Been over a year since Checking in. Still having Major Problems
 

Alright, been 2 years or so on this site. Haven't posted in over a year. Just wanted to say things have gotten worse. I'm still drinking every morning, day, and night. I'm a real life functional alcoholic. I have a job that pays a lot but I'm addicted to gambling so I live with my parents. I have seen a psych for the past two years and have been on an anti-depressant that has really taken away any depressive thoughts. But alcohol just rules my life. When I was on this site using my daily journal it was the best 2 months I've had in the last 5 years. I want to do that again, I want to make it known to myself everyday that this is a problem right now and that waiting tomorrow to deal with it is not going to work.

Things have been really slipping for me. About to turn 30 in June, had trouble playing hockey this year and missed some games, I work at home every day so I'm drunk while working. I realize that people are going to say AA, hospital, treatment, etc. I'm still as stubborn and arrogant as before although I will say I'm much more humble now in the fact that I have failed so many times and realize that I'm a real life alcoholic. It's bad. I'm also a real life hermit these days. I do not hang out with friends, I've basically lost all of my friends except my close ones from college. I'm just killing myself here and can't stop it. I really would like to come back to this forum and just talk about my problems. Even if people don't care, just talking to the computer and putting it out there makes me feel so much better about my goals to stop drinking. That was the best couple months of my life.

I appreciate anyone listening. Tough to come back and continually admit you are a failure and you are actually worse off than before.

Welcome Pauladmits,

I see two good things, you're back on SR reaching out for help as you know you have a serious problem and you're still young. Time to turn things around before it really is too late. :)

Hi Paul :)

sorry you're still struggling, but it's good to hear from you again.

I'm not gonna suggest anything this time - I wanna know what you're prepared to do this time to change things? :dunno:

D

We are here, and listening. Best of luck.

Hey Paul

Welcome back to SR. It takes guts to admit you have a problem with drinking so well done on that and for not giving up. I would suggest that you simply keep an open mind about recovery. Its important to have a recovery plan rather than simply trying to white knuckle sobriety and being a dry drunk. Alcohol is simply a tool or coping mechanism to deal with underlying issues so you need to address those issues as well as trying to stay sober.

Take simple and small steps. One at a time. Try and figure out a recovery plan that works for you. My advice is to speak with a counsellor who specialises in addictions and see what they have to recommend. Remember to keep an open mind !

Stay close and post as much as you can !

Paul, sorry you're having a rough time but good to see you. I guess you're figuring alcohol and gambling are not working for you?

I hope you'll stick around. There is a way out.

Love from Lenina

This is such an awesome site. Thank you for the positive responses. I've been drinking over a fifth a day, been throwing up multiple times the last 3 weeks. I understand tough talk is necessary eventually but right now it's just great to have support. Thank you very much.

Great to hear from you and you know I'm trouble. Right now I won't go to AA and I won't go to rehab. But I will see a doctor or counselor about steps to stopping drinking. I've been drinking so long and reading so much that going cold turkey just seems like a disaster. But at the same time I use that excuse to keep drinking. So i will see someone.

Whatever you're prepared to do is a good thing Paul. Hopefully it will be enough :)

D

Hi Pauladmits, I've not been on this site many months but it's been a life saver for me.

I've reached out in my times of despair and just chatted, always got a response, albeit the different time zone we are all in. It's been a learning curve too, knowing people, normal people like me who live what seems a daily life, have the same problems.

It was good to know I wasn't alone and can share my fears, regrets, misgivings with some of the best people on the planet. I also share my good times too and try to help, chip in where I can, hopefully, positive.

For me, it's one day at a time, slow, I know, but fools rush in and I've done that many a time.

Hope it works for you this time, keep in touch with us all and the best couple of months of your life can turn into every month of your life being the best.

Take care.

Are you willing to at least go to detox for a few days? A fifth is an awful lot and cold turkey is definitely not an option, your alcoholism is far too advanced and you could have seizures and/or the DTs.

How does that process work? Can you tell then how many days you want to stay? I can take a week off from work. Where do I look for this?

It takes about 5 days. Call 211 or ask your gp about it and they will direct you to a medically supervised detox.
http://local.soberrecovery.com/Alcoh...horage_AK.html

Welcome back! I was actually thinking about your old threads a few days ago.
Call your doctor, the vomitting and amount you are drinking are not to be ignored.
They can give you the necessary tests and detox can take it from there.
You want to live your life, not exist in this alcohol hermit hell....don't kid yourself,drinking morning, noon and night is not high functionality.
I'm glad you came back.

welcome back paul. I agree with the others see your doc or arrange detox -it can be short term,7 days or so. I hope you find something that works for you as this is no life for anyone, let alone a young man in his 20s. I hope you get help before you lose everything

Welcome back, Paul :wave: It takes courage and character to admit to weaknesses - and courage and character to overcome them. You can do this. We're rooting for you! :ring:

Hey, Paul! It's good to see you again. It's been a while since i'v been here as well. I understand where you are. It's hard to see past the next few hours, nevermind making some lifetime commitment to never drinking again or going to X number of meetings a week or whatever. That's fine. We all have different starting points.

If I may, just offer you some advice to use or set aside as you like. One thing that has worked for me recently is to be honest with myself and others. I mean ruthlessly honest with myself. I am a good liar and I'm terribly gullible so if I lie to myself, I'll eventually believe the lie. That means, if I tell myself that I can drink, I will eventually drink. If I try to convince myself that I can have the relationship I want to have with alcohol instead of the relationship I actually have with alcohol, I'll drink. If I drink, I know I'll end up right back down the rabbit hole I've worked so hard to climb out of recently.

I can either enjoy my drinking or control it. Never both. I cannot change the immutable truth of my relationship with alcohol. It is what it is, not what i wish it could be. As long as i can accept that and embrace that truth every day, i have a good chance of staying sober. I attend AA meetings, have a sponsor and talk to other sober alcoholics but being honest and true to myself is at the core of my sobriety.

I believe that you have the capacity to be honest. Your journal here is proof enough of that. Start back at the beginning with honesty. The rest will come when you are ready to progress. We're here, as always. I believe in you and i'm very happy to see you again.

Welcome back, I remember you journaling your experience.

I can't say any more than what had been said. Take care of yourself.

"I understand that tough talk is necessary eventually but right now it's just great to have support."

I'm not sure what kind of "support" you are looking for. If it's support for you to continue on the path you're on, or support for you to try to achieve change using your prior methods, I for one can't help you with that.

And I wonder what "tough talk" means to you? Hearing things you don't want to? People suggesting methods that worked for them that you just don't want to try? People who care about you and your life telling you that you need help and you need to make changes?

I am trying to remember what the source of my arrogance and stubbornness was toward the end. I guess it was because I had a good job, nice house, kept up some of the outward appearances. I was still in deep trouble and ended help.

I think my stubbornness and arrogance were for the most part just denial and the addicted part of me protecting and preserving my entitlement to keep drinking.

It would be awesome to see you beat this thing. I believe you can do it. I do think that you will need to set aside some stubbornness and try some things you don't want to.

Glad you are back Paul