authenticity
 

You know, through all my post, I've been crazy unmediated and out there. I've been sad depressed and lost, I've been wanting advice, giving advice, up and down. I have in essence captured my whole recovery experience and for that I am grateful. Good bad or indifferent, I was and will always remain me. I post my reality in a snap shot of where I am.

My wife has strep throat, she is very sick. I am disinfecting the entire house, haha running around with alcohol and disinfectant hit everything, but fully know that the incubation period is such if I am going to be infected I am going to be infected.

Tomorrow is three full weeks, 3 @#$# full weeks, don't care expletives are part of my normal vernacular. 3 full weeks, Its a real good start. I've realized that inpatient is BS. CPS was supposed to turn over my voucher for inpatient and I should be in there, but it isn't about beds its political on some level.

I am over that all, I am sober three weeks in not so many hours. I am regaining life, and dreaming of better things. I won't allow the world to define me, I am not schizophrenic, alcoholic, gambling loser.

I am, however; a capable intelligent human being, that can sober achieve my goals. I cannot, and will not allow any to derail what I have done or could do, those day are over, I' have now chosen to be and rejoice in that.

I will be sober, I will succeed, I will persevere, and mostly I will just be me and do the best I can do....

Go, tdg, go!

I'm sorry to see you back away for inpatient TDG. It's not BS.

Don't confuse the bureaucracy for the very real help you could get.

I am glad you've been sober and taking your meds for 3 weeks tho :)

D

Three weeks is fantastic! Whatever you're doing is working - keep it up!

Jeremy are you sure you are on the level here? You are fully medicated and you find inpatient is BS? Your wife is back home, ill and -- I'm assuming -- neither of you has outside support? Is this wise?

I've been brooding on this thread all day.

jeremy this is the kind of thinking that leads you directly back into that pattern where you start to believe you can do this by sheer force of will, you hit a bump in the road, you 'awfulise' and say whats the use, and you drink and go off your meds again.

Yes you are more than the label...but to ignore the problem behind the label, or pretend it doesn't exist, or that you've overcome it in 3 weeks?

That's not rational thought my friend.

I know how badly you want to believe that you can do this by force of will with minimal disruption to your life.

We've all been there.

I've been there.
My stubborness nearly killed me Jeremy.

Give it some more thought - go back and read some of your past threads and what you resolved to do.

think of help not as a weakness, a punishment or an emasculation, but a way to move forward and get to somewhere you've not be able to get on your own.

D

Listen to Dee, Jeremy. He's a wise man.

In-patient is not BS.

You are not a loser; however, from what I've read and your own admission, you are an alcoholic who struggles with a medical diagnosis of schizophrenia (unsure of the gambling part).

I hear/read mania in your post which is troubling. The high and denial before the crash. I hope I'm wrong.

I wouldn't shut the door on any and all options for permanent recovery including in-patient and close contact with medical professionals.

Congratulations on your three weeks but please be mindful of your moods, patterns, and medication/therapeutic needs. Also, I really think remaining open to the possibility of an in-patient setting would strengthen your chances for a long lasting recovery.

I completely agree with Dee. It is fantastic that you are sober 3 weeks but you need to continue to work on that sobriety and make sure you don't fall back to your old pattern. What is the problem with inpatient? Is it that you can't get in or you don't want to go? I begged for inpatient but my insurance company wouldn't pay for it. If you have the option, I say go for it.

TDG,
you're over all that?
wow.

you'd be the first in history to be over all that so fast.

Jeremy, i've read a lot of your posts, and i myself know moments of feeling invincible, flying high on confidence, but i've read your dark posts, too, and know from myself that real confidence came with acting, and wasn't in the feeling of it.

i hope you reconsider. building a sober life...when i say that, for me it really means 'building'. a process. putting bricks in place. cementing them together. takes time and work.

i hope you reconsider your inpatient-is-bs stance. chances are it would add a bunch of bricks to the building.

Jeremy, please continue pursuing inpatient. We all care very much for you.

Hi Jeremy.

Great advice here. I won't repeat the others' questions and suggestions regarding inpatient treatment as everything about that is very clear already. But you seem to reject that again. OK... So I will repeat a question I asked you on a recent previous thread. How about the outpatient program you appeared to start a little while ago? You sounded very positive about your first day there and I recall you especially liked the discussion with a professional on that day. Why did you stop going?

I'm afraid everything as been said about inpatient, and this will become an avoidance exercise to answer the questions the good folks are asking.

Inpatient, Jeremy. What Dee said.

Authenticity? not ringing thru here.

Ya know, I was diagnosed stage 3 metastatic melanoma back in 06. I can only imagine where I'd be if I thought all that crap my oncologist told me to fight it was BS.
I can only imagine,too, where I'd be if I thought the help AA had for me was just a bunch of crap BS.

I wish you the best Jeremy, but from the perspective of many here,yer heading for trouble trying(AGAIN) to do this your way.

Jeremy it would be really good to hear from you.

I believe you posted you are indeed schizophrenic. It doesn't just go away cause we get 3 weeks of sobriety, friend. 3 weeks is a great start - it's a gift of grace, but what you do with that start is up to you......It's a marathon and you ( and me) have just started ;)

Hope you're on med's and take this seriously........
Really, Really read what Dee has posted. He really is trying to be helpful - as usual!!!


Hope you get the help you Deserve.
FlyN

Read this http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-recovery.html

I hope you give inpatient everything you've got.

We'll be here cheering for you.