Im having a really hard time in AA
 

I like AA. I see that it works. I wanted it to work for me. I have been literally sitting on step one now for 85 days because I was told to get a sponsor before moving on. I did. She avoids me like the plague. I have now asked 8 other women from different meetings and all have said no, then avoid me like the plague. I feel lonely in sobriety. I feel like there is something so wrong with me no one wants to deal with it. I'm tired of step one. I know I'm a damn alcoholic and that is why this is scaring me. I'm dealing with stuff I have blocked out for 25 years and I need the remaining steps to figure this out and start living. Can I do these steps alone? I am seriously about to use this big book as a beer coaster. This isn't worth it anymore. It's aggravating, frustrating and now I'm sad.

Jennifer

I have never used AA, countrygirl, but I find it incredulous that you have been turned down so many times; that must be so discouraging.

I can say, though, thatnsobriety's worth it and all the effort that you have been putting into it.

I am sure some AA folks will be by soon with good experience to share.

Hang tight, countrygirl.

I'm sorry you're struggling Jennifer.

You can do this. It is totally worth it and so are you!!

Thank you. I find it difficult to believe myself. That's why I'm starting to think there is something wrong with me

Jennifer

Okay...this is just odd to me.
Really?

I have been in and out of AA doors... for a variety of reasons..

But this is kind of shocking.

Can you elaborate? What do you mean they avoid you like the plague?

If I talk to any of them, they direct me to my sponsor. My sponsor, as I have been complaining about for months now, will not answer calls, call back or meet up. She specifically told me she does not want to talk about AA all the time, she is tired of it. She has even suggested I skip meetings and have lunch with her but not talk about AA or recovery or anything. I think I made the biggest mistake by asking this woman. The rumor is, she is in the meetings for social reasons only and never had a problem. That is the rumor. Maybe they are waiting for me to grow a set and let her go? But she hasn't been at the meetings and doesn't return calls or messages. I still call her everyday. And leave a vague message.

Jennifer

Don't let your inner voice knock you down.

Before the meeting starts ask the person who is leading it to make an announcement asking who has more than a year of sobriety and is willing to be a sponsor. Then fingers crossed you will have several to choose from.
My first meeting they did exactly that, I presumed it was a part of the AA traditions.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. I just read through your thread...
I can't believe that. Can you ask one of them to be a temp sponsor? Or, if rumor has it that she is there for social reasons, wouldn't everyone know that?

How about going to a different set of meetings?

You can do it alone. It is a little harder, to be honest and the nice part about a sponsor is running things by then because they will point out where you might be thinking astray. I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Jeez... Someone in my womens meeting last night said that she was on step 1 and can't move forward because her sponsor had surgery, 5 people blurted out "get a temp sponsor" without missing a beat.

I would tell that woman that you are grateful for her help but that you need to move on.

Once you do that then ask another woman. Let them know you do not have a sponsor. Try not to cut down the old sponsor, if they ask just say it did not work out.

Keep trying, don't give up!

Step one isn't about knowing we are alcoholic.
There's no requirement to have a sponsor to guide ya through the steps, but it's good to have an understanding of each step.

Sorry your experiencing this CG you could always try others meetings

And i would drop that person asap and get a temp sponser get a few from diffrent mtns see if that helps

Good luck

Okay...something pretty funky about that. The whole purpose of AA is that is ..well..has a "purpose".

This woman's purpose in AA seems to be at odds with its.... purpose.

Some great advice here bout how to get a new sponsor. Leave her to make make the coffee, smile and say "howdy".

She is not a sponsor, not really. A sponsor in name only perhaps. I'm frankly amazed that you have been turned down so many times. I think it's time to move on, both from this sponsor and on to step 2. I think some will disagree, but I would start on step 2 now, sponsor or not. It might be just the step to take for one to appear.

Try not to let this discourage you. It sounds as though you definitely need a new sponsor.

Do you have any women's only meetings in your area? If so, that would be a good place to start. Also, you might want to try several different meetings. Did you ask 8 women from the same group or 8 women from various groups?

You can ask the chairperson to ask who in the group is willing to sponsor -- even as a temporary sponsor.

Also, if possible, it might be helpful to go back to one of the 8 women who turned you down and ask her, very politely, something along these lines: "I'm having a lot of trouble finding a sponsor and I wanted to ask you if there is any particular reason you declined to sponsor me. If it's because of your own schedule or you don't feel we'd make a good fit, I totally understand. I don't mean to put you on the spot, but I have been turned down by everyone I've asked I'm just trying to make sure I'm not doing or saying something that's leading people to say 'no.'"

Yes!!!! I agree 100% with Awuh.
Use your big book also SR has a 12 step forum with a step study subforum
Step Study - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

I prayed.

My problem with AA is exactly that. My problem. This is my old way of thinking coming through.

A bigger, real problem just appeared on my doorstep and looking back at what I wrote...if I would just learn to give things time instead of on JENS time, you wouldn't read posts like this from me.
A friend of mine needs help. That is what I'm supposed to do today. Get out of my head and help someone else.

Jennifer

Always a good thing to do.
Do you have a BB?

I learned a hell of a lot when I finally sat down and DID step one.

I was fortunate to have a sponsor, but for step 1 all he really DID was give me a workbook and tell me to come let him know when I'd completed it and we'd go through it.

Here is a link to some online Step 1 worksheets. There are many out there. I suggest you just roll up your sleeves and DO STEP ONE.

Step one is about taking an honest look at our lives now, in the past, our behaviors and experiences with alcohol and addiction, and coming to really, truly understand we are powerless and living an unmanageable life.

It's one thing to say it at a meeting.... it's very much another to take the time and the action to honestly look at our lives, write the stuff down and start talking about our own specific story - to ourselves and another.

Because you're having a tough time right now with your sponsor and it sounds like, others in your group -why not set all of that aside. Step One can be done by just DOING IT.

Take a look at the below link, google "Step One Workbook" and seek out others. Take the time to print them out and start writing. Then, in a couple of weeks go to AA and say "I have been working hard on Step One. I have really learned some things and I would like someone with at least a year of sobriety who has done the steps to share with and to help me prepare for Step 2."


I bet you'd find progress.....


I'm sorry that you're frustrated and struggling - here is one way you might proceed without feeling a victim or feeling helpless to move forward.

various step 1 worksheets and questions for recovery 12 step work

Move on from her and from that home group... something way wrong there. I did my first three steps without a sponsor all in one day. All it took was being brutally honest with myself and willingness. You don't need a sponsor for that.. they can't do it for you and it sounds like you already have what's required so just trust yourself and move on in the Steps. I got a sponsor by Step 4 and, though I could have just followed the Big Book doing it, a sponsor's guidance on how to do it (for me and not all) made it easier. And besides, that's who I was going to ask to hear my 5th anyway. In the meantime, keep coming back and sharing. I know you know the importance of that. :)

Thank you guys. I'm not giving up. And I can't do this alone. I'm going to take the reigns for a little bit and continue on my quest for a sponsor. This is what happens when you live in small town country USA.

Jennifer