Apology.....
 

I recently posted a very nasty post. I am sorry I did that. I have a lot of empathy for addicts....ones that relapse, I feel if they keep trying, they will be sober one day if that's what they want. Those struggling with sobriety, God bless them. But those normies that are affected by addiction by a lying, cheating, stealing addict...those are the posts that bring me to tears. When I read those kind of posts, it feels like a knife in my heart. Those are the posts that turn my anger to the addict. I understand the lengths one will go to to get their drug, but it's hard for me to excuse their horrible behavior. I find it difficult to tell myself, they are just addicts and that is why they act the way they do. Addict or not, you are still responsible for the destruction you bring into someone's life.
This does not excuse my recent hateful post. I have no excuse. I am sorry and I hope that is accepted.

I will try harder to :a213:

Raider, we are human. Don't beat yourself up. I can relate to you, though. I also get so frustrated with people who excuse their nasty behavior because of their addiction. I believe that when you do something terrible under the influence, you cannot fully say "It wasn't my fault. I have a disease." We all know that although alcohol / substances can change the choices you make (or don't make), you are still you. You must be held accountable. For example, if one hits their kids / spouse while under the influence. You cannot complete excuse that based on the substance. I just don't think that is right! We can't just get a 'get out jail free' card due to our "disability". Again, don't beat yourself up. xoxo

PS, how are you doing these days?

Good. Thank you. 80 days....

I didn't see your post but I wouldn't fault you. Even tho I'm an alcoholic I have a brother in law who is taking down other people and refuses to help himself due to his addiction. I can't stand him. I could even say I hate him and wouldn't shed a tear if he died tomorrow. Nothing on here offends me anyway and I'm sure most people would say that. We're all human and have all sorts of feelings.

Woot!!

Didn't see the post. Luv 'ya, Raider.

80 days - woot, woot, WOOT.

I saw your post Raider and I must say , it did catch me off guard - harsh, but true. Maybe used a AK40 when a knife might have done the job - LOL. But I do agree with the principle of your post. We, as addicts shouldn't expect people to "get it" that we're a "new person" because we've had days, or a few weeks of soberity. That's just not even logical and to attack them for "not getting it" shows our self-centeredness. The people we've hurt deserve compassion and kindness for the abuse we've inflicted upon them. Now, if you've been clean for a year or more and the story hasn't changed, well that might different, but trust has to earned again once we've abused it. Responsibility starts at Home, with ourselves.

Raider,
You are growing so much these past few months and is reflected in your posts. I think some peoples addictions take them far past their own moral code. I do not believe that who my XAW is now is who she really is anymore. I knew her before she started drinking and want to believe that is who she really is not what she has become. I do believe this is a family disease and how we codependents respond usually contribute greatly to the problem. I have done and said things in anger that I deeply regret. I told my ex once to go ahead and pour some alcohol down her throat and destroy some more families (and she had through infidelity) because that is what she does best. I knew when I said it that it would hurt her and that is just cruel. I know the root problem is the alcoholism but my response was immature and hurtful. Yes the family does hurt and sometimes really bad but most of us (not all) have the ability to leave. Sometimes we choose to stay because we are getting something within us filled even if we do not want to admit it. In my case it has taken me quite some time and distance to see things for what they really are. I can tell you that the RA's that I meet at open AA meetings are some of the best people I have ever met. Their understanding of the addiction, devastation surrounding it and compassion for the people impacted by it has been a huge part in my healing.

A recovering alcoholic having a meltdown? What....................
(didn't see your post so maybe meltdown isn't the right word)

So proud of you for making it this far Raider. You are ahead of my at 80 days. I felt totally justified in my meltdowns.

I didn't see your post but can understand and just want to say your heart is in the right place, you are supportive and you are human so don't beat yourself up. I've read things lately on here that make me want to tear my hair out in frustration. When that happens I either write something nasty and then erase it or just get out of the thread and figure that someone who can give kinder, gentler feedback will come along.

I do agree that people need to be aware of the affects their addiction has on those around them and not get angry with the non addict spouse or partner if they aren't so willing to jump in and trust right away just because the addict says they quit. My husband is also an alcoholic with addiction thrown into the mix. Every time he quits he promises that this time, it is different. I've heard so many promises that he quit, trust him, this time it is for good, never again that I would be rich if I got a dollar for every promise made and broken. We all have to keep in mind that it takes time to trust again. On both sides.

Keep going Raider! 80 days is great. Did you go around the world in that time?

Anyone who reads through your 2000+ posts knows you have a big heart Raider.
Don't beat yourself up over a misstep that isn't even on the boards anymore.

Congrats on your 80 days :)

D

Not to worry!! . . . there's a time for gentle posts and there's a time for stricter posts, it depends on what the response is in relation to, and sometimes things can be said that aren't maybe appropriate.

But like Dee highlighted, I think 1 out of 2000+ is not a bad percentage!! :)

I didn't see it Raider but we all have a bad day now and then. You look absolutely awesome in your avatar, you really do.

Raider, we're all learning as we go.

That's why we're here. :)

I saw it Raider - and I knew what prompted it. You are loved here. Good of you to want to make it right. :hug:

Nothing you said was untrue. Us addicts are so self centered we all need a smack up the side of the head from time to time and that includes me

I think treating addiction as a mitigating factor in harming other people can be taken too far, and is demeaning to the addict because you dehumanize someone when you excuse immoral acts. I didn't see your post but I don't entirely disagree with the sentiment you seem to have expressed.

There is something very important that I learned from being one of those lying, cheating, stealing addicts/alcoholics...apologies and forgiveness. I have made amends to those that matter and I carry that with me. Sometimes my mouth works before the brain processes the consequences, it is another part of my alcoholic mind/impulsive behavior.

Speaking of, I made a stupid remark the other day and actually called the person today to apologize for my inappropriate sense of humor. They didn't seem to think it was a big deal but it had weighed heavily on me.

Raider, your positive motivation has kept me smiling and in the game sometimes. I think we all have said or thought some things too. If I ever act stupid again, I would liked to be slapped with reality not petted with kitten gloves or Fuzz gloves in your case! I am not the victim, do not pity me, I caused all the pain and suffering in my own life...and then I fixed it all too.

Congratulations on your sober success, you are an amazing woman!!

I hate when I post something before back spacing lol.

And then wait to long to edit. Then get in trouble :)

Then I hide for a few days before posting again lol

:wild

I didn't see your post but don't beat yourself up Raider. We are human and I know in the early days I used to get quite annoyed over things too. It does ease in time

Congrats on 80 days-you are doing so so well :)