.O.T. (annual vehicle inspection) on Saturday morning, saturday afternoon hopefully see a friend.

My new life starts today :)

I kept blacking out and it was every time in the end i threw my hands up and said im alcoholic i cant do this no more ...

Took 3 months of trying

Here i am at near 18 months believe me its possible my friend

I have some experience in this... 10.5 months sober after daily 12-step meetings since mid 2011. Prior to these 10.5 months, I once made it 11 days...2nd place was 4 days, 3rd place was 2 days, etc. It was ugly and hard getting to this point.

I had to "get done getting done" with drinking. It wasn't planned and it wasn't a controlled process, and my drinking progressed, significantly. I became routinely suicidal, and had I followed through on it, nobody that knew my drinking would've been surprised. Still, I had attained and not yet lost the tangible things that most people strive for.

My last drinking days were as follows, and I share it because I think the story is relevant for perspective: on and Friday morning was going to commit suicide or go to a detox (for excessive vodka withdrawal); I opted by a thin margin for the detox but had what I thought to be my last drink (1 pt of vodka) in a coffee shop bathroom. I completed the detox on Sunday; en route to a 12-step meeting, minutes after my discharge from detox, I purchased alcohol and was quite drunk at the 12-step meeting; I was hospitalized that very night for drunkenness, at the prompting of my significant other and told that my case was probably hopeless.

I was defiant to follow my health care providers suggestion to enroll in rehab, but in that instant, I'd had enough. I was done and thoroughly beaten.

I dove head first into 12-step recovering and did anything and everything the people in those meetings suggested of me. However, That unflinching commitment to never drinking again lasted about 1 week until I knew that my next drink was imminent. That drink never came. I talked about my feelings of impending relapse and someone explained "of course you want to drink, you're an alcoholic!". That made sense to me. I didn't drink and that urge was suppressed but was destined to return over and over again, albeit with diminished frequency over time. Unfortunately for my alcholism, I'd proven that i didn't have to drink, even if I wanted to drink. I have never once regretted not drinking.

My point is this: I could today pick up a drink and hindsight and alcoholic logic would say that I hadn't hit a low or a bottom sufficient to motivate and inspire permanent abstinence. Conversely, if I stay sober, then that bottom was sufficient. My theory is that all I've ever needed to quit permanently is a moment wherein I could say "I'm done". Any of those moments could've inspired the actions I've taken these past 10.5 months sober. I fear relaper because I don't know if those moments will reoccur and whether I have another quit in me.

What I learned is that I don't have to drink, even when I want to. I also have an action plan that a follow through on in those moments when I do want to drink.

You can be "done getting done" when you choose. I needed pain and anguish to get to that moment. You might not yet need that same pain and anguish. You might be able to choose your own bottom, and that time could be now or the day of your last drink.

All that said, I don't know many people who've stayed sober and had a pleasant experience with their last drink. You don't have to chase agony and despair to motivate your efforts to get and stay sober.

My life today is really good. Most days, I don't want to drink and don't think about drinking. Those other days, I call them "Don't drink days".

I sure hope that thinking about drinking doesn't mean I'm not ready.

Last night I was washing the dishes and my lady was talking about her brothers wedding coming next summer and for a brief moment the thought of having just one glass of champagne to toast with at the wedding popped into my head.

I recognize that image was partly my still struggling AV trying to plant a seed, partly my sense of 'geeze I'm not good enough if I don't drink at a wedding like everyone else', partly an unconscious and long-standing response and partly just addiction.

A friend in AA tells of suddenly thinking about drinking and having to desperately fight the urge - at 20 years sober.

A friend with 26 years sobriety tells of the insanity of sometimes thinking about a drink....

I hope that we are not all doomed to relapse.

What I think is that it's not the thinking about drinking that we need to be concerned about - its the how we respond to those thoughts.

MrLofg- that was really good stuff, thank you!

For perspective, one of the last times I thought about drinking occurred while I was making the coffee for my AA meeting... To my knowledge, there's nothing wrong with that. I didn't pick up a drink and the feeling passed.

As far as I'm concerned, if I can make it 1 day without 1 drink, I'm a roaring bleeping success! The next day, I repeat.

I think when I pushed my wife around in an argument. In front of my son. I woke up and knew I couldn't do it anymore. I'm not a piece of **** who would ever lay a finger on my wife and even that push out of the way was too much. That poison allowed me to do that. I'm in control of myself. Not some chemical.

