Could this be true???
 

I just got an AA sponsor with 30 years of sobriety. She (obviously) is still very involved with the program. I asked her why there aren't more people with long-term sobriety (5-30 years) in AA and she said "why do you think?" I said "I don't know....are they all dead, drunk or locked up?" And she said "look at YOU. You had almost 6 years, stopped going to meetings and relapsed, didn't you?" :-(

Could this be true? Are all sober alcoholics either dead, locked up or in AA?

She DID say that IF there is someone who is "dry" they are miserable people. Restless, irritable, discontent, depression, anxiety etc etc.

Thoughts?

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Oh for heaven's sake...

I've been in recovery for 14 years and I'm still here.

I think whenever someone makes blanket statements about groups of people, you should probably step away and get some other information on the subject.

Re-read that sentence, and and knowing what you know about SR and the people here, think of how absolutely ridiculous it sounds.

14 years Anna! You have no idea how much hope you just gave me.

Completly agree with Anna and Scott !!!

I have heard this also in AA, and do not agree. I have met people who got sober without AA, using other tools, who are not "dry drunks." AA is not the ONLY answer. There are many roads to spiritual growth, many paths to growing as a human.

I love AA (please keep that in mind as you read my post). I think this attitude really damages the experience for many people. There are people who grow weary of AA meetings for many reasons, but that doesn't mean that they disappear into the abyss of alcoholism.

AA is a support group. It has a spiritual component. It is not the exclusive end of the journey, but is a path.

I've also heard people say that it is selfish to stop attending meetings, that folks with more recovery should stay to help newcomers. There are also many paths to service in this world. Supporting newcomers on SR is a rich and rewarding service. Helping folks in the community in myriad ways (not just addicts or alcoholics - but kids, elders, animals...) is meaningful and satisfying service.

Many people leave AA at some point and get more deeply involved in their church, their career, their family, their community. Maybe they visit once in a while. Maybe they are done.

When people say this ("this is the only answer. if you leave you will either die or end up institutionalized.") - that is when AA sounds like a cult. It is a threat, designed to frighten. It demoralizes people and turns them off.

Personally, it wouldn't work for me to have a sponsor who believes AA is the ONLY path to joyous, healthy sobriety. I need someone with a larger vision.

Haha Anna. You're funny. BUT....are you happy? Do you feel like you fit in? Do you have friends? Were you REALLY an alcoholic? According to my sponsor if you are/were really an alcoholic you couldn't be. :(

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Another question...Also Anna, are u in AA?

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Well said, Heartcore. SR is a place where some of us who leave meetings decide to give back. I also volunteer at the local women's shelter. AA is not the only place to give back your time... there are myriad of choices to pick from!

Why would my sponsor with 30 years of sobriety say that then???

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

Exactly what are you agreeing with?

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

No, I have not used AA.

Yes, I was a real alcoholic. I came very close to dying.

Yes, I have friends, I have family close by (children & grandchildren). I have a full and happy life. I dance, I do yoga, I meditate, I read.

As to why your sponsor would say that?? Do you believe your sponsor is the ultimate source of knowledge about alcoholism? I suspect your sponsor is a person in recovery, an alcoholic who tries to help other people, period.

I don't believe that. That just is not true.

Serenidad, That's a sweeping generalization - and not at all helpful.

This is me: Drank 30 years - in the end, drank all day every day. Realized I was going to die if I didn't quit. With the help of SR I am 6 yrs. 9 mos. sober. Yes, I have friends - and I'm not miserable, dead, locked up, or in AA.

People say the darndest things - they may even sincerely believe them - but it doesn't make them true Serenidad :)

D

I find AA to be enormously helpful. My uncle and grandfather, two of the most raging drunks you would ever want to meet, both had/have thirty years in the program. It worked for them, and it's keeping me sane. I have friends outside of AA who are very supportive, but the people in the meetings understand my particular disease and it's vital that I have the camaraderie of people who have been where I am. As to your sponsor, that person is just a human being like the rest of us, with opinions that may be true for him/her, but not for everyone. Find your path.

