First day...
 

I have come to the realization that I need to end this addiction. I am 30 & have been drinking since I was 13. I've had months of being sober & something happened & I started back up. I spent Christmas hung over on my couch. I had recently gotten into red wine, drinking 12+ beers wasn't doing it for me anymore. My family was on a vacation & I was alone; first Christmas alone. I had off Christmas Eve & thought why not get some wine, turned out to be 2 bottles of cheap chianti. I was supposed to go to work on Christmas but due to waking up from a black out & still drunk that did not happen. I am on egg shells with my job & my absences, I would be surprised if I still have a job come Monday.
I am still hungover from the wine 2 days ago. I had just gotten my life back together 2 years ago with a job & new apartment after my last apartment burnt down & I was on unemployment for almost 2 years & couldn't find a job at all, due to bring arrested for engaging in fighting with an ex during a vodka binge.
As you can tell from my short story alcohol has been a challenge to defeat. I don't really have anyone I can talk to about any of this & came across this site today & hope it will help me & really hope I still have my job come Monday. I would hate to start the new year off with no job, but at least start it off sober. The older i get, the worse the hangovers are, the worse it affects my well being & all I have worked for. I feel very shameful & hard on myself because I knew I am close to losing my job & hope to the gods I still have one. I am just completely depressed this holiday season & feel more alone I think than I ever have. I don't like the person looking back at me in the mirror when I wake up like this, or this pit of anxiety in my stomach about possibly losing my job now. Thanks for listening.

Welcome to the site. You are in good company here and many have been in the same boat as you.

Glad you're here!

I want you to know that I've been where you are. I've lost many things to my drinking including a career and a marriage. I finally got to a point where I was unwilling to lose anything else to my addiction. It hasn't been easy, but waking up in the morning with no regrets is so worth it!

Today was my first post too ! Way to go for reaching out. I was actually surprised by the outpour of others. I can already tell it's a great place to start. You WONT be alone. I can't help you with drinking specifically, as my addiction is with pills. I too am almost 30, and can understand how you feel. Know that your not alone, that what your facing can be beaten. One of the other members on here told me that this way of life is NOT sustainable for the long term. We will eventually have to face either death or sobriety. We can do it now or later, but later always gets harder. Don't give up what you have for some stupid liquid in a bottle that will only provide temporary pleasure and much more grief later. You can do this! And welcome.

welcome! Stop it dead in its tracks. No more alcohol. Its taken enough from you! Check out some meetings in your area. Since you blacked out I would see a doctor. Stick around here. lots of advise and support

Desire and Willingness are the keys!
Welcome, Glad you're here!

Welcome to the Forum RavenSparkles!! :wave:

You'll find loads of support here on SR, great to have you onboard!! :)

Welcome, RavenSparkles, to SR. This is a great site for understanding, support and encouragement.

Have a look around the site. There is an abundance of information on alcoholism and addiction.

Thank you for the responses & everyone's encouragement. My problem with drinking is not knowing when to stop, and I would stop if it became daylight after a night of drinking or if I just passed out. Very few occurrences I could have a few & that's it. I would binge drink once a week, or every other week. I always knew before hand I may possibly be undeniably hungover. The feeling of this 2 day red wine hangover is enough to make me never want to drink again.
I am feeling a bit better today as I went to my other part time job this morning, but still feeling groggy & crappy & hardly any sleep last night due to worries. I work In healthcare & see what drinking can do to somebody, I don't want to be that person, nor the single chick at the bar on Christmas Eve ever again because she doesn't want to feel alone. I am not destined for failure, nor is anybody, the universe is testing me right now & I don't want to lose what I've worked so hard for. I think after a good nights sleep tonight & feeling 110% physically better tomorrow I will start to brighten up & hope that I will still have my job come Monday & be happy for the sober future I choose to make it. Thanks for listening & welcoming me <3

I hope you are okay. Im struggling as well. I cant give you advice since im in a deep hole as well. But i can tell you this: it is hard and painful to recover, but i havent had a day of sobriety that hurts more than the morning after a blackout episode.

It's just nice to know you are where I am at right now. I hope you are okay too. Tired of being happy & healthy for a week then binge drinking 10 + hours & suffering the physical & financial, mental & spiritual consequences the next day & having pits in my stomach due to worries on my longevity, anxiety sucks right along the same page as hangovers & facing the reality of consequences. Hopefully the only consequence I've faced this time is this hangover.

Welcome to Sober Recovery Ravensparkles

Well regardless of the consequences i think our best way is up and out of this mess. Even if we screwed up badly isn't it better to face what we did wrong and move on? Whatever we did in our last binge is done. I felt like giving up when i woke up yesterday. My first thought was: really? Again?

But 24 hours after I feel this: if I give up then what? Many more regrets in the future for sure. I cant give up. And i hope you dont either

You wanting to stop your addiction is a smart and healthy move. We have all been in your shoes and been on that couch feeling like a$$. Know that you never have to go through that again!

Welcome to SR Ravensparkles ! You story and situation is all to familiar. You have found a great supporting network here. I found this place 56 days ago - in a 2 bottle red wine binged-up hangover from hell. A few days later walked into an AA meeting, which after the inital shock, I have become to view them, and SR, as my daily sober life-lines. Welcome !!!!! MJM

Thank you, I appreciate that, I took a long epson salt bath & meditated for a bit, seems to have helped me center myself & look at my situation more clearly. I can only think positive & live positive thru this, vs bringing myself down. It is easier & feels better to be kind to myself than to come down on myself. I do have to say this is the first time in a few days before my binger I felt genuinely at ease. I'll be even more at ease next week knowing I still have my job, but we shall see, one can only hope for the best. Maybe next Christmas I'll buy myself a new couch instead of being reminded how I spent this one hungover beyond uncomfortable on it. All you people are such kind souls. <3

That's one thing I loved on my non drinking days was waking up the next day refreshed & full of life, I work very long days 6 days a week & would rather be tired waking up vs hungover on my death bed feeling waking up! I am glad you are well onto your journey of recovery, that is a beautiful thing.

You are exactly right & thank you, I may not be of much help for you other than to keep you inspired but it is nice knowing we are not alone. & thank you again <3

Welcome to SR Raven :)

I am glad you are well Into your recovery, congrats, that is a beautiful thing, I look forward to my journey & knowing I am not alone, even more so knowing I will never experience this 2 day red wine hangover ever again! I am starting to come back to life after 42 hours. Never again! I look back now & see all my absences from work which are plenty have all been from hangovers. Otherwise I went to work with a cold, in the snow, etc. Fingers crossed I don't lose the job I truly love.