Something is wrong this time around
 

This is NOT going well. Something is wrong with this quit attempt.
I am either not ready or....?
Last time I had a successful quit, I quit for 4 months. It was not anywhere near this bad.
It's like, I say I want to quit, it's causing issues in my life with energy and weight gain and not feeling healthy. But last time,in February, I had this HUGE determination and I was Ready.
I'm not feeling that way now. What does this mean? I mean it sounds ridiculous to keep drinking until I'm really ready?! I am so confused.
Last night was one of the worst nights. I had decided I wanted to drink with our movie. It went like this...
I said "Honey, will you go get me some wine" (sweet smile)
Him " Nope! You don't need that stuff, you were just saying how your face looked so much better this morning"
A little later "Hmmm I really wish I had some wine right now..."
Silence.
Him "You know you get anxiety the next day"
Me, exasperated, and craving bad "That's when I go overboard!!"
Him "uh-uh" shaking his head.

So now I realize he is flat out refusing. (Its not that I wouldn't go get my own, me asking him is kind of my way of asking his permission and wanting him to agree its OK)
And I realize I am going to start crying because I am so so so so mad that he is not letting me drink!!
This is in the middle of a MASSIVE late evening crave. My emotions are everywhere and I feel like a little kid and I can't help it.
Totally out of character for me, I snap at him for wanting me to put the movie in, then tell him I dont even want to watch it!! So there!! (I thought)
Pout. I storm into the kitchen and make a double strength Kava tea and consider slamming the 2 shots of vodka in the cupboard but, yuck,no.

I go and sit down and literally can not even look at him or I willl start crying. I try to eat a muffin and it gets lodged in my throat because there is such a big lump there.
I sit there giving him the silent treatment until he says "You're doing good hon, you look really good, you'll be so happy in the morning"
And I realize he is like, coddling a small child.
He actually goes and gets me a blanket for my lap and tucks me in and says " I want my wifey to be comfy!"
So he kind of felt a little bit guilty, but not really. It took me until right before we went to sleep to not be mad at him.


I don't want my quit to be like this. A yucky tense battle between husband and wife. There is no way my quit is gonna work with someone forcing me.

With my 4 month quit I had seen my doctor and got a rx for Klonopin and I think that's what I have to do.
My withdrawal symptoms are making me an absolute monster and I don't even recognize myself.

I don't even know what I'm trying to say. I guess I am giving up until January 17th. when I have my docs appt.

Sounds like he's trying to be supportive, but you aren't sure you want to quit. Why be mad at him for being supportive? Sounds like y'all had a nice evening planned, but you ruined it because he wouldn't go buy you some wine. Sorry to sound harsh, but maybe it seemed like he was talking to a small child because that's exactly what you were acting like?

You are doing really well and your self-awareness is great. Your hubby sounds like a prince making you all comfy :) You are just going through a bad time this time round, so stick with it because if you slip, next time could be even harder. It will get better.xxx how long have you ben sober this time, by the way?

So, you wanna wait until he takes a harder line?

That's exactly what happened. And believe me I am mortified, like I said, that was out of character for me. Last time I quit, these horrible mental/emotional symptoms didn't even happen.

I am on day 3.

Artic - Don't give up... I've fought with myself so many times I cant count. And right now have made it 42 days. It isn't my longest but it is getting close. That inner voice you heard before is currently being over powered by that AV that (for me) twists the truth and helps me justify why having a drink is an ok thing. I do believe it has to come from within and it sounds like you have that desire in you. All my past attempts have been strained between my wife and I so I can appreciate that too. This time I sat down with her and told her that I really needed her support and we talked openly. I was surprised how supportive she was when I opened up. My recommendation is sit and talk to your husband. I can only imagine from 'their side' what it is like. he wants to help you and my guess is he doesn't know how. Try and talk to him...reach out if you can. For me that is part of what is making this time different.

But know that you have the inner drive to stop... you can do it!!

Yes, you did explain that and you obviously feel bad. Let him help you. It will pass and he really seems to care xxx

Still early. Just battle it out, you will feel better in a day or two. You're probably still a bit foggy xxxx

I've got this happening too.
I quit for about three months and then gradually got back to my old place. Now I'm actually kind of apathetic.
I know in my head it's what I have to do and today is a big day one for me.

Congrats to your husband!!!! Sounds to me like he did just the right thing. I know he was a lot more civil about it than I would have been. My response would probably have been along the lines of "Get your own damn wine and don't try weaseling an approval out of me."
Of course that may be why I'm single! HA!
Good luck Arctic!

It's for sure not going to work with someone facilitating your drinking.

Welcome back Artic! I remember you from this summer. Sorry is rough going for you right now.

quitting gets harder and harder every time....

until you can no longer quit at all.

What is coming up for me is a question;

rather than 'quitting' - would you be able to reframe to 'accepting'?

Accepting sobriety as your life path.

I know, I know... maybe that sounds subtle and hokey and lame. But seriously.... the more we focus on something the more we get of it, and to me when we focus on NOT... when we focus on QUIT.... it just magnifies the importance of the thing and in terms of alcohol - winds up empowering our Alcoholic voice.

Are you ready to choose sobriety? If you are ready to choose sobriety and the goodness that it brings, then you're not quitting; you're embracing.

Cheers to your hubby for being so supportive.... he did the right thing. I'm sure he's on your gratitude list.

Right?

Hang in there.

:ring

You aren't a monster. You want to quit drinking. Your Addictive Voice wants to keep drinking. Your AV is the monster. Identify your AV next time and tell it to take a hike.

This is called "Progression", as in alcoholism is a progressive disease.

If you don't stop now, it'll only get worse, never better.

