Hello from the Dark Side of the Moon
 

Hello,

I'm back. When I first joined up here years ago I went 30 straight days sober. My co-workers noticed a change, my Mother and Wife also noticed it. Not only did I lose weight, my brain 'woke-up'.

That was 4 years ago. 3 1/2 years ago I was let go from my career for cheaper solution to my position. I started drinking on weekends again and at first didn't think much of it. Then as the years started slowly passing by I lost my real estate investments, drained 401k, savings and am now living in a foreclosure home that any day can be the day we have to leave. I filed bankruptcy and haven't received unemployment for years and have no credit to apply for housing. The church gathers food for us, we live on food stamps and basically spend the day applying for jobs online; all while my mother sends money each month to pay to keep the lights on.

My wife started drinking wine every night, and I started to join her. Now I am 60 pounds overweight and have high blood pressure.:gaah

I need help. I am alone all day when my son is in school and my wife substitute teaches for money. Unfortunately we are spending it on Alcohol.

We also have an Autistic son, which tires us out every day. We have turned into a team of taking care of his needs all day which most of the time just plain wares us out. We drink to escape the horror story which has become our life.

This is not the way I want to be anymore; so I told my wife that we need to support each other and not consume anymore starting today. No matter how much we want to escape, we have to help each other out.

So, here I am again because I know the love and support one needs is here.

Looking forward to healing with you.

My best, always

Eric

Eric,

I am really sorry for the Hardships you are going through. Please try to stop drinking and bring yourself back into "Focus". I am really early in my sobriety but feel like I can deal with life much better with a clear brain and just waiting on this fog to lift.

-Mo

Thanks Mo, I really don't know if I can go on like this anymore. I have thought of suicide but couldn't do such a cowardly act...but I can empathize with those who feel this bad

Hi Eric Wilson sorry you have a lot on your plate to deal with

im glad your here Alcohol wont solve your problems

read this and print it off http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

Welcome back, Ericwilson. I am very sorry to hear of the challenges you face daily.

Congratulations on your decision to stop drinking.

SR is here for you 24/7/365.

Thanks for inspiring me...

Hi Eric,

I was in a very similar situation as you in 2013. I filed bankruptcy & almost lost our house. I was able to save my house because my lender finally approved a home loan modification for me right before I was at the point of foreclosure. Truth be told....mine & my husband's drinking caused our financial problems. We were literally drinking our money away, since I have stopped I see the error in our ways.

You can get through this but you need to do it sober. Keep coming back, we are here for you...

Thanks for sharing your story Fredrick. I just get so lonely. I am literally depressed so much that I don't even get out of bed or the chair the entire day. Then when the family comes home from school, I don't play. What's wrong with me?

You are not alone!

My wife and I also drank ourselves into bankruptcy. We quit drinking, did ninety AA meetings in ninety days together, and turned our finances around. I really think the meetings were crucial to giving our sobriety a solid foundation. Give AA a call now! Here is what they promise:

1. If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through.

2. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.

3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

4. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.

5. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.

6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

7. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.

8. Self-seeking will slip away.

9. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.

10. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.

11. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.

12. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.

Alcohol deepens depression. For many, alcohol causes depression.

You won't be able to effectively deal with any of your other issues until you stop drinking; you mind, feelings, and perceptions will change and you'll be able to move through the steps of restoring your life and your family.

If you have access to medical insurance/care, it is a good idea to get sober with an involved doctor, especially if there is the undertone of depression - a doctor can give you medication to make detox easier, and then can help you figure out if your depression was fully connected to drinking or if there are additional things you can do to address it.

If you can't see a doctor, come up with your own plan. I believe in actually posting your plan - in scheduling your days for the first couple of weeks, in going to AA meetings, and doing a couple of things each day to improve your situation. It could be something as simple as cleaning a spot in your house (a shelf, a table), taking a walk, taking a shower and putting on clean clothes, cooking real food.

Through it all, just don't drink. This will change you and will change your situation.

Good luck. There are many forms of suicide and drinking ourselves to death in miserable circumstances is just a slow, crappy form. You deserve more - happiness, pride, meaning, friends, love! You are the only one who can transform you! Why not give it your best shot - no where to go but up, right?

heartcore, that was a fabulous post. Not enough words...

Wow, thanks for all the support (in real time!). I just took my son to the park to play with some of his toys he got from Christmas. His eyes just lit up when I asked him to play. I think we could have just out back and thrown rocks and he would have been just as happy. One step at a time. I truly love my son, I must find a way out of this pit I'm stuck in. I'm so riddled with anxiety my body is always tense. Playing just now felt good

I think you could definitely benefit from face to face support. Have you checked out AA? At least it would get you out of bed and you would meet others who have been there (or worst) and have pulled out and achieve long term sobriety.
As far as depression goes, you are going through a rough time and are detoxing so it is to be expected. If after a few months sober you still feel that way, you might want to see a doctor and get evaluated for depression.

You just found your way out. Play with your son.

I'm glad you're determined to make the changes in your life you need to make. You can change things by stopping drinking now, today. Don't buy more alcohol or keep any in the house. Get outside and walk every day. You'll be surprised at the benefits that you get from doing that. You will begin to feel better physically, emotionally and spiritually. Enjoy your son and continue to job search. Things will change if you stay focused on recovery.

I understand not wanting to live. I'm in a frightening place myself, but I'm going to try to do something positive today. Hope you will find the strength to do one more positive thing today and make it two. Autism is sooooooo hard. Baby steps.The journey of a thousand miles begins with one small step.You did it today, not just for you,but for your son. Now just one more.

Only those with Autistic children can understand the pain. I was told I have to mourn the loss of the child we thought we would have; and then hold dear the gift we have been given. We just have to stop killing ourselves by drinking every night. We must find another way.

For the Fathers out there with Autistic children you must also mourn the loss of the relationship you once had with your partner (wife). Don't give up and make it harder for her; support her and find attention from something (not someone) else. Be strong.

Hi Eric - lots of good advice here -welcome back.

I'm not autistic but I am disabled - I'm sure my parents faced many of the same issues you do. They're far from perfect but they were always there for me as a kid.

It's that kind of stuff you remember.
I think you and your wife are making a great choice :)

D

Welcome to you too KatherineG :)

D

Welcome home, Eric :wave: