afraid
 

I am not sure what brought me to this forum but i really am at the end of my tether with myself. I have been in rehab twice and in and out of AA for about four years. I have had a pretty bad relapse and everything seems to be falling apart at the seams. I am frightened of my addiction and inability to cope. I live alone so my family don't know, i am.decieving everyone.. My finances are a mess, ive fallen seriously behind at University, and i just feel so lost and afraid. I am sober tonight but can only get a couple days max then back on it. I also have bulimia really bad and thats impacting on my life in the same way. I guess Im hoping for some identification and hope. I don't want this disease controlling me and putting me in an early grave.

Hi Try18 :)

SR really helped me get my life together and turn things around - I know you'll find that kind of help here too.

Read around and post as much as you like - I think support is very important.

Welcome :)

D

Thankyou :)

So glad you have reached out Try18, this site really helps, I also go to AA and I am staying sober which is great... Deep breaths, you have the desire to stop and that is amazing x

I am really quite scared. I can feel the alcohol leaving my system, i drank so much on Friday. I know withdrawals pass but they make me too scared to sleep.

:scorebad welcome Try 18
You don't know it yet but you are halfway home. You have decided you want to and or
have to change. Slavery is so....yesterday. I have 1 year and 3 months sober and never
knew life could be this different. Please remember there is hope and help waiting if you need it.
Artful

Thankyou Artful that made my eyes fill up!

Hi and welcome Try18,
It sounds like your life has become unmanageable and you clearly see that. You said you have been in and out of AA for a number of years, how involved were you with the 12 step program?
It's great that you are reaching out. keep reading and posting

All the best
caiHong

Remember how you feel right now, and ask yourself if it's worth it? That is what helped get me sober.

I never completed the twelve steps. I was in a group and doing lots of meetings when i was staying sober. It just never lasts. I seem to be inclined towards self sabotage!

Thanks Ratso. It is definitely not worth it. It's insanity!!!

Try,
i was in your shoes too, i was drinking too much in school. i washed out of some of my classes too. but you can get control of this, i did. i am honest it is difficult, but you can do it. i was in AA also. but i have to give this place alot of credit to my soberity today. i have almost 11 months as of now. there is a chat room here normally with people in it who all love to help any one.
please dont give up.

Thankyou for giving me hope, Robgt350.

try

ur welcome

Hi Try18.

Bulimia and alcohol dependence is a potent and dangerous combination. If you're not currently doing so, I strongly recommend that you see a trained professional for your condition. A fair amount of people trained in the treatment of bulimia are also proficient in treating alcohol dependence.

Glad to meet you Try! :hug:

Be happy you are taking action now. I waited until my life was in ruins - always intended to quit but never made it until I almost lost my life. This won't happen to you! It feels so good to be free of it. You won't be missing a thing.

If you can get a couple of days, you can get more time. Planning is the key word, and lack of a plan is what causes failure so often in very early sobriety. Not surprising at all...I mean alcoholics and addicts a terrible at planning, unless it's planning where to get just one more drink.

You can do this!

Have you ever seen the website "SomethingFishy?" It's a website very similar to this one but for eating disorder recovery. I am so glad you are here. Do you have a therapist or any professional support at the moment? Eating disorders are addictions too and need to be addressed too.

Thankyou for all your messages. Managed a few hours sleep on and off ...this morning that all familiar drenched bed sheets from sweating all that poison out.

I have a therapist but due to being so chaotic lately i had been missing appointments. I called him last week though and am seeing him this week. I also have a psychiatrist appointment in a fortnight.

I know i need to swallow my pride and get back to AA. I really scared of flunking my course but Will speak to someone there this week too.

It is a vicious cycle, the bulimia and the alcohol abuse. Sometimes i feel it is all just too much and i Will never be free of it, despite wanting to be. It is as if i am to scared to be present in life and want to be constantly numb. Does that make sense? I really want to change.

So glad i wrote here last night.

Things will gradually improve if you stop.