people tell me I'm not an alcoholic
 

But on those screeners where they say that if you answer yes to 3 or 4 symptoms you have signs of a problem, I always say yes to at least half. And what I know is that I've tried and failed to quit or control my drinking hundreds of times over the past 15 years. I don't drink every day, but when I do I crave it and I generally lose control. I can occasionally have just a few drinks, but it's usually because of circumstances not of my choosing or embarrassment at wanting more than everybody else, and I sit there thinking about wanting more. But even if I go a few sessions without going off the deep end, a black-out session is always around the corner. My hangovers are getting worse and worse, and I've noticed that for several days after I have what I'm starting to think must be mild withdrawal symptoms... I feel extra anxious and crave-y and can't sleep or concentrate on anything. So the last year or two of my drinking life (because I actually drink fewer days a week now than I did when I was younger) has been a cycle of binges and feeling crappy for a few days and failed resolutions and more binges.

I guess the label doesn't matter too much really, but it's hard to seek help when a part of me is saying "this is all in your head, you're overreacting, seeking attention." I'm a [mostly] recovered bulimic, and when a therapist first told my mother that I had an eating disorder, her response was basically that, so I've got some issues around this I guess.

I just opened up to my boyfriend the other day, and while he also felt the need to insist I wasn't an alcoholic, he also recognized that I might have a problem that requires complete or near complete abstinence. He even talked me out of my overambitious plan to hang out with a friend who loves to drink/pressure me to drink ON ST PATRICKS DAY while not drinking myself... maybe a little too much for a beginner, ha.

I haven't had anything since Sunday (so now 5 days sober!), following a vacation which involved daily drinking. (Only one black out night, though, which was sort of impressive.) I'm coming up on about as long as I ever go without a drink, so I'm not quite sure what to expect from here, but I have at least gotten past the worst of the immediate crappiness that usually comes when I stop.

Sorry this is awful long. I've found a lot of strength just reading these forums the past few days, so I guess I want to jump in and try to commit myself that much more by participating a little bit.

Hi and welcome gracette :)

If you're anything like me then you hang with some pretty seasoned drinkers - noones going to tell you you have a problem there.

It's always easy to find someone worse than us and say 'well I'm not that bad'.
It was easy for me to come off a bender, take a few days to feel ok and then think 'well I feel great now, I haven't wanted a drink in 3 days - I must be overreacting'

I'd encourage you to post here regularly - it's much harder to convince yourself everything's ok when it's right there before you in black and white.

why not join our Class of March thread too?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-17.html

D

Call it whatever you want, but you indicated that you consistently drink more than you want to, feel bad about it, and have negative consequences from drinking. That would be enough for the average person to stop.

These issues almost never get better over time.

Ok, never.

Quitting now might just be a healthy decision, or it might mean you nipped a really horrendous addiction in the bud. Either way, you win!
:)

Thanks Dee, that's definitely true. My bf is one of the few close relationships I have had with a non-heavy-drinker, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised that he was one of the first to actually be supportive of me quitting drinking.

Thanks for the link to the Class of March thread, what a great idea.

Yeah, I think what I'm struggling with is that I've tried to quit for health reasons so many times before... like when my liver function test came back abnormal, that was a big scare, but the "cutting back" didn't last. I think there's something about admitting you might have a problem, which I resisted for so long (and actually was diagnosed as alcoholic by one counselor, which made me so angry at the time, but now I suppose I should go back and thank her now for forcing me to consider the idea).

I guess "step 1: admit you have a problem" isn't exactly ground-breaking stuff, but I'm starting to see the power in it :)

It's wonderful that you're here, Gracette. There is so much love and support to be found.

Welcome to SR, gracette. I think that you will like the March class. I am part of the February class and find it so helpful.

The March class rocks! Please join us!

Welcome gracette. Congrats on the 5 days.

Like Dee said take a look at the March 2014 Class thread. Lots of us who are recently sober in there.

Yeah, I was a pretty functional weed addict and people told me I obviously didn't have a problem because I smoked a relatively small amount, I could "manage" life and "achieved so much" etc etc. It doesn't matter what other people say because they're not the ones who have to live with that feeling inside. I'd say that if you're here looking for help, your drinking is an issue for you and people here will support you, no matter how "big" or "small" your drinking problem is.

