Let's try this again
 

I really *must* stop drinking for awhile, and Im gonna lean on you nice people for the first couple of days. Once I get through one day, I'm usually OK for awhile. My weakness is giving in to a drink to medicate the withdrawal. I have a lot of events approaching that are important to me, so it's time!

Anyway, I've got a plan here. I live in an apartment complex that has everything -- a gym, pool, jacuzzi, computers, etc. As long as I stay within the place, I won't be running into any alcohol -- there's none in my apartment. I also ordered several days' worth of a green juice cleanse (juice, protein drinks, detox soup) that gives you an exact schedule for when to consume each thing. When I've done that before, I feel better quickly. I don't like sweets, so that common withdrawal technique wouldn't appeal. I'm a musician and writer -- I have a big concert across the country in 10 days and I'm out of shape. And I have a book proposal due that I haven't started. Good work, girl! Sigh.

I'm staying home and being kind to myself. I'm definitely going to want to check in throughout the day tho! I don't have to go anywhere for two days -- and that's a class where there won't be an alcohol issue. I had developed a terrible habit of stopping for a Diet Coke and two mini-bottles of vodka, which is drinking WHILE drive, which I obviously must stop on every level. I think a two-day DIY home rehab will help me start better habits. So far no serious symptoms, just feeling foggy, stupid, and flabby. And I have a lovely crop of acne.:dee

Someone's here 24/7/365. Welcome!

You can do this Razorback!! :)

So far so good! I'm lucky to not have to be anywhere but home...

Welcome back. Sorry to see your struggles continue. Maybe this points to a reason:

Stop for "awhile"? And then what? Resume drinking? If you leave the door open for drinking, guess what walks in? Perhaps you should be thinking about quitting for good. Then doing whatever it takes to support that decision.

You're making a great start by realizing you may have a problem.
I used to buy shooters and drink them on the way home, too. And this was at 8am.
It was a miserable life.
Just remember, you never have to go through this again if you don't take that first drink.
Best to you.

Doggonecarl, you are right, sometimes it takes a few tries -- and I was trying to add a little levity there. But you are correct and I know it. And Ghostlight1, I've progressed to that point as well. I was just listening to a podcast where the speaker -- Irish guy named Paul Garrigan -- points out how much simpler sobering up is if you take the possibility of drinking again off the table. Despite my being a truly loose cannon, life is still going well. Maybe now I can find out how much better it can go -- like, I haven't had a romantic partner in YEARS.

Still inside, listening to podcasts, meditations, with a mud pack on my face. Can't go out like this! It's amazing what a waste of time drinking is, and how much I've gotten done this morning. I recently got a shrink who specializes in drinking problems. I was doing well -- I've been honest with her. But she is out of town, so here I am.

There's a nature trail nearby that doesn't pass any shops. That would be a good activity on this sunny day.

Good luck!!

Still good. Still in my bathrobe, but sober!

As soon as I heard "I have a plan" I knew you would do great. :You_Rock_

We will be here, and enjoy the facilities at your place for me! Specially the pool!

OK, practicing (it's a woodwind instrument) was really unpleasant. Cancel that! Strapping on my Fitbit pedometer and going for an easy walk -- on the waterside trail that passes no stores. And I'm not taking any money with me, either! This is incredibly helpful to check in here....thanks, guys.

30-minute walk. Home. I did it! Now I'm in for the night. Early to bed and a happier morning tomorrow. Thanks everyone.

Bravo! You may not read this until tomorrow, but your running commentary was so inspirational. You have a plan and you've stuck with it. This is a hard journey to make, but I believe in the long run so very much easier than the other option. Be well. I look forward to your morning post. :grouphug:

Thanks! It's 7 pm, and I'm going to try and go to bed now. Have not slept well in many moons. Maybe tonight. Didn't get very much done today, but I sure look forward to clearer thinking in the morning.

How is it going so far this morning, Razor?

Yesss! I was up between 2-5 am, but then had decent quality sleep 5-9 am (might as well sleep when it comes). I feel a lot smarter this morning. Drinking my juice cleanse green juice and protein drink now. I'm over the bad part now -- my drinking came in two ways: to medicate a hangover (and that could repeat daily for a long stretch), and hanging out at happy hours. I quit the happy hours months ago, I'm pleased to say. Otherwise I don't get the cravings some people do, so I'm not prone to want to buy any alcohol.

Got a lot of things to do today, and I guess that's the key. Going towards things you want more than thinking about NOT doing something. Much to my delight, my weight -- which is 20 lbs too much -- was down this morning.

