how many times did it take????
 

I cant really believe it, after such a good happy week I just drank a bit on Fri and shedload last night.... Why why why.... Well I know,why, my oh wanted me to drink with him, and then was surprised when it lead to so much.... Although after 20 years of the same thing happening in not sure why he is,surprised.... Our so looked forward to night out was ruined, we argued horribly, he was so ill andblamed me for not being able to stop, says I need to grow up and move on.

But my real question is this, will it ever end, will I ever be able to stop.... Or am I trapped in this cycle forever! Has anyone actually made it to sober after so many false starts, or have I doomed it to failure???
I feel no hope... Finally the change has not happened.... I have failed.

Can anyone give me hope????

Sorry for such a downer.....

What have to tried to do, in order to quit?

I have actually tried three times and the third time stuck. The enjoyment was gone, the daily withdrawals became unbearable, and my health was failing with inflamed liver. Once you get a health diagnosis all the B.S. Stops. You either stop or die in the not so distant future.

My first try was 2010, second in 2013, and did it so far in 2014.

I lasted 10 days in 2010, 7 days in 2013 and I am almost four months in 2014. Stopped at 32 years old.

Hi there. I am sorry you are feeling so down, it is normal after a bout of hard drinking. I can't answer your question because I am fighting the same battle. But I do know this, you are not doomed to failure, success is always possible and is always worth fighting for. You have to keep trying.
About your partner, I have found that most non-alcoholics do not understand the problem and no matter how many times you try to explain it they aren't going to get it.
I wish you luck.

Hi, I'm sorry :( I'm back on day 1 again this is the third time since I joined SR. It's disheartening but you have to draw a line under it and keep going. Do you really want to stop? Does your OH understand what this means to you? Have you got any other support? (((hugs))) I'm taking my slip yesterday as a lesson learned, not to be complacent. The past is gone and no point beating yourself up about it (like the saying goes - only look back to see how far you have come..) but definitely learn a lesson from it and make a new plan. You can do this if you really want to :)

Hey Enfinthechange, Sorry it was a rough time. I'm glad to see you're here though. This was a bump in the road. Don't let it turn into a complete detour. Big hugs for forward progress.

Thanks guys, I need to get out of this hotel room, get home and make a,plan. Stick to it. Involve my oh, maybe tell my parents.... I just dunno...

You need to get to the point where you are more scared of continuing to drink than scared of life without alcohol. Are you there yet?

There ya go. Change it up. Adopt some things that have worked for others.

That's it, Mavis! I'm glad to see you here, too. Way to hop right back on the bus! :)

Enfinthechange, I saw a post where someone (with more sober time under his or her belt than me) mentioned that part of their plan included posting at least 5 times a day on SR whether they were really feeling into it that day or not.

It's something I'm trying that's helping to keep me focused.
You've already made some big strides. Be kind to yourself!

Yes and I have been sober for over 2 years now. Not easy but I was finally ready to get off the merry-go-round. Which is exactly what it is. To me false starts are trying to find our footings and our mojo. I had good intentions, just couldn't execute due to I didn't know how to stop or I didn't really want to stop. I would try over and over again and for me I just wasn't quite there yet. But just because I wasn't at the time doesn't mean I wouldn't get there. I did.

You have not failed. And as long as you are posting and reaching out and trying, that is not failing.

Please don't lose hope, you can do this, you really can. If I can, so can you.

Sorry to hear about your rough time, ((()))) do you have a plan of action that you can stick to when you feel a craving ? A lot of people on here step up their efforts after a bump in the road, could you do that ? I've read so many times here that you have to have really good concrete plan.

This is an excellent point. To stop drinking is one thing, to stay sober and live sober is something else. I personally needed direction because I would stop drinking and then be like "okay now what". So I went to see a drug and alcohol counsellor, best thing I ever did.

Enfinthechange
Yeah, just having a little doesn't work for me either. I'll have that and then want a boatload. Because I drank to get drunk. There was no other reason to do it. Your AV will tell you otherwise but you both know what will happen. Because you drink to get drunk.

