Landed face first
 

Ok I have lurked enough hiding in my self pity and shame.
I crashed and once again underestimated how chronic of an Alcoholic I am.

I binged for the last week and am to the point that eating food is not even appealing, when I eat I feel like hell, when I drink I feel like hell.

Not even sure if I posted this, but I did manage to get to my first AA. I was not sober but was welcomed with the most awesome people. Managed to walk to the front and get my chip and have a panic attack.

I listened and cried, I am most definitely going back. First it's detox time. I want to go back sober out of respect for the program members. I could tell the lady beside me was not comfortable with my smell. Yikes

All good, I must remain positive and keep my humor Only things that's keeping me from buying a long rope. LOL!

So glad you went to the meeting.

Go to another one today.

It might be the piece you have been missing from your puzzle.

Plus, cookies!

Absolutely, remain positive. It can be very difficult at times not to relapse.
You're still here and still striving to stay away from alcohol.
Nobody is ever a failure as long as they keep trying.

I'm so very glad to read this my friend. Are you going to be okay? How and where do you plan to detox? When is the next meeting you are going to attend?

hang in there Pat. Continue meetings - and reach out to people.

Stick with it, Pat. You're worth it :hug:

You did a good job going to a meeting. Stay positive and keep trying! Your effort is there just need to keep going to meetings.

Go to your doctor. They can give you something for both detox and the following cravings.

There is one this morning but Withdrawal is kicking in. So I have to monitor and head to the ER if things get too weird. I'm trying to relax not easy.

I know the drill call 911 if things get out of hand.

Patman - rooting for you, always.

Glad you're back Patman. Stick with it. You can do this.

I was just thinking about how great people are on SR, all of you.
I have family and they have given up, they simply don't get it as you guys do.

I think they see it as I could just snap out of this, that I am not strong.

Only you guys get how this is a" insert swearing here" emotional addiction that deep down we hurt.

Take care all and keep fighting the good fight as some say.

There is no shame in asking for professional help for yourself if you find AA isn't enough.

AA is a great thing, but it does have its own set of difficulties. Try to go to different meetings at different locations until you find a few you like. I am really glad I went through my early days of sobriety in AA meetings.(I went to my first meeting at Day 3 and then went to 90 in 90.) I was able to be a basket case amongst people who not only understood but who were willing to help me when I asked. Those first few weeks were awful. It gets better. I know you've had several slips, so something's gotta change for you to make it stick!

Pat, I am so, so glad to see you back here and know you're working at your recovery.

Feel better soon, and take care today.

Hey Pat, stay strong, great to see you back posting and staying positive!!

You can do this!! :grouphug:

You're doing it, Patman--you're taking the steps! I'm glad that your AA experience was positive and is keeping you moving in the right direction. You've got this--believe, believe, believe!

:You_Rock_come on PATMAN day 1 myself tomorrow and I wept when I read your story you are gonna be fine keep breathing keep thinking and you will be ok much love and support mike

Most importantly I am glad you are back. Secondly, any thoughts on what caused the binge? Obviously, we are alcoholics so there is that answer. However, I know that there is generally a catalyst....something that provokes the picking up of the drink. This is a challenging time of the year as so many people are drinking it seems and there are many events that include alcohol. I'm still learning about the people, places, and things that don't include alcohol. Stay strong. Keep reaching out.

That is so true Pat, I think if you do not have an issue with alcohol you can only pretend to understand the battles we face.

We all have tremendous faith in you Pat, but I think you know that.

Take care.

Hey Patman - there's nothing like getting to a place where our eyes are truly open. Glad you are safe and OK! Please stick around. We are all here with you.

:grouphug:

Glad you are back, we're all rooting for you!

I hear you, but don't be too hard on your family. Your struggles impact them directly, creating pain and chaos in their lives. For them, it's not just about offering you moral support. They probably wrestle often with how to help you - what actions are really helpful and supporting vs. what actions are enabling, and how much should they sacrifice in their own lives to support you. I'm in that position with a friend right now, and it's very hard to know the right thing to do. There don't seem to be any good choices, so I just do the best I can.

The great thing about SR is that the only thing one can really give is encouragement, wisdom, and moral support. There is distance through anonymity that prevents the kind of closeness that could lead to the pain and chaos friends and family often feel. That makes it easy to be unreservedly compassionate. It's a lot harder to do that when you've been hurt.

Pat, as you know the early days post detox are a bit crazy with lots of insomnia...that was my experience. Build a good library of self help books for this 3am wake ups. I found In the Realm if Hungry Ghosts, Power of ?Now, Awareness, Mindfulness for beginners, AAs
Big Book, Living Sober, A Million Little Pieces.

Also find for me that making new emotional bottoms, creates more openness and willingness, two key attributes in my recovery program.

Good luck, glad to see your back with us.

Welcome back PatMan. I am glad to hear you are getting the help you need.

Glad you're back on the wagon Patman

If you keep trying as you have been, one time it will just click for you.
I never was able to stick to sobriety and then one day it just was time and I did.
My "early attempts" were what led to my later success because I kept learning from each one.

I think lots of us have to try many times but it's easier when you know people "get" how hard kicking this thing is :grouphug:

We love you and we have faith that you'll rise up out of this.

There's no doubt in my mind that you can do this Pat. :hug:

I'm glad to see you here Pat :)

Have no fear - recovery is possible for everyone...sometimes it involves a lot of sweat and toil and discomfort for a while...but the pay off is enormous...we get to be who we really are :)

D

The Patman, I remember you from one of my many failed attempts at sobriety early on. I don't want to condescending but going to the hospital because you drank too much is not normal. I've been there 4 times because of it. I got the impression the doctors were becoming annoyed with me after a while. Once you detox I recommend AA daily. More than once if necessary. There is not a soft easy way for people like us my friend. Tell them where you are coming from. Get a sponsor. If you are serious about stopping, you have to be willing. You ever read the posts on here about people that have died from alcoholism? Stop now please. Before you do some damage you wont walk away from.

There's a sign at one of my AA meetings that reads, "Welcome Home"

Proud of you for going to the meeting and getting that first chip!!!

Missed this during travels today, hope your detox is going ok

SR will always be here for you Patman. The thing that worries me is will you be here for you....you never know which return to drinking is the one you never come back from. You are an intelligent guy...but sometimes we can be to smart for our own good in regards to getting sober.

Once detox is done, maybe it's time to really look at what it is you need help with? We're here if course but there is much more out there. Stay in touch and be strong