Fighting the Urge-relapse
 

I am a recovering alcoholic sober just over one year and lord only knows why today has been the biggest struggle for me i am having cravings so strong it feels like withdraw all over again, i text my friend and had her meet me at a local bar as i sat and waited for her in tears i contemplated ordering a beer or maybe a shot of tequila asking myself why, why now is this worth it? and all the while convincing myself that only a taste wouldn't hurt anyone but every part of me knowing better, feelings of hopelessness and worthlessness poured over me as i felt ashamed for even sitting on that bar stool lusting over something that assisted me in destroying my life and devouring most of the person i once was. it was then that i for no reason at all started praying that this urge for that deceitful poison would dissipate before i would give in to its calling and before i knew it my tears had dried and i realized that even though that evil was staring me in the face it was still my choice over who wins this war. i pulled myself together and started heading out the door when i heard the bartender call out hey! so i turned around and he said im proud of you stay strong! i thanked him for his kind world and left knowing that even though the crowd may be silent most of the game you still have a few out there rooting for you. so for me today was a battle but you have to remember to STAY STRONG AND NEVER STOP BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN YOUR ADDICTION!

Congrats on your year.

A lot of people go a bit wobbly at one year - I think it's long enough to forget our misery but often not quite long enough for life to get better?

I think support makes a lot of difference estervaun and you'll find that here :)

If you're struggling, making some changes in your life for a while can help - maybe it's best to leave the bars alone until you feel secure again?

find somewhere else to hang out instead?

D

I sit in a taxi all day. Boredom does take over at times. I try to keep myself busy. But my causes of relapse can be a mixture of all of the above.

Well done on 1 year :)

Congrats on one year.:You_Rock_ Looks like stress is a huge factor xxxx

Congrats on your sober year. :c011:

Well done on being free for a year. :You_Rock_

Congrats on a year! Sounds like you had a case of "what now?". I want to thank you for your post because I'm learning that I need to plan for the end of next May. Especially since it's going to fall around a long weekend and when everyone is having their beginning of the summer parties. Seems to be a common theme that this happens around anniversary points in time.

Interesting about the bartender. They have a job to do and as long as a person doesn't appear intoxicated their only business is to set that drink on the bar that you asked for. It was really refreshing to hear what he had to say to you. I'm glad that you made the decision that you did.

Congratulations on one year. I admire you!!!

Congrats! And, I can't pick just one of the triggers, I have all of them.

Estevaun,

You done yourself good and proud! Not always an easy thing to do. You did it!

Good job!

Thank you for your inspiring post, I admire your strength. Im three and a half months sober and have been struggling for the last few days and your post has helped me. As for the poll stress, anxiety and emotions are by far the biggest trigger for me, although boredom comes a close second.

I'm not glad your struggling. But to know that I'm not the only one with just over a a year struggling. Keep up the great work.

wow one year thats great

Wow. What an inspiring post.

Thank you for sharing your experiences (it already has helped me) and congratulations on one year of sobriety.

Hope to see some more posts from you. :)

I'm happy that your still sober. Reminds me of when I too got first birthday. For some reason all of sudden these thots of getting high on dry goods started relentlessly filling my head. Never had problem w them so 'twas strange & out of the norm. An old timer later told me its the alcoholic mindset that I've made a huge achievement so can try smthg diffrent since booze is out the window. Know it scared me so went more mtgs & did service work
You'll be okay, just hang around the winners

Self deception was what took me back out

For me anxiety (that my head makes up), external stresses less so.
Feeling good and accomplished, so I would reward myself with alcohol.
Wanting to escape from reality into bizarre fantasy worlds that, for some reason, often seemed much more appealing than anything else (I used drugs for this also when younger).

Congrats, Estevaun!

All the above and:

1. Bus being late
2. Someone not doing what I wanted
3. Something hot happening as I wanted it to be
4. Thoughts about the past
5. Projecting towards the future

And loads more.

I had to make huge changes inside to have a chance at long term sobriety. I chose AA.

Today is all we've got and today we can do anything.