I don't foresee any problems today. Tomorrow might have a challenge, but here's the plan. I'm going to an all-day symposium of panel discussions and networking. Fortunately, it's at a theater, not a hotel, and lunch is outdoor food trucks (I'm going to have my juice cleanse items in the car). But I'm betting there will be a networking reception at the end. I'm going to take an Antabuse mid-day so I will not wander over to the wine guy. I think I will start carrying the Antabuse around in my purse for when a tempting situation pops up, but I don't want to take it every day.

Thanks for getting me through the horrible Day 1, everyone.

congrats on your progress Razorback :)

D

Looks like you're off to a great start :)

Day 2 good. Did some errands, went to the gym, practiced an hour, walked 8,000 of the 10,000 steps my FitBit wants. I passed a LOT of liquor stores and didn't want to go in, but when I wanted a soft drink I knew habit would take over -- so I went in a booze-free gas station shop. Success!

My shrink has stressed that I don't have to do anything 100% at times like these -- just do *something!* That's really helping. There's a lot more time in the day when you're not busy drinking all the time...

Home now. On to Day 3.

This is wonderful news! Keep up the great work!

Razorback I just looked at your June 2012 plan thread...you're October 13 plan thread...and now this one.

The fact that you "must' stop drinking for "awhile"...well, you are still struggling to accept this thing has its teeth in you. This is addiction. Plans are great...but unless you radically accept that this thing is enslaving you, manipulating you, conning you, feeding on you...oh geez...hon...

When you gonna throw up the white flag?

The major problem I had practicing, was the breathing. (woodwinds also) It had gotten so bad, I couldn't keep my phrasing if my life depended on it. By the time I finished the piece, I felt like I needed an oxygen mask.

I can tell I'm making a little progress when I don't feel so winded. It's definitely more enjoyable and not so much work. Stay well Razor.

Peace,

michaels

Did it. Feel exponentially better starting Day 3. Went out to the beach to see the Supermoon at 5 am (THAT wouldn't have happened a few days ago)! Walked 1/2 my daily dose of walking, downed my juice and shake. Now taking an Antabuse as I'll be going to this all-day seminar, probably with a reception at the end. I'll take a sparkling water, sir!

Still doing great on Day 5! I did take Antabuse Saturday, and indeed, they were serving wine, which I didn't have. But I might have otherwise. Then yesterday I went down to a town they call "Little Saigon," where I bought this beautiful Vietnamese pants/tunic outfit. I felt very huge (wonder how I gained those 20 lbs, hmmm) among these little Asian women, and that sure added incentive to stay AF. It was a fun adventure, I walked around and looked at all the Vietnamese stuff, the mystery items in the food court at the mall, then drove (that kept me from drinking too) the 40 miles home. Felt the pull of my favorite bar, but did not go in.

Today I'm meeting with someone who's helping keep me on track career-wise (this self-directed, nebulous career stuff makes me go off the rails). We usually have wine. I'm taking an Antabuse and saying right off that I'm not drinking for the rest of the year. This major event in my life happens in December, and career possibilities and PR stuff is escalating fast. I need a clear mind (and a few lbs less) to take advantage of this amazing opportunity.

Found a book for my Kindle called "Alcohol Lied To Me," which I found inspiring and useful. As I'm feeling better daily, I'm embracing the "do what you can today" attitude. I used to run six miles a day. Today I climbed on the treadmill for a 30-minute walk. I feel bad that I'm not up to running. But I did SOMETHING. And felt rather proud of myself afterwards. This isn't easy, especially since so many bad habits have evolved along with the drinking.

I heard from one of my former happy hour buddies that the general manager at the beachside resort/bar we favored wants to "get rid of the locals" (there's yellow neon sign over the entrance that says "locals welcome"). We've all spent a small fortune there. But I know at least one guy gets drunk and weepy around other patrons and has fallen into a planter, another brings a drooly, shedding bulldog "service dog" in that sheds everywhere, and God knows what terrible behavior the rest of us have exhibited. These are almost all accomplished professional people -- one has two PhDs -- but I think that must contribute to the attitude of entitlement there. We all dress like crap and look like dumpster divers; this is a very expensive hotel. Anyway, hearing that kind of helped.

This isn't exactly easy. But it's not impossible either, and there's quite a reward for doing it!

Still going. Still feel sucked into bars and liquor stores, but I podcasts loaded on my phone for those times. Helps.