sobriety vs reality ...
 

ok ... so almost 4 months sober and what have I learned?

Ummmm ... life is better without hangovers ...
Life is manageable ...
Life is boring ....
Life is "not communicating"....
Life is "harder to talk about when you don't have a lil'lubrication'"
Life is still "****"
Life just is ... can I deal with it??? THAT, my friends, is the question ...

I just don't care anymore

Seems about right to me

True talk. I appreciate the boring moments more now. My brain enjoys doing nothing every once in awhile. Congrats on nearly 4 months!

May you all find peace and happiness wherever you rest your weary heads .... love to you all ...

Hokey, your post on 12-07-2014 was so upbeat.

What happened; do you want to talk?

Soberleigh ... I have been beat down .... I don't even have enough ground to grasp ...

Oh honey; I am so sorry.

Is it life in general or something or someone specific?

It's my son ... it's so hard .... I love him so much. And I think he hates me ...

and I can't blame him .... after all I put him thru

my sober heart is aching right now

Our relationships with our children can be so complicated. Our children can be our greatest sources of joy, and the source of our greatest concern and sometimes even pain. How old is your son; does he still live with you?

and it makes me think "whats the f6543ng point???

he is 20 and in and out of my house ... per work demands

Hi Hokey

I know it's rough rebuilding relationships - sometimes other peoples timetables for things like forgiveness run at different times to ours.

Hevyn has a sig that says we are so much more than the worst thing we did.

I really do believe tho that truth always out - you're clearly a wonderfully warm and caring person and you clearly love your son - whatever issues he's working through from past behaviour, the real you will shine through, eventually.

Sometimes, it takes a little time. 2O year olds are closer to children than they are adults, I think - they're still working out the grown up thing.

The point? this is the real you, living an authentic life. Even with the bad days, it's better than drinking - drinking would only make stuff like this a million times worse.

D

Hokey, don't ever give up hope that your relationship with your son can improve. Does he still live with you?

I make it all about me ... always ... I just realized now that I was making it all about me ... thank you Soberleigh ... I needed that! :)

thank you Dee <3

thank you Leigh ...

:grouphug:

As Dee just said, 20 year olds are still figuring out what life is all about. They look like adults but there is still an abundance of emotional and psychological maturation yet to be achieved.

Every contact you have with your son is a new opportunity; improvement in your relationship with your son may happen slowly but it absolutely CAN happen.

Hugs to you, hokey. I sure wish motherhood and children came with manuals.

Me too Leigh ... it's so frickin hard

Yes, it is.

I hate my life ... I hate what I have made myself ...

I hate ME

I HATE me ...

I hate me

Four months is still very early in sobriety; I believe that you will view your life differently as your sober time builds. Even if you don't, sobriety will make you better equipped to make positive changes.

Put the hate behind you, hokey. It has no place in your future. It belongs squarely in your past.

Alcoholism has impacted all of us very negatively. I can't tell you the extent of my self-loathing when I was in active addiction. That has turned around dramatically.