I think of you REALLY WANTED that drink you wouldn't have posted here first.
I commend you for reaching out!!! What's going on Charliee?

I think there are only 2 outcomes, Charliee. Either you have that drink and it leads to many more, and all that goes with them, or you have that drink or two and everything's fine...which for me is always worse than the first outcome (because it fools me into thinking I'm in control again...and soon leads directly back to sheer misery). What brand new endeavor can you investigate and learn about as a way of jolting your brain out of this old track?

I find you can get away with one/ two once, maybe twice but then it WILL jump up and bite you on the ass!
I would be GUTTED to waste 20months.

I always thought that after a week, a month, a year, this would be cake. It's not, it's still seems as hard as it ever was. I don't know, drinking will lead to death for me, but that seems easier.

Don't give up, talk to us!

Why is that death by drink easier? It's not it's not easier for you and it's not easier for those that love you. You don't want to drink... You want to not hurt you want to not ache you want to not feel. I get it... I really really do!!!!!!!!

Have you tried therapy. I do understand the blanket clicheness of this statement. I've rolled my eyes at it so many times! But Charliee you're so worth living for, not just for your kids but for you. You haven't reached your potential but she's in there. And she's beautiful and strong!!!! Hold on tight you're not going to drink you're going to figure this **** out!!!

I "pondered" having a drink once after twenty five years of sobriety. Life was going too well, regardless of the inevitable challenges, losses and setbacks.

I obviously wasn't dead when I finally "came back" three years later, but boy I often wished I were.

Guaranteed - the dislike you will have for yourself if you start drinking again will be a lot worse than riding this tough time out sober. Alcohol is truly not worth it. I am sure you know this very clearly. Try to make the best choice for yourself and the people close to you.

What's going on, Charliee? What led you to this idea?

Charlee doesn't want to drink, it is your AV speaking.
Why don't you put down in writing what brought you to recovery and what happened to you when you drank so you can see on paper the consequences of your drinking.
If you did a first step in writing, maybe it is time to re read it too
Hang in there Charlee, this too shall pass
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You experience that which comes from where you put your attention. Place your attention elsewhere.

I'm just over it always being on my mind. I would just love to run away from everyone I know and be left alone to my own devices.

Isolating is never a good idea for alcoholics. What is going on? Are you experiencing stress and issues with your loved ones?

Charliee can you do and see your Doctor?

Please don't pick up that first drink.

Drinking makes the obsession worse, not better. If you really want to be free from it, starve it.

It's hard sometimes. That's how you can tell it's great.

Oh, I hope you stay strong and don't have that drink. You posted here as a way of reaching out, please stay strong!

Charlie that's a dumb move to throw away 20 months sobriety just for some alcohol. I mean come on really? In sure you have amazing reasons why you stopped. Don't give in because like many others said 1 will lead to many. My sober time is the most important thing in my life to me. The shame of myself losing it would be sooooooooo much worse that your urge to drink. So please, just don't take that first drink. Someone could hold a gun to my head and tell me to drink, and if I feel that I I would do anything to just let him to let me live and keep my sobriety. Hang in there, keep that sober time, don't drink! Just like that saying goes..."I know I have another drink I'm me, but do I have another recovery"? I think that's it.

My husband and I are having problems, I'm just over it

For me it was never a drink, it was a bottle and it came with feeling worse in the morning!!

Hang in there Charliee!! :grouphug:

No one here can keep you from drinking if that's what you choose. But no one is going to approve of it or recommend it in any shape or form.

If your issues are marital in nature, focusing on those issues should be your priority. That might require external intervention or counseling - but drinking or running away in any other fashion is a guaranteed way to make things worse.

Coming here is a great first step, what can we do to help?