Gang, lets remember this forums rule:

Dee
Moderator
SR

Well that's good to hear! Im glad you are doing so well. I'm not sure why my sponsor would say that but I don't like it! It makes me feel trapped...like a cult or something. :-(

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

I completely disagree with your sponsor.
I attend AA, and the one thing that makes me question my continued attendance at AA meetings is the people that go around with that attitude.
I am allergic to militant ignorance.
I go to mtgs to see friends and be there for someone else coming in the door who needs help.
I know plenty of people who got sober and went on to live happy, healthy, fulfilled lives.

I grew up with a religion that told me that unbaptized babies went to limbo and people who take their own lives went to hell. Oh, and ALL the other religions were lost to eternal damnation or whatever......
I got over that nonsense too.

I repeat, I go to AA meetings and have worked hard to change a lot of my ways.
I never question anyone's recovery method.
My father quit after a huge showdown with family, police, doctor and the public.
He hasn't taken a drink since. In the 20+ years since, he has gone through a tragic family accident, cancer, heart bypass, deaths etc.
85 years old now. He would not even hear what was being said in an AA mtg.

If it was a cult we'd never have the er... 'robust discussions' we do here between AA members :)

I wouldn't discount AA over one persons opinion anymore than I would discount SR over one post.

Ultimately of course it's your decision.

If you do leave AA I'd find something to replace it before you leave, Serenidad.
I think you need to give that some thought?

D

What did you learn yourself in your almost six years sober?

Why do you think your 'sponsor' would say something like that?

What the hell is a sponsor anyway?

I'm no expert here but, maybe you should try finding a new sponsor. One that you can relate too.

Your sponsor is wrong. Period.

A lot of people seem to use sweeping generalizations when it comes to alcoholism. I used to talk to someone who was sober for a number of years and still went to AA. I guess he was trying to be my sponsor? I was drinking heavily at the time and don't remember exactly what forum I met him on. He told me how he almost died a bunch of times, and that it is impossible for an alcoholic to stop drinking without help. He seemed sincere but I wasn't ready to stop, so I eventually ignored his calls. When you're half way though a bottle of vodka you don't want someone checking up on your drinking status.

Impossible without help? I found that discouraging.

I will try this again.
AA is wonderful.
I love AA.
AA is not the only way to get sober.
It is a great source of support for someone trying to get sober.
It is also a great way of staying in touch with other like minded people who wish to stay sober and enrich their lives by helping others to do the same.
If I tell you the only way to get fit is to run.
You cannot consider any other form of exercise.
You must run.
How does that sound?
I don't like fear based recovery, fear based politics or fear based religion.
Live, and let live.
I will probably attend AA for a long time.
I believe I can never safely drink.
I believe if I ever forget my alcoholism and think I can drink safely again, I will be in dangerous territory.
The very best of luck and respect to all.
:bus

More AA half truths....And I am a member!
people are people. Just because she has long term, don't put her on a pedestal and anoint her queen!

Serenidad - AA is not for everyone and I'm included in that group. I have been sober with the help of SR alone for almost 5 months. I think there is an element of people in AA who believe that AA is the only possible way to find a peaceful and fulfilled life sober. I certainly do not agree. SR is an amazing source of support. Those with longer term sobriety on this forum may/ may not participate in AA but I certainly respect (aspire to!) the sobriety of the numerous SR members who do not belong to AA. That being said I did learn a great deal through the time I spent in AA. Do whatever stops you picking up a drink!

There are many good things about AA but sad to say there are also folks active in AA who are sober AND miserable. I've witnessed them at some of the more undesirable meetings, They sure seemed Restless, Irritable and Discontent to me. Only you (the individual) can identify what "dry" really is...

Your sponsor sounds like a bitter person who responded to you inappropriately with cynicism. I frankly don't think she has any business being a sponsor with that attitude. IMO

There are as many opinions about AA and ways to approach and use and believe in AA as there are people. Don't let one person's view and experience convince you otherwise.

I know a lot of 20-30 year sober AA members. Also know several who had 5-10 years and relapsed and made it back to the rooms.

Also a few who never did make it back.

Use AA and other tools in whatever manner works for you to have a happy, sober, meaningful life and don't sweat the differences of opinion.

Certainly consider them... Give them an honest look to see what applies for you or what you might learn, but then make it your own recovery.