Carrying on and tweaking the plan is a exellent idea

Well done Cny46er

Yeah, I think at some point you have to have the conversation about boundaries if you are going to try to fix your relationship.

Bottom line, stop doing stuff and people will stop "reporting" you. If you hadn't drank, none of this would be happening. It's kind of an expected consequence, you know?

How did your wife know you had been drinking if, you're not living together?

If, what you say is true an you were going to fess up, does it really matter ?

I may wait to discuss the situation. I feel like for lack of better terms like she tattle taled on me. I am a man who stand up for my actions both good and bad. I was fully prepared to discuss the situation with him on my own. I can see why she did what she did yet It does not fly with me. There was no need. If she felt so passionatly she could of asked after my appointment if I addressed it. If I had not then I guess I could see why she would take these steps. It feels more like undermining than caring about my recovery. It was 1 slip in 63 days.

My son told her I was and she stopped by the house.

What I'm hearing is hurt.

What I'm hearing is a sense that by not giving you the chance to be the man you'd like to be, to demonstrate honor, you feel like she's telling you that you're not honorable.

What I'm hearing is pain.... What I'm hearing is that you want to be believed in, to be cared about, to be trusted and seen as honorable. I hear you interpreting her choice and her action as meaning you are not trusted and honorable. That hurts. And much of the time our response to pain is to protect, to defend.

I wonder what would happen if you simply shared with her that it hurt. That you want to be honorable and you want to be trusted and that you fear she doesn't see you as trustworthy and honorable.

I wonder - if not that - what would happen if you simply told yourself "I care about you. I am here to trust in you. I am here and see that you are honorable...."

We spend so much of our lives being angry at others because of our own pain....

But our anger only hurts us more, when what we really need is simply comfort, love, compassion.

To err is human, to forgive, divine.” You said it yourself in your posts.

I'm an alcoholic but I've been in your wife's shoes. My husband is an alcoholic and addict. When he relapsed I talked about it in an AA meeting and "outed" him. Should I have done that? No. Why did I do that? I was scared to death of his continued drinking and didn't have the coping mechanisms at the time to deal with it without venting/talking/crying to someone else. She cares about you. She is scared. You drank, probably after promising her that you wouldn't ever again and you did it again. Panicking and fear lead to not great decisions but one probably not ill intended.

I'd talk to her and your counselor about how you feel and then let it go. Probably talk to the counselor first before dumping the anger on your wife.

Just a random idea I got, not sure it's realistic in your situation...
Would this counselor be open to meet both of you briefly sometime? Totally honestly, this is what I would do, not if I were you but if this happened to me. I would call the counselor or talk with him in person and ask if he is open to this kind of stuff. Not meaning to serve as a couple therapist, just to meet once to settle this whole situation. If he is not open to this, then of course you would need to make your decisions how to process it with your wife, if you wish to do it. And also, how to continue your individual treatment. Now if the counselor is open to meet both of you once, then I would talk with your wife (yeah I know I sound like a broken record with this) maybe in a couple days, and present this as something you would like for your recovery and also for the relationship. What FeeOwl said also, express that it hurt... and also that you know your slip hurt her. And then I would go to the counselor with her, with nothing heavy, just a brief discussion and peace making.

Perhaps a little unusual approach but what I would try most likely now after thinking about all this for a half day :)