I also had eating disorders and panic attacks as a teenager. A therapist told me I was just doing it for attention and that no-one was going to care enough to save me and I only had myself. I left infuriated and never returned. It took me many years to see what she was trying to do (albeit insensitive) - make me realize it was only me who could pull myself out of the nose dive. Thankfully I did - got obsessed with nutrition in a healthy way (researched which nutrients came from which foods and why our bodies need them etc).

Besides, the "attention" I was seeking was just a bit of emotional support and guidance, that's not so bad is it?

Many people will say you are not an alcoholic because if they acknowledged that you were, they would have to take a good hard look at their own drinking. This makes them uncomfortable.

They don't have the "problem" to resolve , you do .

If drinking is a problem stop drinking :)

Once i'd stopped drinking i've been learning how to deal with life sober and life has been a lot better . It has it's up's and down's , that life but i've never regretted giving up and staying that way . The best decision of my life :)

Keep on :You_Rock_

m

Labels are useless. If you don't want to drink then stop.
If you have trouble stopping on your own, that may be a sign.
If you still don't want to drink, then seek help through AA.
If you want to continue drinking then you will.

Gracette... you sound sooo much like me.

People tell me I'm not an alcoholic either. I have good days where I can moderate but then I have bad days too.

I also have issues with food.

One other thing about being an alcoholic.

No one else could see or feel the obsession in my mind that I had to drink.

Only you know in your own heart what's going on upstairs.

I work with hard drinkers. My job expects I take out customers to get them drunk. Nobody thinks I have a problem but that's because my tolerance is through the roof. I never let myself get fall down drunk in public. I regularly see guys put down more drinks than me, yet I always feel horrible regret and physical issues after drinking. Just because those around you don't think you have a problem with alcohol, that doesn't mean it's true.

Welcome gracette xxxxx

So there are people like me. - Those that don't necessarily need a drink everyday but still want to stop drinking.

I feel this is an appropriate place for me to vent. I've now been about 7 weeks without smoking the green. Unfortunately, I turned to drinking more alcohol to compensate. It was a good few weeks having at least one drink per day which is pretty mild but enough for me to feel attached to it.

The turning point for me was a couple of months ago having yet another blackout and embarrassing myself. I've stopped smoking and drinking in the past for a couple months at a time. It never left me feeling much better but I think I've come to the conclusion that not drinking outweighs and benefit of drinking.

The last two weeks I've only had a total of around 6 drinks in 3 sessions. The horrible part is the insomnia (was already bad after quitting weed).

I've lurked these sort of forums in the past but never had the courage to reply. So here I am. About an hour ago I went for a walk out. Wanted to find some live music somewhere but couldn't. Walking home started to feel anxious as a panic attack started - HUGE ache in the heart/chest, one of the worst I've had.

I really don't know what to do about my social life. It just plain sucks. I've been avoiding people mostly due to anxiety and the fact that ALL my friends drink or smoke to some degree. It's just the normal thing for people my age (20's) living in a city to do - that is go out or go to parties and drink!

I feel bored as which no amount of movies or books is going to alleviate. I've still been going out to pubs for comedy shows, live music, meals but just drinking a coke/water.

I just feel so alone because when I think about it 80% I spend with friends is to go out drinking! Also I almost feel like I'll never get laid again (I'm single). It's just I have never had sex while sober!

gracette, welcome!

Don't worry about lengthy posts, pour it out, we are all here to listen.

The above from your post is the AV (addictive voice) and it speaks to all of us in the same manner no matter how bad it is. It makes everything minimal in order to validate that we should drink.

As far as people telling you that you don't have a problem I heard the same from a few people. People who didn't really see me when things were bad. We reserve our worst for people who are like us because we know that there won't be judgement. Family members who we almost know won't walk away.

You've come to the right place. There's a tremendous amount of support here.

Read, read, read, and post, post, post!

I know the feeling. I'm not a "gallon of vodka a day" drinker but I still have a problem. People see that I'm successful and eat well and don't bother me about it. My drinking friends don't care. Still think it would be helpful to quit.

