Moderation???
 

Hey

I am confident I can remain sober to my first check point of Sept 2014. Has anyone ever managed to drink again in moderation?

Has anyone thought like I am about the purpose and value alcohol brings If they started again.

Since I have given up the alcohol, I have lost purpose of why I needed it.

Kind regards

JO

I hope that you'll not only make it to September but that you'll decide to make no drinking your default setting.

This is a brief sample of all the threads I could find with moderation in the title.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...archid=5167958

The one common thread you'll find is that drinkers like us can't moderate.
If we could we wouldn't be here josafe.

I notice in your last thread you said 'Whilst I can drink in moderation, this simply wont work for me.'

what makes you think you can drink in moderation?

and if it 'doesn't work for you'...why are you thinking about it again?

D

Hi,

I think the important question is what caused you to pick up the drink in the first place. For me, it was a combination of very low self-esteem and severe anxiety disorder.

I tried to moderate back in September last year, only a few weeks sober after a detox. It worked for about two months. Then, I went out a couple of nights in succession for my birthday, and started to realise what I had been missing. This was far from a good thing. Fast forward to January, and my drinking had spiralled completely out of control. I was an anxiety-ridden mess, drinking nearly three bottles of wine a day for at least a week before I was admitted to a rehab centre for three weeks, where I underwent my second detox.

I have attempted to address the anxiety and low self-esteem, both inside rehab and out, with a combination of CBT, counselling and, at the moment, but I hope not indefinitely, medication as recommended by the doctor. I am still suffering, albeit to a lesser extent, and feel far from truly getting the upper hand on my condition.

Bottom line is: until I feel my reason for picking up in the first place is under control, I will not 'kiss that glass' again. This may be in a year, 5 years, or never. At the moment, I know it's the worst thing I could possibly do. Whenever I get the cravings and remember what I considered to be the 'benefits' of alcohol, I try and instead remember how desperately ill it made me, and the discomfort I had to endure detoxing to get better again. For me, it just isn't worth it.

As Dee has said, we must have sought solace in these forums for a reason.

Look after yourself,

Wendolene x

Didn't work for me. I managed it for over a year but then I hit a tipping point where the choice to drink was no longer there. When I say "managed" I mean I was able to keep it to 2 beers a night. Mentally though it's all I could think about. Before long I was taking the bed for a spin some nights. It simply became too hard to get the buzzes I got with two beers early on.

Btw, I had long term sobriety, so I thought my drinking problem had been tied more to immaturity (I stopped in my twenties) than actual addiction. Wrong. And stopping the second time around was way harder than the first time.

Moderation is not in the alcoholics dictionary. If it was we wouldn't become alcoholics in the first place

It just keeps getting worse. You have two options. Death and surrender. Sorry for being so morbid.

I know this, if I drink I CANT stop! I have tried moderation more times than I can remember, I cant do moderation, it is too dangerous for me to even try!

The part of me that likes to drink doesnt believe in moderation. I always chased the buzz

I got sober for a month the year before I got sober for real. It was a completely different experience. The first time all I did was stop drinking, I didn't change a thing except putting down the bottle. I felt deprived and cognizant the entire time of what I thought I was missing. Those 30 days seemed endless, it was like fasting. I was resentful of everyone else who could drink, and felt like a little kid whose toy had been taken away.

This time I took a very different route. I enlisted the help of doctors, went away, removed alcohol from the house. I made it a very central issue in my life. These 11 months have flown. There were some murky weeks, and months 4 and 5 were scary because I felt so flat. But I pushed on, knowing that I was making the journey of a lifetime. I stayed connected here, I continued to see a therapist weekly.

The last few months have been some of the best in my life. Not because of any real external factors, but more because I have begun to find the girl I lost. You know the saying "go shopping in your own closet"? That is sort of how I could explain it. All of the good stuff was obscured by my obsession with alcohol. I have a visual of pulling wine labels off of my soul everyday revealing the authentic me underneath.

For me, having a date in the future that I would even consider drinking again would totally change my state of mind. You know the person who keeps looking over your shoulder when you are speaking to them searching for someone else? That would be me, involved but not really committed. Instead I am fully engaged with what is in front of me, and my understanding of what I was giving up in order to cling to something that was hurting me deepens daily.

