I was thinking earlier about a couple of things. I was thinking about how this latest attempt to get sober started.

This whole thing started for me about six months ago. I noticed changes in the way my wife was acting. She stopped sitting around waiting for me to take her someplace or to do something with her. She started making lunch and dinner dates with friends. She started inviting her best girlfriend to concerts and shows. That was fine with me...I didn't want to go anyway! But then about three months ago she started doing cross fit training and eating differently. She got interested in our finances. She started updating her wardrobe. She lost weight, toned up and tanned up. One day when I was looking at her getting ready to go somewhere, it hit me. She was preparing for life without me! She was going to make some changes. That's when I got serious about my sobriety. I knew that if she had not given up on us yet that she was on the verge of doing so. So I began reading and researching and buying audio books and regular books on the subject. I wanted to learn about addiction and how others had overcome their addictions to get their life back. Then I went 21 days sober. Binged for a week and started over. And now here I am--a non-drinker!

The second thing I was thinking about was my sad sack post from Sunday. Monday I was travelling for work and received an email from the owner of the company I work for. He was informing me that a lady that works for me wasn't going to be coming into work for a while. She fought cancer last year and after undergoing surgery, chemo and radiation she was given a clean bill of health. She went through quite the ordeal but survived.

Well, she was having shooting pains down the side of her body over the holiday and went to the emergency room at a local hospital. To make a long story short, they have found three tumors. She is a single mom with two children still at home. She has had such a tough two years. I sure feel like a heel complaining about my petty troubles.

We owe it to ourselves and those around us to be the best person we can be. We owe ourselves and those around us the best life that we can possibly create. Drinking doesn't lead to a life of no regrets! Just the opposite...

Excellent 100th post Dirk.

Amazing post, dirk; so insightful. It is funny how when we are in our drunken stupor it is always and only just about us. The only thing that really matters is getting that buzz. The people we love become secondary to alcohol. Just another lie alcohol tells us to keep us mired in the fog. So glad you saw the light! Have a great night!

today is day two and there is nothing on my mind while at work than just one glass, i have been drinking for 11 years. when i started it was not a problem but it fast manifested into one i realized that too late but someone said it is never too late, everyone i love has moved away from me slowly because i wouldn't listen, stop or even put a limit to it. now in the recent years iv lost many possessions with a blink of an eye no one respects or trusts me i am just a fool. now that i read this thread i realize that i am not alone and i am certainly not a fool but a victim of addiction i dont want to be victimized any more

Welcome Glen! This is a great place to help you get back to who you want to be. I'm on day 33 (I actually had to think about that.) and SR is a major reason. You are awake now! Once you are awake it is impossible to go back to sleep. You may slip and you may struggle, but each is an opportunity to learn and to practice. Practice being sober. You can do this! Learn from others here and take from them things that have worked and try it for yourself. There seem to be as many paths to sobriety as there are people.

:nyxWelcome Glen! And...again, dirk...great advice! Sobriety takes practice....until it is the "new normal" ;) Glen...everyone has their own "bottom".... is this your s? What is your plan to stay sober? Don't worry....once you have some sober time, people will realize how much you have changed and you will earn back respect and trust. I can't tell you how many times I "said" I would stop drinking....only to drink again. No wonder some people did not trust/respect me. I read that, "People do not judge you by your intentions, but by your actions". Just some food for thought. Hang it there...it does get easier and much, much better! :c029: You can do this! Stick with the winners!

i had my low but i ignored thinking everything will be fine but at the time i had not yet realized that i am an alcoholic but now that im hear i have hope i am at practice as we speak

Good for you Glen:You_Rock_...and I am not sure that the label really makes any difference at all....it is how you feel and the effect that alcohol has on you and your life...just my opinion, of course...

Hi Glen, welcome to our group. This is day 37 for me, and if you look at my first post, you can see just how desperate and best down I was. I have been a binge drinker for about 10 years and the most I had ever gone was 11 days without a drink. Coming to the end of my drinking career was a process; not so much a rock bottom, but an amassing of sickness. I just finally realized that my only two options were being sick or being healthy and I had to commit to the healthy part as much or more than I committed to the drinking. I even got to a point where after a binge night I would walk around clutching my side all day because of the pain in my stomach/liver. The whole time thinking about my next drink session. Very dark days!

Everyone is different, and you will find so many wonderful people in all different stages of sobriety in SR. Each one contributes to my sobriety daily, so the first step is to be on SR as much as you need to. Initially, I was on all day checking in and posting. Also, the one huge thing I learned is that not drinking doesn't make you sober...sobriety makes you not drink. You have to be sober mentally before you can be sober physically. It is a whole body experience. If you want this, you can do this. We are all here for you! Welcome aboard !!

Excellent point beancounter! I hadn't really put much thought into that but I think that is the difference between being miserable all day wishing you had a drink, and being happy and fulfilled in a life where you don't want to drink. Good insight!

I haven't checked in for a while, but the beast was trying to be large and in charge yesterday afternoon and evening. Last night was the first real struggle that I've had in 44 days. I almost gave in. My wife and daughter were gone all day Christmas shopping and then they went and watched my daughter's high school basketball team play another school. I tried to stay busy and did a pretty good job of it. (The kitchen is really clean!) But the beast showed up and stayed. I fought the AV for several hours on and off. Now I know what people mean when they say to "have a plan." I'm going to have a plan for the next assault. I still hold out hope and believe that the beast will die. I just wish the SOB would do it.

