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Glad you made it here Lisa. This forum has really helped me and I'm sure it can do something for you too! |
welcome Lisa, all good advice - one thing tho - as Dee says, log on here first before you make that decision to drink - get a second opinion first - you'll find it slows you down and removes you from the craving... also - I believe that quitting drinking and recovery are 2 separate issues. Focus on quitting and staying quit before you get bogged down filling your mind with all the recovery talk. You can can do both - but avoiding the drink is of utmost importance. This is just my opinion of course. |
Welcome it helped me a lot with anxiety to switch to the 1/2 caffeine version. As for AA I am sure they will be happy you made it back..some don't |
Thank you, Hevyn, soberwolf, Peter_819, LBrain, and Della1968. I attended two AA meetings tonight. Everyone there was supportive of my coming back after a relapse. Thank you to all SR members who took time out of their day to encourage my second attempt at sobriety. I look forward to being in a position where I can pass on your kindness. LBrain, thank you for sharing your comment about how sobriety and recovery are two different concepts. I think that keeping this in mind can help me avoid over-thinking myself into anxiety. |
Originally Posted by waveridermke
(Post 5112089)
Thank you for your suggestions. Steve, I would like to share my story of that day - as it continues to confuse and trouble me. I remember feeling terrible when I woke up on Day 10 of my sobriety. I had taken to drinking several cups of coffee daily since I had decided to stop drinking, but had not really thought about the toll that much caffeine would have on my system. Drinking coffee had become a sort of "safe alternative" to drinking alcohol. So on Day 10, after waking up and feeling hungover, dehydrated, and anxious (a familiar theme of my former drinking schedule) and without being able to identify a satisfactory way to improve how I felt, I choose to address my difficulties the same way I had learned before - pick up some alcohol and drink until I feel better. I remember feeling numbly aware that this was a terrible decision, that I had already identified countless reasons why I should stop drinking completely. But the foundation of my previous conviction to stop drinking had dissolved into this hazy idea which could hardly influence my present decision to get drunk. I remember feeling detached from my environment as I walked to the corner store. I kept thinking "I can turn away right now" even as I handed my cash to the clerk. My mind seemed to have short-circuited. I continued drinking for two days after that. So, long story short, I drank too much coffee, woke up dehydrated and miserable, eventually figured that the best way to feel better would be to drink, acted out on this terribly insane notion, then realized just how much I had jeopardized in making this decision. It's hard to believe that could have made such a terrible choice. I am really glad you shared it because it helps me relate back to all the displays of subtle insanity I've displayed each time I fell off the wagon. Hell, I once thought that, if I'm in a spiritual program, all I have to do is just get really spiritual about my drinking - whatever the heck that means - and I'll be fine! Anyway, you're helping others by sharing your story. And I thank you for that. H |
Boy your story brought me back to so many times I auto-piloted to the liquor store even as I said out loud 'what am I DOING?!?' Wanting to turn back.... But continuing on until that vodka was sliding down my throat. When I look at that from a year of sobriety it's terrifying. Your name suggests you're a surfer. Remember all the beat downs you took while learning to ride waves? Getting sober can be like learning to surf. You have to retrain your body and mind and reflexes to a new environment. You will get taken out and washed through the rinse cycle and bounced off the bottom and beaten senseless. But something deep inside you tells you it'll all be worth it. As we get better at surfing we experience higher and higher levels of bliss in waveriding. We still get beaten down but we know how to relax into the beatings. We learn how to time our paddle outs and how to pick the right set waves and when we wipe out we know how to ride it out with minimal wasted energy, how to conserve out breath. It's like that with sobriety. We never stop training and life will hand us our share of beatings - we are human. But we learn to accept, to let go, to trust in Spirit as we do in king Neptune or the spirit of the sea to deliver us safely back to shore. You don't have to fight with this madness anymore. You can let go, relax, turn it over and join us riding the joyful waves of sobriety. We've got your back and we get it. |
Thank you for sharing your experiences, hman1027 and FreeOwl. This is the first time I've learned details about other alcoholics' experiences with auto-piloting. It's a pretty scary thing to recognize about my past behavior. It's comforting to know that you both have found ways to override these urges - as they are the scariest part of my addiction. I truly appreciate your stories! |
I'm completely free of those terrifying urges now. You can be too! |
Hi Lisa. |
I relate to the coffee. I have tried to cut down now because I get so ramped up, that I wanted to use alcohol to come down. What a darn rollercoaster. I am really new again to sobriety so I don't have any great advice, but I did learn that too much coffee was a trigger. |
Originally Posted by beach20
(Post 5114530)
I relate to the coffee. I have tried to cut down now because I get so ramped up, that I wanted to use alcohol to come down. What a darn rollercoaster. I am really new again to sobriety so I don't have any great advice, but I did learn that too much coffee was a trigger. |
Thanks for your responses FreeOwl, mavrick, beach20, and upminer! FreeOwl: I feel the same way about ridding my life of those urges. I know it's not going to be a walk in the park, but I can't imagine the challenges of a sober life as even beginning to compare to the torture and slow-suicide of drinking. mavrick: Hi, mavrick! I hope you are having a day of great healing. beach20: My system definitely seemed overloaded with the effects of caffeine before I relapsed. Now I know to take it real easy so I don't set myself up again. Losing my sobriety to one too many cups of java does NOT seem like a fair trade to me. upminer: Hahaha, I agree. Changing behaviors seems to be the way to go. Thanks again for all your wonderful replies! |
Hi Lisa, As the Queen of Relapsing, let me say WELCOME and I totally get how you're feeling. But the people at AA will probably not judge you... they shouldn't. Nobody here will judge you, that's for sure! Get back on that horse. You had 10 days effort in... you can do this. Hugs! Laura |
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