Most of us have had periods of extreme focus in our lives. Studying for a huge exam, or training for an athletic event, or going on a major diet before our class reunion. That sort of modified behavior with an end date in mind is usually radically different than our day to day life. We can do it for a period but we expect to revert back to our regular habits once we achieve our goal. I think approaching sobriety like that makes it really difficult. I had to understand that I was integrating a complete life altering decision that would give me the best chance for the life I want.

Getting sober this time has created the sense of moving away from the bottle and all it represented. If I had an end date in mind, I would feel like I was moving towards the bottle, it would be a totally different experience.

Moderation was a no go for me too, it just doesn't work.

I really needed to read that jaynie04, thank you! Until I accept that I can never ever drink again I'm always going to be thinking about booze. I'm slowly understanding that there is no other option for me. I have to accept the fact that I can never drink again. I was sober for 5 months while I was training for a marathon and I knew I was going to drink after the race was over. I think I was more excited about drinking at the end of the race than I was about finishing the darn thing! Twisted!

@jaynie....very well put, thanks

On reflection alcohol didn't bring any purpose or value to my life, it aimed to destroy it.

Moderation isn't something I can do either, I didn't drink 1 or 2, I drank until I blacked out, but a gap in drinking through Sobriety hasn't in some way healed or cured me, if I had a drink now, I would again drink until I couldn't drink anymore.

The end result would be the same as my brain hasn't changed in any way, the only thing I'm doing is not opening that door and giving it a chance to run riot by picking up that 1st drink.

It was all pretty said up the line.

But think about it. If you had a problem with drinking before, what makes you think you won't again?

Moderation is like going to the shallow end of the pool because you don't want to be wet anymore.

Moderation= Disaster

I tried moderating 5 years ago.
And it was nearly 5 years before I climbed back out of the bottle.

If that's the case, why not keep it that way instead of trying to re-find that "purpose"?

Non alcoholics drink in moderation most of the time.

Alcoholics not so much lol

If I could moderate, I wouldn't be an alcoholic and I wouldn't be on this forum right now.

Agreed. Perfectly put and great advice.

I tried and failed too many times to moderate my drinking. It was easier to give it up completely than to try to moderate. Besides, I'm happier sober. :)

Well, I had my 2 longest sober periods while pregnant with my 2 children. I would have called my drinking "heavy social drinking" at that time. I knew it was too much to be healthy, but not dependancy. It was no issue to give it up for the pregnancies.

After my second child, I really noticed how quickly, once I returned to drinking wine, that 2 glasses did not give me the buzz I wanted. My tolerance was right up there very quickly. So, we chase the feeling of the buzz, even if only a light one, which is my preferred feeling. Our bodies just do not get anything from moderation.

I see very clearly now I can never stop at 1-2 drinks. I have made that deal with my self time and again in the past couple of *years* and only succeeded a few times, typically when I had something going on and had to limit myself and went to bed early or something. Not like I ever had one and went on with my evening as usual. Once the bottle was uncorked, it was going to be empty, and that happened faster and faster of late as well.

If you get to September, why start drinking again? You will have gotten it out of your system and regained so much health. I deeply regret thinking moderation was a good idea after I had almost 5 months sober. I was very happy and comfortable with the sobriety, enjoying my best heath in years. Now, I have been fighting the fight for the last 3 years trying to get back total sobriety. I get a week, a month, a few days, rinse repeat.

Moderation does not work for me. My tolerance has gotten so high that a whole bottle of wine feels just right, or not quite enough, and that is absolutely very unhealthy drinking for one's body.

Yep - says it all. Interestingly I was chatting with my elderly dad yesterday. I told him I am 'on the wagon' without going into details. He reminded me when I was a kid and how heavy a drinker he was. We lived in Hong Kong - a very boozy expat culture (and where I got a taste for it at a very early age!). I suspect he drank 'problematically' out there and then a bit later in life he drank three two four pints of homemade beer every night. It didn't seem to do him much hard back then and now he has a double whiskey and water every night at the age of 88! So I guess he 'moderated' after a fashion, but I also have a memory of him not drinking at all when he didn't have the opportunity. I think he could take it or leave it, which most of us here can't.

My father was a healthy, moderate drinker. My mother was an alcoholic drinker.

Dad had exactly 2 beers every Saturday night, one or two whiskey and gingerales on Christmas Eve. He would have a couple of beers at a BBQ, or on Thanksgiving. That was really it. And he could not understand alcoholics. He was even able to moderate cigarrette smoking! Late in life, we all chuckled at his big Saturday night. 2 beers, 1-2 hot dogs for dinner, and 1-2 cigarrettes. Just not an addictive personality at all. Being very addicitve to food as well as alcohol, and even relationships when younger, it boggles my mind how easy that was for him.

