I timidly say that this is the end of Day 3. Going to bed now.

well, I enthusiastically congratulate you on the end of day 3 Pamel - great going! :)
sleep well :)

D

Thanks Dee!

Off to a 7:30 AM meeting. I have felt like a real downer, especially since I shared so much on this thread, but some cloud has lifted by doing so...

Every journey has downs and ups Pamel - never be afraid to share them here :)

D

I hear the pain in your words. Just want to give you a hug.

Thanks earthsteps (and Dee, of course),

I was getting tired of hearing myself "trying", and between pouring out a lot of painful stuff here (+ the booze), and with my new sponsor, I feel hopeful today for the first time in a long time.

I was so glad I was at my home group this morning; a person with whom I had shared IOP (Intensive OutPatient) came in, clearly emotional, and shared that she had just gotten out of the hospital. (I wondered where she had gone, since phone calls and e-mails had yielded nothing). Anyway in one of those higher power moments she sat between myself and another IOP grad (we both knew her well) and cried her heart out to tell us and the group that she had just been released from hospital (where she went through an intensive de-tox).

I am not a believer in a "God" per se, but I have to say something larger than me or my friend, left that chair between us for her to find the safety to speak up.

Amazing.

Dee, I so appreciate your always up-beat posts. I DO need to hear the hard ones (and they come along, not without anger, and provoking contemplation) but you are ALWAYS there to provide encouragement.

Thank you for being a "constant" hopeful person in my life. :c011:

Day 4 begins well!

Right on pamel thanks for having the courage and humility to admit a past defeat and share about it. So many of us have experienced rellapse on this journey and taken months of incomprehensible demoralization as a result, or never made it back to get a Day 4 at all. Keep moving forward, all of SR is behind you.

Into Day 5 (wish it wasn't so early, but I am glad I am sober for another day). Thanks for sticking with me...

congratulations on day 5 pamel :)

D

Hang in there :) x

Congrats on day 5 Pamel!

Pamel ~ I want the life for you that I know you want as well. I feel like I understand the back and forth, and the pain it creates. Prior to these past months, I have been on this roller coaster for 30 years.

It felt like an impossible task to do things differently, to make different choices for myself.
For one thing, I no longer felt worthy. I felt that I deserved to suffer.

It's really only because of my mum's death and losing the rest of my family that I got here. I was just so alone and broken that I could no longer cope with the pain.

If I hadn't decided to write a different end to my story, I would no longer be here.
But I am, and so are you, and we have beautiful things in front of us.

I want this for you, we all do. So good for you for starting this thread, and opening your heart even more; please KEEP choosing you every day...

Congratulations on Day 5!!!!! Awesome job! ♥♥♥♥♥

So much love,

Venus xx

Thanks a lll,

Especially you, Venus. I wish I had gotten this back when you started. A lot more anxiety now....

Now is the only time that matters dearest Pamel....

Let's get you through this anxiety and to the other side...

Love you,

V xx