First time
 

New to this site today. I've been drinking heavily for the last for the last 20 years. First drink at age 14 and just continued from there. Im a binge drinker- no such thing as a couple drinks for me. I typically drink at home, alone.
I drink at least a bottle of wine nightly usually preceded by a couple vodka martinis. I recently retired from a job I enjoyed though it was very demanding mentally, physically and emotionally. I drank to relax quickly, go to sleep and get up the next day and go to work. When I was out for business dinners, i could control myself until I got home. I thought my drinking would slow down after retiring but it's only gotten worse! More free time and less responsibility - I now drink several martinis and a bottle or two of wine over a 6 hour period. I've started to drink earlier and earlier in the day. I'm scared it will only get worse and i will become more and more isolated and possibly ill, unless I deal with it.

I am 5 days without a drink. Longest alcohol free period in years. I don't have much for physical withdrawals but the psychological craving is so strong I feel like I should chain myself up so I can't get to any alcohol. The last five days I've felt better, had more energy and feel happy. But everyday I want that bottle of wine so badly. I haven't "promised" myself I'd quit and I don't know if that is a signal that I can't stop. I don't want to spend this phase of my life so dependent on alcohol that I don't have time to pursue the things I always thought I would.

Curious if there are others facing this life transition with addiction hanging over your head.

Ps. I love to garden, cook, read, do mosaics, paint - and drink while I'm doing it!!

Welcome lhtlZ.

Our stories sound very familiar. I usually did it the other way around. Started with a ""couple" of giant martinis (that was probably the equivalent of 10 shots of gin) then moved over to the "softer" stuff - Chardonnay or Zin. Just a bottle. Maybe more on a bad night.

Now to even write that, I can't believe at how quickly my consumption level spiraled out of control.... Sheesh.

I, too, loved to paint while drinking, garden while drinking, cook while drinking, surf the net while drinking, not so much read bc I could never retain what I read in blackout.

It has been a process to learn how to do all of those things sober. I still can't paint sober. My easel and brushes and gesso canvas' sit and wait. But. I have managed to relearn how to do the rest.

There was a point in my trying to get sober, where I literally didn't cook for 2 months bc I couldn't handle doing it sober. It's still a challenge, but all it takes is getting used to it. I also started making meals in the morning (wasn't ever a morning drinker) so I didn't have to attempt it during my witching hours of 4:00 pm until 7:00 pm.

The best self sabotage I used to feed myself was "See ? Even though I'm drinking, I'm sooooo cultured (as I ruined painting after painting when I got too drunk). Oh, the lies we tell ourselves to justify addiction.

I tried to moderate. For years. With zero success. Once I have a sip in me, all bets are off and I'm drinking to drunk.

Poke around here. :). You will find many of us, just like you. :)

Glad to have you..

I also can't have just one or two drinks if I'm in a setting where I can continue to get more. Things get neglected because I spend all my free time drinking. I guess that's the nature of alcoholism.

I'm sure others are like me and told themselves for years they can learn to moderate or abstain. Then after a few days without, having that "one" drink starts the cycle all over again. I had a friend who went to AA and said it's impossible for most alcoholics to stop without seeking some sort of help. Not sure how true that is, but after 15 years I'm finally starting to believe it.

Congrats on your 5 days and Good luck.

Welcome to the Fourm!! :wave:

You'll find loads of support here on SR!! Great to have you onboard!! :)

Welcome to the forum! S

I can do all things through he who strengthens me

Congratulations on 5 days! I understand about having more free time and wondering how to transition without drinking. Like alphaomega, I also associated many ativities with drinking. Keeping busy when the activitties you love are associated with drinking is tough. It does get easier though.

For now, can you try some new activities that you would enjoy that are not associated with driinking? Switch up your routtine for a bit while you are in early recovery?

Wow! Thank you all!
 

I'm grateful to all of you for your thoughtful replies! I have never sought help or support for my addiction because I considered myself " stonger and better" than that. I was in a behavior health facility ( aka Nut House, as I called it) for a week after an OD of vodka and xanax. A doc prescribed the xanax to help me stop drinking. Boy, did that backfire! Anyway, even after that I didn't seek help.

It helps to hear your stories - especially those that are so similar to mine. Already I don't feel so alone in this. I will try to use use the advice you offered. Cooking in the the AM is a great idea! Not really sure if I like to cook or just have an excuse to drink. And finding new activities to break my drinking rituals is also something I will think about.

To join this forum is a big step for me and the words of support you all offered are an amazing and humbling surprise!

I'm glad you took this important step by coming here and reaching out.

We do understand how hard this is, but your five days sober is great! And, I agree that changing daily routines is very helpful in the early days. It makes it easier to get through the really tough moments of the day.

I hope you continue to believe that alcohol is no longer an option.

Hi and welcome. Congratulations on 5 days.
IF you’re an alcoholic there is much good reading in these posts on these pages. Try to notice that alcoholism is progressive and never gets better unless we stop the intake.
I’m certainly partial to AA because of the help it’s given me and so many millions of others and I like face to face meetings. In my rural area there are over 200 meetings a week so there are ample examples to be observed. Meetings are a great learning experience for those that need them and no one has to say a word about themselves except perhaps “my name is ***** and I’ll listen” until you may want to say something.

Many exclaim “I’m not that bad.” It’s suggested to add the word YET = Your Eligible Too.

BE WELL

Congratulations of five days and so glad you are here x

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4852092

Here is my the first post I ever made on this website. Sound familiar? Believe me, stopping drinking will bring a whole new meaning to your retirement. Best move you ever made. Good luck, lots of support here, you are in the right place.

Hi and welcome lhtlZ :)

Over 20 years I ended up an all day everyday drinker.

Getting out of that hole was hard - it took time, patience , effort and commitment - but not impossible. I hungered for change. I wanted to find the real me again.

I found a lot of ideas, support and encouragement here and I know you will too.

I'm glad you've found us :)

D

Welcome! I'm new here too. Congratulations on 5 days. Even though I'm not retired, I can totally relate to the way that unstructured time can provide a license to drink. The hours of my job are somewhat flexible, so I was "teleworking" more and more, which was a complete and total disaster for my drinking. One of my new rules is to avoid being home alone at all costs. I'm worried about this weekend, but hopeful. Best of luck to you!!!

I love being sober when i was drinking life was unbearable

this site in particular helps great ppl great support great advice

good luck and congrats on 5 days

Welcome! It's so good to have you with us. :)

I drank almost 30 yrs. & never imagined my life without it. In the end, it was nothing but a terrible habit that only brought me danger & misery. You don't need it. I'm glad you want to make this big change - you can do it lhtlZ.