SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - Got really, really close to drinking today. But didn't.

I've been looking for a new job for a while now, I need a change of scenery. Now, I have horrible handwriting. It looks like a child's and it tends to be hard to read. Something I've known for a long time is that my handwriting improves if I have a few drinks (not sure why). For this reason I like online applications and emailing typed resumes, but this hasn't been doing too much for me so I decided to go out and actually harass places to see if they were hiring.

I dropped off 12 resumes, but found one place that needed someone quick. I hand them my resume but they hand me an application. "You have to fill this out". I tell them I'll be back in an hour. As I'm walking home I see a 7-11 and my first thought is "Maybe I should get just a little beer, so this application looks good. Plus, if I get an interview I"ll be nice and relaxed.". I started walking to the store when it hit me "what am I doing?".

I've been trying to practice AVRT and in this situation it helped me realize that I really didn't want a drink, my AV was just giving me excuses to drink. 1) If you hand in a sloppy application they won't take you seriously. 2) You will be more relaxed and people will like you. I stopped for a second and thought to myself. I could just hand them my resume too. It has a lot of information on it and they might just look that over, and I'm a likable guy. I've done plenty of interviews dead sober. I don't need a buzz to get a job. So I walked on home with no booze, filled out the application, turned it in with my resume. Manager wasn't even there.

I'm glad I didn't drink. Thinking about it now I would have walked by that same 7-11 and gotten more because its getting late to be dropping off applications and well, I have nothing to do. It just amazes me how the subconscious can create excuses to drink at times. I'm drinking right now.... a Gatorade. And I don't have to feel bad about that.