Hey A Small Update
 

Thanks for all the advice and prayers. Things have been quite hard since Debbie passed. It's all so crazy. While I was in Alaska I ran low on hormones I called utah for a refill. They would transfer the script up, but that would be a permanent switch. I couldn't just get the refill I was due. I thought I've been taking these for 9 years. I probably dont even need them. So I went off them. Then I tried to make an appointment with a doctor here. They are scheduled 3 months out. Really. What?? My lack of 'mone symptoms were becoming quite severe. I was soaked with sweat day and night. My last resort was an on-line doctor. They don't take insurance and it is $35.00. Set up on line, pay by credit, select if you want a doctor to call you, text you or Skype you within 30 mins. A doctor called and gave me a 30 day supply of 'mones. Add a large layer of grief. I am doing better with this. Since I have been back on the pills for three days, and had three nights of sleep without drowning in sweat, I feel good. My heart aches but I can function. I have been drinking (not this instant). Two or three a night. I'm trying to sort all this out. I need to think. Everything has changed and the holidays are tough. Im just trying to take it easy. I feel a little lost but I think it is getting better. Love ya' bunches. Pam

Thanks for the update. I think getting the hormones more balanced will help a lot.

We miss you.

Love from Lenina

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Glad to hear you have gotten some relief from your hormonal issues, and it does sound as if you are starting to turn the corner if even a small bit with your grief...you sound better.

The drinking's absolutely got to go though. I used to drink "2 or 3" a night too so I know where that leads....don't sabotage yourself Raider.

Hi Pam, I'm glad you got the hormones under control. That has to be a huge lift. And I know that it seems like you need to get this part of your life in order to stop drinking, but it would be easier to deal with if you're not.

You're in my thoughts.

Hope you are feeling better now and your grieving has begun to subside. I hope that you can focus on your drinking soon

I know. I know. Everything seems too much. I have no excuse. I don't care to know why right now? I know where this path leads. Yes I worry about it. I just do not want to deal with it right now.

It's so good to hear from you! I was terribly worried. To hear you're making your way back is making me so happy. You heal. We're always here when you need us.

You've been in my thoughts. Thank you for the update.

I'm glad to hear from you too Pam.

I hope things get a little easier day by day soon.

Yes,raider, grieving through the firsts is not easy. Yer thinkin is that alcohol is helping you deal with it but in reality it isn't. When the alcohol stops, there you are again.
And thinking just drinking through the holiday to deal with it....then THIS holiday will be past,mother it will be NYE. Then the next thing not to deal with. And on and on and on.

Grieving isn't easy. My mother lived with me and I was her caregiver for 12 years until she passed away sept of 2013. It was my duty and a blessing to be able to take care of her that time and it wasn't easy to grieve.
But alcohol surely wasnt Gona help.

I hope and pray you decide you want to deal with starting now. It's not gonna get easier and the drinking could get worse as the alcohol stops working,which it isn't anyways now.

If you came here to tell us, then I think there is at least part of you wants to deal with it....maybe not even consciously? The longer you wait it will get harder and harder to deal with.

You sound a bit more hopeful Pam. Thanks for letting us know what's up.

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Thanks for the update Pam, was worried sick about you. But sometimes I run out of words, and prefer to let the person think by themselves.

You made my day,

Pam, I'm glad to see you back and that you sound better.

It's good to hear from you Raider.

Those hormones can wreak havoc on our bodies and emotions; glad to hear that the medication is helping, Raider.

Peace and comfort to you.

Glad your bk pam

I hope you give sobriety a true chance i think youd be a lot lot happier sober

Hi Pam. Just so you know, I always read your posts. I really am sorry about Debbie. Now that you have your mones back and are sleeping you have one less thing to worry, so now is the time to quit again. You know very well it will only make you feel worse. Grab your bearings, you can do it. You have done it before. Everybody here is rooting for you.