Originally Posted by trikyriky
(Post 4165877)
People like me , they tell me they look up to me, don't. It's all bs. I've tried to , live up to your expectations , your desire for me to beat this and I have not. It's bigger than I ever thought, too big for me ? Day 1 for the umteenth time. I'll try to remember , those 19 days . Too get back there . I will damit. I will. I will not quit trying , know that. Tr why in the world would you try to live up to my expectaions beings how I don't have any expectations? of course I would like to see ya get sober, but I don't have any expectations. whats all BS? theres a problem I always had by takin a roadtrip and thinkin things through: I took me with me and using my thinkin, which is what got me to where I was. my thinkin sucked and wasn't gonna help me for crap. I had to have the assistance of the thinkin of other you can keep livin in the problem or start livin in the solution, lookin through past threads of yours, you have been given a LOT of great suggestions. its up to you to put in the footwork. sittin in the garage all day aint gonna make ya a car. its your choice and I hope ya make the choice to stop playin Russian roulette. |
Riky You go! Good for you!!!! |
Hi TR, My thoughts are with you today. Man, how many of us have had a 1000 day ones? I do look up to you, as alpha stated so well, so deal! lol. Have a great camping trip and stay out of your head my friend. I'll do the same. Your Pal, Cas |
Hugs TR, thinking of you. Hang in there friend. |
Hey Ricky, Just wanted to tell you "have a wonderful day" go out and enjoy it! Don't be so hard on yourself, enjoy the camping trip! TF |
Tr-We don't shoot our wounded. You're having longer stretches of not using and you keep trying. That is awesome! Hugs and prayers, Amy |
Maribell Keep posting. SR can help you, support you, be there for you 24 hours a day. Just take that one giant step. One day sober...then again...then again... Post, post,post!!! |
Originally Posted by trikyriky
(Post 4165877)
People like me , they tell me they look up to me, don't. It's all bs. I've tried to , live up to your expectations , your desire for me to beat this and I have not. It's bigger than I ever thought, too big for me ? Day 1 for the umteenth time. I'll try to remember , those 19 days . Too get back there . I will damit. I will. I will not quit trying , know that. Tr And try to learn something from each relapse. What could you have done differently? What can you change now that will help you avoid a repeat? |
Yeah, don't ever ever give up on quitting your addiction. There is always a way forward. Quitting is the first and most important next right thing to do no matter whatever else is going down. Quitting works even for those that have had failure after failure with quitting. Doesn't matter. Quitting still remains the best choice for getting it right with ourselves for those of us who have been or are addicted. Either way quitting works. :) |
I got totally burned out with myself
Originally Posted by trikyriky
(Post 4165877)
I'll try to remember , those 19 days . Too get back there . I will damit. I will. I will not quit trying , know that. Tr Dear God I Want to Take a Minute Not to Ask for Anything But to Simply Thank You For What I Have I love that above (also my prayer often) just keep trying yet once again it wasn't until I got totally burned out with myself that sobriety finally stuck Mountainman |
Originally Posted by Maribell
(Post 4166121)
To try really hard today .. So in need of support .. The addiction always seems to win in the end .. What do I do ? a question was asked of a TV repairman, "in your experience, what's the worse problem you have seen", he responded "when people try to do their own repairs and fix the set themselves..." i'm just not gonna drink today, i really hope you don't either. thanks for your honesty and the post, it helped me.:tyou |
Dear riky, You are to be admired for your honesty. For acknowledging the problem. For coming here. For seeking answers. For continuing on your journey. :ring |
Originally Posted by ZeldaFan
(Post 4166134)
Maribell, we are all here as your support. I know how you're feeling when you say all you could do was wait to get home from work to have a drink. Even if I really had to use the bathroom, I would hold it when I walked through that door after work to get a shot before I did anything else. It finally took me deciding I could not do it anymore after some coworkers told me I smell like booze all the time to get me to give it my all to start down the road to recovery. Have strength and post here for any support you need! |
Originally Posted by happyhour
(Post 4166532)
for me, the harder i tried, the more i screwed up, it is when i loosened my clutch, put it down, surrendered and said, "I can't do this, Lord help me" a question was asked of a TV repairman, "in your experience, what's the worse problem you have seen", he responded "when people try to do their own repairs and fix the set themselves..." i'm just not gonna drink today, i really hope you don't either. thanks for your honesty and the post, it helped me.:tyou |
Originally Posted by trikyriky
(Post 4166143)
Just what your doing , share it. Hey! Just for today OK I'll be thinking of you |
Good for the Maribell!!!! |
Not giving up on you Triky. Not ever. :) |
Thanks to all that responded. You all have left something with me . I am so grateful to have you all as friends. I did go camping but had to come home tonight , after slipping at the pool and twisting my ankle . I was able to enjoy the day up until that. :yup: Tr |
Riky I remember reading a post of yours a while back where I picked up on the fact that we are the same age -- a little commonality. The one thing that has worked for me this time has been doing 24 hours at a time. In the beginning I stopped looked down the path of weeks, months and years, instead I got on with the next 24 hours only. In 24 hours I'll have six months. You can do it too Riky. |
Hi trikyriky, no worries, just gotta pick up the pieces and get back on the sober train :) Figure out exactly what led to the relapse, like really start studying your triggers so you can avoid them or at least expect them and have a plan when they hit you. I noticed you said you thought "just for today..." A lot of alcoholics find it helpful to recognize that that's the Addictive Voice lying to you. When you hear that, remind yourself no, it's not just for today. It's going to end up a 3-day bender and then I'm going to go through hell-on-earth withdrawals. Start following the entire episode all the way through. Start associating alcohol, the liquor section in the store, etc. with ALL the negatives that go along with drinking. This has been helpful for me and the negatives always outweigh the benefits ten-fold when it comes to drinking. |
Aw, I hope your ankle gets better soon Riky. :) |
Originally Posted by Truefan08
(Post 4165954)
Keep coming back trikyriky, that's what it's all about. I too have had day 1 more times than I can count, but I'm not giving up. I never know what made me give in??? I think I have impulse issues. It happens so fast. I think, a drink sounds good, boom....I'm at the liquor store...bottle in hand. I tell myself just for today, but then it's off to the races...drink a few days..stop...have withdraws, get deathly ill...shame, guilt, lies, disgust...REPEAT! I'm on day 22 and have been totally surrendering and praying daily to relinquish control. ONE DAY AT A TIME....I know that's all I can do! Glad you are back, best of luck to ya!!!! :c011: Forgive me for being confused, I am extremely tired and it's my bed time. Trikyriky I am sending thoughts and positive vibes your way. Hoping you are well today. <3 |
Riky, you can do this. Prayers your way Kristy, I like the way you put that. I'm on day 6. I don't want to ever live through those first 50 hours again. I was sure I was going to die. |
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