I've had similar 'conversations' with my husband.
He used to run out for me, and yes he was an enabler. I even put him in a bad position occasionally by telling him (before I started drinking) NOT to go out for me after I've had enough, and then of course I'd get angry when he said no. Ugh, I feel so bad (and embarrassed the next morning).

I think it's great that he is trying to help you stay sober. I do know the feeling though, it's very frustrating when you want him to say it's okay. I use to say to my husband 'Will you hate me if I drink tonight?' I needed his approval. It's an awful, depressing place to be. :(

Good luck, and hang in there, it will get easier. I'm only at 3 weeks and the AV has quieted a lot.

well ... hang in there... sounds like your husband loves you very much imo.

Alcoholism sucks.

Hope you are feeling better Artic. Can you explain the logic in starting to drink again so you can then stop again in a couple weeks? I don't know about you but I can do some serious damage I in a mere 10 days.

I used to resent any reference to my drinking by my wife, even before i started trying to quit. How dare she mention that I might have had a few too many?

Turns out I was dead wrong and listening to the alcohol. You don't have to listen anymore either..it's all lies.

I wanted to say the same, Scott. But all that came out is "alcoholism sucks."

In early sobriety your brain wants alcohol, but at the same time you know it doesn't work. You can't just have "a few." I know because I'm living it lol :)

You're not a monster, Arctic. Alcoholism is medically considered a chronic progressive disease as many have already mentioned.

That means it's always there and you just have to accept that you can't touch it. It sounds like your husband loves you very much and wants to help you.

Is it possible your doc would call in a script for you?

Hi Arctic, and welcome back! Was so happy to see a post from you. As I was reading your story I was feeling every emotion you were describing. I totally get what you were feeling. That total feeling of misplaced anger and frustration turning into tears and more frustration and anger. And embarrassment. That lump in the throat. Awful.

I've gone through this a few times now. Not with a husband but with people who were trying to be supportive of me but had absolutely no effin clue what I was feeling on the inside. They'd coddle me, trying to make it better, and instead I would want to scratch their eyeballs out. Even though I loved the person and knew, deep down, that they were trying to help.

I have quit twice and the first time was only for a month and a half but it was markedly harder (and more emotional) the second go around. I think the others are right that your emotions get more unstable as each time goes by.

But I also think what you were feeling was pretty natural. I sure have felt it, even in sobriety. Our emotions as alcoholics seem to be either all over the place or non-existent and it is very hard for people who don't have the same disease or issue with drinking to understand. It does even out. It does get better. Not immediately, maybe, but it does.

So, yes, try to have empathy for your husband but don't beat yourself up either. When you're not feeling all over the board maybe talk to him about it but don't get down on yourself.

Big hug and so glad you're back. You can totally do this thing!

I've also used this twisted logic during my drinking. On one of the many occasions I decided I was going to quit all by myself, I stopped, white-knuckled it for a few days and then happened to go to the doctor's surgery to get my antidepressants prescription. The doctor I saw that day took one look at my medical records and decided to refer me to an alcohol abuse counsellor. I kept quiet about my having already stopped because my AV was thinking "Great! I can start drinking again until I see this counsellor and then the counsellor will fix me and I can stop again."

So I started drinking again and come the day of the appointment I went to the counselling place but no one answered the door. Maybe I got the wrong address because my drinking had muddled my brain. I turned right around, walked to the nearest supermarket, bought some alcohol and went home and drank it. I didn't even try to quit again for another couple of years and when I did, I failed again and again because I was still trying to white knuckle it.

Arctic, please don't make the two mistakes I talk about making here. Instead 1) Stay stopped until your appointment so that you don't have to quit again 2) Get support in staying stopped, even if it's just posting regularly on SR.

Hi ArticaSA -

Good to see you again.

The tough news is that each time we go back to drinking, stopping is harder - emotionally, physically, etc.

On the positive, we have more knowledge about how to avoid triggers, our spouses are similar in a position to be able to be more supportive for our success.

At day 3, your close to getting out of the acute stage of recovery and you never have to go through it again if you don't give up now.

Ahhh! I am reading most of these messages this morning and i feel regret, regret, and more regret.
You are all so wise and kind.
I drank last night.
So many of your responses really make me think.
Is it true that each quit gets that much harder?? How do people do it? Because if it gets much harder than the past few days I don't know how anyone does it.
My logic for waiting the 10 days is that I can not cope with my withdrawal!
I am too weak.
No-one in my family deserves to have a wife and mother like that. I know, they dont need to have a hungover mother either, but really, I am more volatile when in early sobriety than when hungover.

BUT I KNOW none of that is actual logic and I KNOW that it is the disease talking!!

I am so frustrated, just thinking about the first few days of sobriety scares the crap out of me!
And how is my husband ever gonna believe me again when i tell him I want to get sober again after I coerced him into buying me wine last night!?
I hate myself. I am so weak.

Arctic, have you considered in-patient detox? I did that and highly recommend it if at all possible.

Thank you, I really like that. Not hokey at all, sits better with me.
Accepting sobriety as my life path. Love it.

It would be nice, but nope, not at all possible unfortunately.

I dont see a weak person at all, when I read your posts. I see a Wife and a Mother, who is trying to stay Sober and struggling.

May I make a suggestion, forget about everything before now and just concentrate on today. Just say to yourself, "Just for today and tonight, I wont have that first drink".

Print off a copy of this entire thread and show it to your Husband, let him see that you are trying so desperately hard. Hand over all of you cards and cash to him, key too if you need to and say to him, tonight, I am your prisoner.

You have to play your part. 1 day at time. Today and tonight, you must not drink. Don't think about the future or past failed attempts, its too much to take in. Stay in the momemt, stay in today, this hour and with your Husband.

TODAY AND TONIGHT YOU WILL NOT HAVE THAT FIRST DRINK.