That's a really good idea to involve others in your goal. It helps when the going gets tough and makes it more real to you.

Just remember one thing. No matter how many times you have to start over, Never Quit Quitting!

I have had a good number of relapses, and now sober. You are NOT doomed to always be in this cycle. You simply aren't. Get up, dust yourself off, and try again. You can do this.

You can stay sober. You can choose sobriety and live a deeper, richer, more joyful life.

It is not too late and it starts today.

You must make that choice fully and without reservation.

And you must take action to support that choice. Some of the actions may be uncomfortable and difficult at first, but if you take them anyway, you will find that you will leave this awful feeling behind.

It took lots of times for me. It doesn't have to be that way though. The point is i finally stayed sober up until today by not ever giving up. I also got a lot of inspiration from the example of others.
I felt at times that i would never 'get it' , that the odds were against me, that i was too old, too young, too far gone.....etc
Today i am sober.
I still don't find it easy at times or that it comes naturally.
But I AM sober and for that my gratitude is boundless.
You can and will stay sober if you decide that enough is simply enough.
Period.
G:)

Your OH isn't being supportive, in fact is sabotaging you by wanting you to drink with him. But you had a choice, and you both knew where it would go.

Do you want it enough to be so focused on sobriety that nothing he says influences you to drink? Because he will try if nothing changes. That's his thing, not yours.

I never succeeded in quitting until I realised it had to be total and for life.

It took many attempts and many failures for me to achieve sobriety.I could always stop drinking,but not stay stopped.

I once went 3years sober,then drank again for 17more years,that told me I couldn't do it on my own.Despite huge reservations about AA I became desperate enough to go to an AA meeting,I have been going ever since and never needed to pick up that first drink.

I know my Alcoholism wants me dead,in the meantime it will settle for me being drunk,I have to remain vigilant all the time.

Literally hundreds. What I needed to learn was willpower alone wasn't enough, that realisation is what made the difference.

Thank you for this post! I'm feeling so stupid with all of these recent false starts at sobriety. I'm fighting my impulse NOT to post here, because I believe this will ultimately help me to quit for good.

This is my second attempt at quitting. My first was about 6 years ago and I stopped drinking for about 9 months. When I started drinking after that, it was very casual and very gradual. My husband (who is a normal drinker...he may look for a beer but if there isn't the kind he likes, he'll be like "oh, but we have Coke, I'll have that." Whaaaat?!) was initially skeptical that I had to stop drinking, but since finding my hidden alcohol stashes all over the house MANY times, he has come to believe that I have a serious problem.

Sorry for rambling, but my point is that I'm going to keep trying, and recalibrating my approach, and finding ways to handle stress that don't involve drinking. I believe it can be done, and the ultimate failure would be to just stop trying.

Wishing the BEST for all of us as we keep fighting the good fight. :)

I haven't had wine since September 12 (my drink of choice) BUT I continue to have a beer or two or three here and there. I had two last night. Why? I don't know. I don't even like beer. So, I know that I have made "progress" but I also know that I NEED TO STOP IT ALL. It's so pointless and damaging-to me and, ultimately, to everyone around me.

I'm saying all of this to let you know that you are NOT alone in your struggle. Many of us are in the same boat but it doesn't mean that we can't do this! WE CAN! YOU CAN! Hang in there and keep coming back.

Intervention got me into the doors
of recovery back in August 1990. My
last drink was August 10th and my
1st full day sober was August 11th.

That has been a good many one days
at a time sober for the past 24 yrs.

With knowledge of addiction taught
to me and tools of a recovery program
to incorporate in my everyday life, it
has kept me sober with no desire to
pick up a drink and want to die.

With some Willingness, keeping an
Openmind and add Honesty in the
equation then you can achieve many
AWESOME Gifts in the way of AA's
Promises as stated in the Big Book
of AA.

enfin,

The change cannot happen until you are able to make the commitment to stay sober no matter what. That means telling your husband you cannot go out with him if there is drinking involved. I couldn't eat in restaurants that served alcohol for almost a year, it made me too uncomfortable. There will be a time when you can be around alcohol socially, but initially you will have to choose sobriety first.