Moderate, "normal" drinkers, just do not think much about it at all. I just don't think we can do that.

"Has anyone ever managed to drink again in moderation?"

Just asking this question on this board shows that you already know the answer. Without exception - every single answer you get here will be a resounding "NO". Just look at your audience? We're a bunch of alcoholics hanging out on a sober recovery forum - crikey.

If you were really wanted someone to answer "Yes" you'd be asking this question at a bar.

And yes, we all can feel without purpose during recovery. I admit that even with two years sober I still feel lacking in motivation at times. But drinking won't make it better, and while I don't want that to be so, even trying to tell myself I might be wrong and could drink again in moderation, deep down I know that I've got to work on myself and not look for the answer in a bottle.

Well done on the time you have and keep asking questions.

It's like that big nasty biker I dated with all the swastika and hate tattoos. At the time, I thought it was love. It wasn't until I got away and stayed away for a while that I was honestly like "What is the hell was I thinking??!!" Where I thought there had been redeeming qualities, there were none. Where I thought there had something good for me, truth was there was nothing at all good for me. Much of what I thought was good had been completely fabricated in my mind. I would not dream of going back there now that I see clearly.

Distance brings clarity.

Alcohol is a smokescreen...for me, it's my fat nasty biker. No thank you. :)

Before I came to SR, I spent a lot of time trying to count drinks, searching for how much a moderate drinker could drink, how to moderate, etc. Needless to say, I was never successful for any extended period of time. Maybe for a day or two, but anyone can moderate for one day. Eventually I always lose control. Some people can moderate, but they don't need a support network to do it, they just moderate naturally and don't want to drink every day and don't have more than one or two drinks. That's not me, and I knew I was getting into trouble the first time I drank alone many years ago. As soon as the booze hits my brain, it changes I want.

"the purpose and value alcohol brings"... It brings a lot of pain. There's nothing I can't do without alcohol, though my brain tries to trick me into thinking I need it.

For me, I'm tired of not knowing when the next time will be that I will get out of control drunk. I'm tired of obsessing over alcohol, trying to count drinks, and feeling like hell when I lose control. I worry about what could happen the next time I drive and that I will ruin relationships and my health. For me, that is what moderation is. I can stay in control for a short period of time, but inevitably all hell breaks loose. I want off that roller coaster.

One of the things I found searching for tips on moderation a while back was this guys blog: An Alcoholic's daily Struggle | Just another WordPress.com weblog 5 years worth of journal, and a desperate attempt to moderate and control drinking. As Dee pointed out, there is a lot of those stories here as well. I don't think it's worth it.

this topic is really baffling.....

Having spent decades in various (many unconscious) attempts to 'moderate' and then a couple years directly trying to 'moderate' and then getting totally sober for almost six months then going back out and trying to 'moderate' and failing miserably and looking back on a 25+ year history of rich and stunning examples of just how NOT MODERATE my drinking has been.....

Here I sit, at nearly 5 months sober, still having thoughts about "MAYBE BEING ABLE TO MODERATE".

This is the most ridiculous and puzzling thing about drinking's effect on the minds of we who have the addiction gene.. or whatever it is. This stubbornly-persistent thought that we might somehow be able to do it NEXT TIME.

We share common traits; we're strong, we're smart, we're creative, we're emotional, we're caring, we're committed and persistent..... and maybe it's all those traits that play right into our thinking that somehow, one day, if only we're just strong enough, smart enough, creative enough, emotional enough, caring enough, committed and persistent enough.... MAYBE WE CAN JUST DRINK LIKE OTHER PEOPLE.....

it's madness. that's what it is. madness.

(and yes, even as I was typing that a small echo of that voice in my head was saying; 'well, maybe.....')

:ring

Sadly, Freeowl, I identify very strongly with your post.

I'm really not a fan of the thinking "Normal people moderate, alcoholics cannot".
It gives an impression that moderation is good and there is something inherently different between us and "normal people".

Guess what folks, I am an alcoholic, and I was able to successfully moderate my drinking for years. I even wrote a blog about how how having a drink or two a day can be healthy for you. It's a crock, a golden goose, a fairy tale! Alcohol is a poison, your body and mind doesn't need it or want it. I can confidently say that nothing good comes from moderation. You're just walking on the edge inviting a fall over the side of the cliff. This goes for all "alcoholics" and "normal people".