A lot of the comments on this thread had me wanting to quote and post. This seems to sum it all up. I began reading posts here 50 days ago, thinking, 'not me, not ready yet, how do they think you can stop just like that' and then, 49 days ago, I decided to do it, ready or not. Anyone who 'advises' you not to quit now because you're not ready doesn't understand the problem or the solution. Like you, I didn't know if I'd make it - still don't, but reading about people's experiences here has given me a set of mantras that, at various times, have helped. But basically, once I quit, and got a few days under my belt, I thought, why would I toss all that time/work down the drain? will I even enjoy this glass of wine enough to make it worthwhile - mantra no. 1 'no-one ever regretted NOT drinking alcohol'. I also read not to think of it as 'forever' (although, you know it is) but as 'just a lot of days'. The longer I go on, the more 'normal' it feels to me to be a non-drinker. I don't really want to be the kind of 'normal' that can moderate any more. That's just me. You'll find your way but stick with this site. Don't give up on giving up.

Px

!st blackout = last time drinking.

Hi, Saudades.


That's exactly how I used to fool myself. I was planning "special "farewell to wine" dinners , hoping I will satisfy my urge for wine and "then tomorrow...".

Never happened.

I was never ready.

If I was waiting for that "ready" moment, I would still be drinking and planning my "last wine supper".

Don't overthink. Don't be afraid. Quit now. One day at a time. You'll get ready along the way.

I used to just love wine. Now don't miss it a bit. Life is so much better, richer, and more colorful without alcohol involved.

Best wishes to you.

I'd been ready long before I quit. The desire to save my new marriage was paramount in my mind when I made the final decision to give it up for good. I realized I was no longer responsible only for myself, but my actions directly affected another human being - one to whom I'd committed for life. It simply wasn't fair to him, and I'm all about fairness. I could no longer justify doing it. He didn't deserve to suffer, and I deserved to have a life.

I lost a job and fiance still wasn't ready....finally I knew physically and mentally I couldn't do it anymore. Was I ready...probably not but I didn't think I had many detoxes left in me. Best thing I have ever done. If I had waited till I was ready I would still be drunk....or worse.

This year will be my first concerted effort.

I do say I did 6 months sober last year, but actually there were stumbling blocks. I drank twice in that and while not to excess, I was still unsure of wether I can drink in moderation or not. The second time was unpleasant as I was really going mad for more, and I ended up just chain smoking and also took sleeping tablets I think. The beast was rearing its ugly head.

This latest/last whiskey episode has really been an eye opener for me. As I was somehow feeling positive and optimistic about the year ahead, i knew what i had to do and that it would be difficult, and also what not to do. But for some reason i thought nothing of having that drink.

A big mistake, I awoke to total chaos and confusion. And never had I seen before in black and white how alcohol was the catalyst. I still have not got back to the mind frame i was in before it, I feel totally scatty now even still, which is a bummer in itself.

I was told before that I can never drink again, now years later for the first time I realize and accept that. I wanted to be normal like everyone else, I may forget that now. The number one rule is to not drink from here on, regardless of wether I'm feeling good or bad. Wether its too late or not, I don't care I am sticking to this plan. It's the only place for me to start. It might not be easy all times but Im gonna give it a go. I can do it.

I want to be happy. Its my own fault for not facing up to emotions in the first place is what I keep telling myself.

I've realized I didn't want to drink like "normal" drinkers....I wanted the buzz. I also think by the time I realized I should stop drinking, I was long past due .

I wanted both.... I always had a case of beer in the fridge plain old light beer. Everyone i work with has a few after work that's how it goes.... Well I started getting 99 cent high alcohol big cans to supplement the lights so I could get a quick buzz and then maintain it with the lights.... Took me a long time to realize that is not like "everyone" I work with..

About the buzz, well I'm not sure actually because the first time I drank in those six months, it was real hot summers eve I hadnty had a drink in a while and I was feeling highly stressed. I had to hide them and then drink them at night, while watching tv. I actually enjoyed them, 4 different craft beers, i wasn't going crazy for more and woke up the next day feeling glad of the respite.

As for the second time I described above, not sure what the deal was I just picked them up on the spur of the moment. But yeah, like up miner described there. When I was drinking downtown every night here I would go straight to the supermarket first, buy a few litres of cider and drink them straight down in the toilets, it was only then that I could face going into the pub or meeting anyone in general.

I would actually avoid everyone until I had completed that mission first. I would be 'back to myself' or so i thought. Not good

I was advised to quit drinking many times but finally met a doctor & group of nurses who pounded into my head that I must quit and now!!