day zero
 

Despite meetings, despite counseling despite the big book and family support.im failing miserably. I need support.

Whats happening animal nurse - why do you think you keep drinking?

D

I dont know!!!!!!! I resolve to not pick up.everythings ok on the surface.but not really ok underneath.but I bargain with myself to make it so I can drink.i dont know why can't ask for help.

I am the most secretive private person I lnow
but lately have the urge to post on fb 'im an alcoholic!!!!!!" why???

I think you'd maybe regret the posting on facebook - it sounds to me that, that would be a way of punishing yourself and would ultimately, lead to giving you more reason to drink? Just a thought.

It's hard as hell, in the beginning, but you've shown you really want to do this by posting here :) How about 'just for today' ? We're all here for you, you know :) Xx

PS. It IS a difficult time of year - everything falls flat after the excitement of the festive season but it's also the perfect time to quit - new year, new beginning. Not sure if any of this is helping?

because a part of you wants help I expect.

I found it really hard to reach out, and ask for help. I wanted to be able to solve my problems myself.

I also felt that reaching out to others made my problems more real, and thee was no turning back.

but I also didn't want to live my life another day the way I had neen so I learned to reach out for help, before and during trouble, not after.

you can learn too AN - there's a part of you that wants change - listen to that part :)

D

animalnurse, we're here for you. You mention meetings and the big book. I'm also a fiercely secretive and private person and I'm not close to many people in AA but I've found a few women there that I can trust and turn to when I'm feeling completely lost and have no idea how to get out of a hole. Are there any women in AA that you can talk to about this?

Thanku guys. I do want help.but I'm so scared to ask. I'm so embarrassed.i keep asking myself why I dont post here or contact someone when I want to drink. Even though I DONT really want to. Am I too far gone?????

Not yet Louise I'm so shy, I leave before I can talk to anyone properly .god how I would love to have real women friends!!!

I've only been to AA a handful of times, but I found that getting there early and chatting to women outside, a lot easier. Not once did I open my mouth in the room, except to say 'no thanks, i'll just listen'. The coffee break in the middle is also good for chatting ;) Xx

I know the feeling, animalnurse. I'm painfully shy. Even now I can barely go up to someone and introduce myself. I wait for people to initiate the contact with me. But I'm a lot better at making friends than I was, so it will come with time, and recovery.

I also used to leave straight after the meeting because I didn't want to be standing in the middle of the room by myself, with no one talking to me. What I eventually found helped me was staying behind after the meeting to help stack the chairs, or wash up the cups or help out in some other way. That got people talking to me without me having to just directly walk up to someone and introduce myself.

Also try really hard to share during meetings sometimes, as people will come up to you afterwards to comment on your share and give you encouragement and support based on what you've said.

Also, you're not too far gone. You're on here posting, which it great. Yes, following my last relapse I found posting on SR and reaching out for help here really helped me start putting together sober time. So definitely do post here the next time you feel like drinking. I know what you mean about drinking even though you really don't want to. I'm sure lots of other people here can relate too so just reaching out for help on SR next time you feel like that is a really good idea.

Thank you ladies for your comments.u guys taking the time out to reply like that still amazes me.ill try and stay behind for the clean up. I had a friend that was supposed to come with me and they keep bailing. I feel so scared whenever I go.

you arent too far gone... maybe youre right where you need to be ...
= I say - go all out -- if you want to quit drinking - go to a meeting tomorrow- stand up and say my name is ______ i am an alcoholic and I am super shy so please dont let me leave here without talking to me .... i know it sounds crazy - but what have you got to lose?
= if thats too much - maybe try wearing a name tag or writing a note to the same affect or just sitting back down when the meeting is over instead of rushing out the door.

Thanku safe2breathe .xxx

i had a LOT of day zeros and ones ... hate to see others go through that as well.

Animalnurse9, please just never give up trying to quit and you will succeed. Rootin for ya. :egypt:

Is weird.but I feel like I'm praying for something really bad to happen while I'm drinking. Something so catastrophic that it would be impossible to continue.how awful and blasphemous is that :(

sounds normal to me.
if something bad were to happen to you - then you could no longer hide - you are shy - and you know that- youre body and mind know that - they want to help you help you - just like posting on FB - it is just you wanting to get help --- or at least wanting to want to get help ...

I used to think like that too - I think I wanted to be rescued.
and I did let things get that bad, but I rescued myself :)

You don't have to go that far - make a stand now - get some help AN.

D

Really ?????