Why is this sooooo true?!? Anything I ever get invited to has drinking involved.

Everyone's like "we went out and got so wasted last night!" Or "lets go to happy hour before work".

It's a mad world we live in guys. Just remember that we wake up sober and happy and they wake up tired and cranky

I have found normal drinkers do not take questionnaires or really give serious thought to whether they have a problem or not.

be honest with yourself and I think you'll find the answer

Welcome to the family, Gracette and Slowburn. I'm glad you joined us. :)

Everyone I know who drinks (and who I've talked with about not drinking) thinks I was a normal drinker and can't relate to my desire to be sober now.

But I was no longer happy with my lack of skill regarding moderation, and how I felt physically, psychologically, and spiritually after binging. I felt stuck and wanted a healthier lifestyle. That was enough for me.

I didn't need to hit a low bottom to convince myself I wanted to change.

Welcome Gracette,
Not everyone falls in the same category and if it helps someone to do use a label, great. If it doesn't, don't.

I can only share about me. But if it helps someone. Great. I didn't really hit a rock bottom. I was one of those who didn't really developed a strong physical addiction. Years and years of drinking that in all reality wasn't getting less but getting more but I found myself living a sad up and down existence. Always letting myself down. Spending a lot of time wishing I didn't drink but always ending up doing it again. Over and over. Not everyday but plenty of days.

It still sucked. None of us were living the way we wanted to drinking regardless of what we called ourselves.

What I have found is at least for me, it's one or the other. I either drink and get mediocre or worse or don't drink and work on having the best life I can. Can't have it both ways. Took me awhile to accept it but I did.

Now I look back and wonder what the heck I saw in it. Stupid mind altering life wasting liquid. The farther I get away from it...as in drinking it...the more useless it looks to me.

Just me. I know it can be different for others. But that's what's great about SR. One big helpful world of being able to share with people who understand.

Welcome! I hope you find what you need to live your best life.

Thanks so much for this, I almost started crying because of how much I recognized myself in what you wrote. And you're right, what matters is figuring out how to live the best and healthiest life that I can, and what's becoming clear to me is that staying sober is an indispensable part of that.

All the welcoming and support is really overwhelming, you guys are amazing.

Yeah, from what I understand it's fairly common (especially for women) to have both eating and substance abuse issues.

Sorry if this is off-topic but have you ever checked out Geneen Roth? Her writing/workshops were really helpful for me.

Hey slowburn, glad you decided to post!

Re: social life, I definitely anticipate that being one of the hardest parts of staying sober. Is there anyone you know who drinks/parties less than others? They might be good to ask for help, maybe tell them what you're doing and see if they can join you sometimes. I don't really have any answers but I feel your pain.

On the flip side, I guess that since I'm in my 30s now and feel like I've been doing this for so long, there's also a part of me looking forward to nights with my friends that I can actually remember afterward. If there are people who push me too much to drink with them (which I suspect there will be), then maybe they're not people I really need to worry about keeping as friends.

Hi Gracette,

I also think you are in the best position to stop drinking now before it takes over too much. It may be hard to accept this at your current stage, but please do believe the stories many people tell here, who have been further down on the road of addiction. It can get very nasty and the longer one waits the more difficult to beat it. I wish someone told me my drinking was not healthy 10 years ago when it was mainly social binge drinking... but they did not because like in your story, most of my friends drunk and considered that the normal way of being. Of course most of them never lost control later and are still normal drinkers. But I agree with everyone that when a person starts to question their drinking habits or feels badly about them, that's a sign something is getting out of control...

Btw, I have also struggled with both eating disorders and drinking. I've found the obsessions quite similar and often one would start to dominate more when we try to control the other. The good news is that many of the recovery tools that can target one of these problems can also be effective on the other since they are biologically similar mechanisms.

gracette and jade,

I think the key here might be to find some new hobbies that don't revolve around drinkers ( I mean I will still like to enjoy music venues and comedy shows ). We need to look at something that will interest us and where we can meet new people that won't pressure us to drink.

I'm looking at taking up dancing and swimming. If I can justify it by not drinking as well as spending less money on those activities than booze, I think it will be worth it.