Is anyone working on stopping drinking and codependency at the same time?
 

Day 11 of sobriety. I also started doing co dependency work about 9 months ago. It feels like all my crutches are being taken away and am nervous on trying to figure out how to live a healthy life. has anyone/ is anyone going through this?

jenny - It wasn't particularly alcohol, but yes...I took on addiction and codependency at the same time.

I started with alcohol - I was with an alcoholic - treat him (couldn't) or join him (did). Things got worse, we split up and I went into harder drugs.

Somewhere along the way I found SR, lurked for years. Got drawn to the friends & family forums and found I really felt "at home" there - I was a codie before I was an addict (A).

Long story short - hit bottom, turned to SR and leaned strongly on the F&F (friends & family), though read mostly, stayed clean (thanks to other threads) and I am one of the many "double winners" here - addiction and codependency recovery.

It's not easy, but I will tell you that I wouldn't be coming up on 7 years in recovery if it weren't for my work on codependency. Am I perfect? No. Addiction-wise, yes, but codie? I have my slips, but I know to come back here and they don't last so long.

I hope you check out the F&F forums, ACOA (adult children of A's) if it applies....it really does help. FWIW, I "fit" in a few forums, but even those I don't fit in? I learn in all of them.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Yes, I'm a double winner. Now that I'm sober I really need to work on my codependency. They're very intertwined for me. I used to attend Al Anon and it was very helpful.

Kissimee - You bring up a good point - for me, also, the addiction and codependency were VERY intertwined. I've been to al-anon a few times and have some of the literature and it does help a lot, as do the loved ones here.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Double winner here too....I have been working on my co-dependency issues in individual counseling. I also read a ton. Hard to know which came first..the codependency or the alcohol. In the end, all that really matters is that I'm making changes in my life...for the better!

I have almost 15 months sober but the co dependency thing is a real struggle for me. At this very min I am sitting her trying to keep my mouth shut in regards to my daughters drinking. we agreed in therphy yesterday for 2 weeks I wouldn't say anything about her drinking and she would try not to drink and if she did she would come to me. She is drinking but my mouth is shut. wish me well. she lives with me along with her 2 daughters so makes it very hard but I will try anything at this point. I'm not sure where all my pent up mouth shut emoitions will go. thanks I didn't mean to take over your post.

It wasn't until I began recovery and started working on myself that I realized codependency issues were at the very heart and root of my drinking.

grandma - for both you and Jenny, there is a thread for friends & family of alcoholics (and another one for substance abusers) if you look further down the original page.

That's what I call the F&F (friends and family) - there are double winners there, there are family members who are torn apart, family members who have come out the other side.

It's a lot of help. I did a lot of reading there, at first. Heck, I lurked here for about 2 years. I dipped my toes in this and that forum, but I found home in the F&F. That's just me. I'm also very active in a few other forums.

My point is - read around, there are a lot of forums and some of us fit in more than one. Post if you have questions. Read the stickies (the permanent threads at the beginning of each forum - invaluable) and believe in yourself.

If you don't believe in yourself, join in here, let us believe in you until you believe in yourself. A lot of us have been in that position, including me.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

I am a double winner too and I attend AA and I have been a member of Al Anon since 2001. I do participate on the friends and family forum on SR too.
There is a thread I made a while back for those who are double winners. Like the others, my codependency and my drinking are very closely interweaved
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...loved-one.html

I do hate the term "double winner" :gaah 11 days sober and I feel like I haven't won anything. Probably crabby though- I only have been drinking for 7 months and feel like that was taken from me.

Well, it is only semantics to describe a sober alcoholic who works on not allowing their loved one's addiction to drive them insane.
Try to look at it that way: Double winner still sounds better than drunken codie whack job LOL

Touche ;). My exes weren't all addicts they were all however controlling and emotionally and verbally abusive. So maybe it doesn't fit. :c011:

****{hugs to you}} It is a tough road but it can be done. I hope you will read the thread on the link I posted. You can do it!

Thanks Carlotta!! Started reading it! !!

I'm in the same boat and am posting with thoughts of support. I see saw between working on my sobriety and co dependency issues. I started on SR by lurking on the alcoholism forums, spent time on family and friends forum and am hanging out here in the newcomers forum lately. It depends on where I most need support and lately it has been with the drinking. Or not drinking :)

I found the two really intertwined. Slow progress in untangling the mess but it is happening gradually. I attend AA and a few of the women I know in the program are also co dependent alcoholics who have more sobriety time so are good to bounce stuff off of.

I think a lot of women alcoholic do not fit the mold of the selfish white dude with a huge ego outlined in the big book but rather our drinking is a symptom of our codependency. We tend to be responsible caretakers and the tension will build, a tension that drinking can relieve: our little personal time that after all we earned considering how much we do for others.
One thing I like about the women for sobriety program (cannot attend because of schedule) is that it focuses on rebuilding our sense of self worth and acknowledging that we are strong and competent.