The depression you feel isn't because you are incapable of sobriety, it's because you don't want to give up the things that sobriety requires you to let go of. Sobriety requires sacrifice, change and 100% commitment to happen.

I was unable to make that commitment until I tried every other possible option. It wasn't until the only choices I saw left were suicide or sobriety that I chose sobriety. I have not had a drink since 2009 - you can do this, surround yourself with others who have successfully quit, seek their advice and companionship and do what they did.

Good luck!

You can use this as a learning experience. What would you do differently in a similar situation to stay sober? Or what could you do to prevent the situation entirely?

Some ideas may include talking to the important people in your life, explaining that you are quitting drinking and asking for their complete support. You may have to explain that you are going for 100% abstinence and that drinking at all always leads to drinking too much for you. Could you ask your OH to not drink around you? To not keep alcohol in the house? Or to not ask you to drink with him?

Then you have to examine your own approach. You say he was surprised that you drinking a little bit lead to you going overboard. But what were your own expectations on what would happen? Did you think you could just have one? Or did you know where it would lead? What is more imporant to you- drinking because he is looking for a drinking partner or protecting your sobriety because you know if you drink you will go overboard?

What could you say next time he pressures you to drink? Sometimes even thinking through the words ahead of time helps. "No thanks. I quit." Or "No thanks, drinking always leads me to drinking too much." Or "Remember what happened last time? I think I'll pass." Or "I feel like a coke tonight." Plan out how to say "No."

A lot of people here talk about "playing the tape forward". When that one drink sounds tempting, you remind yourself that one drink will lead to another drink and another and another until you are too drunk, resulting in arguments, problems, hangovers, guilt, depression and being bummed about screwing up your sobriety.

I think a lot of people have to give sobriety more than one shot. Keep trying, keep learning and be willing to add on to your tools and skills for staying sober. You can learn from this, change your approach and use it to make yourself more successful the next time around.

I cannot thank you all enough, I don't think I have ever read such heartfelt, kind and real advice in my life. I feel very moved by all your words and feelings. Thank you all..

Understanding everything is like looking at a ball of wool and seeing the beginning of the wool and all the twists n turns...

I think/know my OH has the same problem as me.... but he never says he wants to totally give up. He is an unusual character in many ways, knows his own mind very well, yet struggles with the same issues as I do with the booze. We met drunk and it has been our hobby for 20 years! We do get on sober too of course and do lots and lots of fun sober things, but also have this horrid tendancy to loose the off button!

He may well be coming round to this way of thinking, but will never ask for help, or do online support...

I, however, think this place is the best place to get the support and encouragement I need to carry on....

Just as a side note, when coming back on the train we received a call that our son had been scalded by boiling tea and was in hospital with his grandparents... we had to go straight over, hangovers and all, and spend 5 hours in AandE waiting for the burns to be dressed... he is fine, but I feel this is an omen. My chiddlers need me, they need a good, strong, sober mum to give them a happy, secure life.

Thanks again people. Day 1 done again, may it be the last day 1!

Don't hesitate to post here as you go; it's great support and I've used it a lot. I hope your son recovers soon.

Enfin, lots of us have had false starts, slips, relapses, full stops, you name it, myself included. I've heard a saying around here and I think it's true: "fall down nine times, get up ten." You are NOT trapped in this forever. Sometimes the OH is the last person to believe/understand what you're going through, especially if you've been together a long time, double-especially if they're able to drink normally. It's like a person who has never experienced clinical depression trying to understand why someone who does feels so depressed all the time. But it's not hopeless. You can break free from this misery. How much have you and your OH discussed what things are like for you?

Like Melinda, I'm on my third try. Nothing is guaranteed, but this one certainly feels different. Some try again and again and again for years, and others nail it sooner. Depends on a lot of different factors.

Oh gosh Enfin somehow I overlooked your most recent post. So sorry to hear about the little one! Grateful he's okay.