A few sober observations-117 days
 

Happy to say that this is the longest time I have been sober since I started drinking 20 years ago! I quit before for 3 months 7 years ago but I quit for other reasons then I did this time. One thing that I am noticing lately is my ability to make decisions. When I was drinking I was incapable of really thinking things through or even bothering to. I really was just fixated on trying not to be insane. It always felt like fight or flight. Also, as a drunk I became terribly isolated and insecure about myself and felt like my voice didn't matter. Now I feel like I am actually thinking again and am discovering that I actually have opinions. Before it was as if making excuses was my default setting and now I am feeling like I deserve more then what I used to ask of myself. It's such an unfamiliar feeling however it's a good feeling. One thing I really knew when I was drinking was that I was emotionally stunting myself. I had completely stopped growing or learning or observing or challenging myself and lived in constant fear and shame. Everyday has is ups and downs and it's still a rollarcoaster, but less so than the day before. It's actually really quite a miracle to me when I think back the hell I was in.

Well done cusper. You are exactly correct, it is surprising how much drinking actually suppresses our lives mentally, emotionally and physically. I know how much smoother my life is when i am not walking around in a drink induced haze.

Congratulations and thanks for the great post, I agree, mental clarity is one of the greatest benefits of sobriety!

Thank you for the insights Cusper its great to hear how things will improve after recovery!

Great post, Cusper. I relate to it. Decision making and planning were also some of abilities that got seriously harmed by alcohol during my worst times in the last ~2 years before quitting. For me this effect was one of the most disturbing because these, plus independence, were some of my strongest abilities before drinking became a serious problem... Can't say that I feel like my old self after ~2 months sober now, but I do hope it's coming - having more and more moments of clarity and strength now.

Congrats on your sobriety and progress, that's fantastic! :)

Great post. I am struggling with the same exact issues night now.

Its very encouraging to see that the isolation, anxiety and indecision starts to melt away after time. I hope to follow your path and get out of the rut that I put myself in. Thanks for sharing specifics rather than the usual 'life is wonderful now'.

Well said, thanks for the insight. Wishing you peace.

Well done cusper, and thanks for the inspiration.

Congratulations - you are an inspiration!

Congratulations Cusper :)

D