Last week was both inspiring and depressing. My coworker is in bad shape. They found cancer in her lymph nodes, bones, three tumors and she has a large mass behind one eye that has blinded her. They admitted her to the hospital on Thursday with pneumonia. She is forty two and still has two kids at home. The beast used this situation to work at my mind as well.

My company sponsors the "Toys for Tots" campaign each year and last year our employees donated over 1,100 toys. (We have 70 employees in the firm.) The owner of our company sent out an email asking that if people hadn't yet donated for T4T's that they consider donating money to help our coworker get through the Holidays. He asked that people consider donating vacation time and money if they had it. Vacation time can be used by her in place of disability, because disability only pays 60% of the employees pay. In the first two days employees donated over 3 months worth of vacation and over $3,000. All the while still bringing toys in. I work for a very special organization.

With that said I don't know how much longer I will be there. My new found sobriety has left me feeling less passionate about my work life situation. Anyone with insight into that please feel free to pass on your thoughts and experiences with that. I may hit the forum up with that question as a stand alone.

Stay strong and remember, you made the right choice in staying sober. Never forget that!

Wow, dirk....a lot going on for you! Me too, actually, but hangin' in there! Just some advice that I received when I first got sober, many years ago.....don't make any big changes/major life decisions in the first year of sobriety. Did I listen? Well, not quite. Once I was sober for about 3 months, and the fog lifted, I looked around at my life and said to myself, "What the hell am I doing here?" Mind you, I had a great job, 2 little ones and a basically non-working husband. I was working (teaching) during the day, going to law school at night and cleaning/cooking and taking care of the girls. I gave him an ultimatum....get a job or get out. I quit law school, went on to divorce him (all in the first year of sobriety) and moved forward in my career to become a school/district administrator. It's amazing how our lives look/feel different, once we become sober....

Thanks for sharing Trudging. I guess our minds finally have time for review, reflection and reconciliation of our past, present and future. We are forced to face things that we got into the habit of hiding from. I've made the conscious decision not to do anything drastic for a few months but I am looking at things, and beginning to formulate a plan. The first problem is to establish what I want... That's not that easy. This late in life the AV almost makes sense when it says, "What difference does it make now. Maybe 10 or 15 years ago it would have mattered." But I know from experience that 10 years from now I'll be in the same boat if I don't take action in the present.

Welcome to SR. The first week was tough for me. The night sweats continued for a few nights for me. But after all that got out of my system, I slept like a baby. I never slept all night in my boozing days. Woke up thirsty or had to pee. Now I sleep all night and my body thanks me for it. I'm only on day 21, but my body feels so much better that I'm so excited to see how I feel each day as I move forward on this new journey. Hang in there!!! It is worth it.

Yes, dirk....it WILL matter in 10 or so years...don't know how old you are, but I am 58..and happily re-married for 15 years...have a good pension, yada, yada....had I not made that decision in early sobriety, I am SO sure I would not have been able to have happily retired at 55....All decisions matter...I wish I had made some different ones early on in life...like maybe never picking up that first drink? LOL....Girlsearching and others....keep going....congrats on 21 days! I am at 2 months today, but have had a lifetime of long-term sobriety followed by relapses....hang in there!

I've been off of SR for a while. I've spent the last 4 nights drinking. I don't have the vocabulary to describe how I feel right now. Desperate, disappointed, angry, hopeless... I'm experiencing a hobo stew of emotions and thoughts right now. I guess I have no other choice but to put it behind me and move forward.

The day before I drank again I remember driving down the interstate and I began grinning and laughing. I was thinking, "God it is so great to be FREE from alcohol and all the S**T that goes with it!" Then the next night, bam, I don't even remember why I drank or what excuse I used. I don't remember what the AV said. I am at a loss for words right now to explain this. I just don't know why I did it.

I apologize to you. All of you that have been an inspiration to me, fighting your own fight and encouraging me in mine. Well, day 1 for me and I hope all is well for you.

Good on ya! You can beat it :)

dirk....been there done that....just do it again, my friend! I remember my first relapse (years ago...like 1999 or something after 8 years sober). I was sitting on the deck of a cruise ship with my husband and the words "vodka tonic" came out of my mouth when the waiter appeared. Don't know where those words came from, nor why,....to this day. In the years that followed, each sponsor (I had 3 during my AA years) ALWAYS asked me "what happened" or "what was I thinking" prior to the relapse....I never knew how/why it happened....it just did....Don't beat yourself up....just move on...you can do it! You have today....be sober today. That's all you have to do....we are ALL here for you!:c011:

Hey dirk, I am just ending day 7. I read your post right from the first page. Get back to doing good I really enjoyed you sober story.

I had my first full night sleep last night. Still felt like I was rolled over by a truck when I woke up but that's dehydradition and sugar poisoning!

Today I can't stop eating.

Still have crazy guilt over things I've done

Hang in there Dirk! Like Finnie, I read your post from the beginning. You've got an amazing attitude/outlook and I just know you can do this. Don't let this bump in the road get you down too much. Use it as a learning tool for the next time you think about drinking.